I'm in shock. I've been repulsed at, ignored by, scolded by, frowned upon. All thanks to my colleagues. Whom I've considered can be dependent on should trouble fall upon me. But guess what?! I WAS SO VERY WRONG! Time and again, the answer's just right in front of me. To stop working at LJS. But no! My stubbornness hated to heed my logical side. No. I had to keep working, keep inflicting pain upon myself, wounds after wounds, physically and emotionally and mentally. I'm officially a puppet. A broken doll.

Today, I've lost my wallet. What a fate! I'm not crying about it. In fact, I barely cried. So what actually got to my nerve today? My colleagues. My family photos in my wallets. Photos, memories that can never be replaced, priceless by any measure of golds and diamonds. Something that can never be shared. Something that someone else cannot know about or even feel. Your personal memories.

All right, so what about my colleagues? I so love it how they treat my misfortune as a total joke. Or it doesn't even bother them one bit. I'm totally baffled! I thought some would come and console me. But no! Everyone's too busy with work. Too busy to even care about a colleague. What's the personal best was DAVID. DAVID said this.

David: If you want to scream and shout, go outside and scream and shout. One more time you do this, I'll do something. You scared my customers away.

HAH! Don't you know already? Can't you face reality? LJS will die. Just like A&W and TacoBell. Do you think LJS has the slimmest chance of surviving? Never. Never ever! Besides, the reputation is ruined. Customers are complaining. There are far too many complains than praises being spoken. Too much backstabbings than open sincerity behind doors. Do you think it will even survive? Why do I care about customers? Fine. You're a manager. Ha-Ha. Go care about the sales and your customers. See if they come back and care about you. Ha-Ha.

I don't care already. My mind's sick and poisoned with LJS shit. I need to get away from that environment. I need to leave that sickly unit. I need to just ditch the whole contagious room. All I could think now is nothing but madness. Madness and revenge. I agree that anger clouds the mind but sometimes, it comes to a clear cut decision. To me, anger leads me to sanity where I can talk about everything out, rant my rage and settle my anger. It leads me to, in fact, an even more clearer thinking. No doubt when I'm not at my utmost rage, I delude myself. Cloud my thinking. Relax my whole shitty process.

I'm really hurt by my colleagues whom I've brought them into my level of friendship. My kinda level, where trust is hard to gain. I've come to pour some bit of trust in them. What did they give back to me? Shit. To smilingly put a fake trust and pull every single goddamned thing back, I've had enough. Enough is enough. Kak Siti told me to soften my heart but if I do that, people will step on me. No. I want to harden it. Even if I were to inflict pain on myself, building my spiky walls around my heart, I will know that if people try to come close, they will end up hurting themselves and give up. Give up and go away, don't stay around. Annoying pests.

I'm so insensitive now, I don't cry when harsh reality comes facing me. I'm tough. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I build myself to be that tough so I can just roll over everyone. When I actually cried was when Kak Siti gave me money. She used friendship as an excuse. I hate it. I hate being pathetic. I'm so pathetic. I want people to hate me. Don't they ever get it at all?! WHY CAN'T ANYONE JUST HATE ME?! I love to be alone because being alone, I can never hurt anyone nor can anyone hurt me. She said it in the name of friendship. Why did she swear in front of me like that. Why did she even shared my tears? Why can't my friendship be shallow with her? Why?! I wanted her to hate me aswell. Then I can leave that stupid place for good.

And so, the one I depended most on, was the one who gave me the cold shoulders. Fine. Go on be cold. Go on be secretive. Go on inflicting pain on yourself. Go on. I've had enough of you. 2 days was more than enough to calm myself. 2 days, is enough to forget a silly little crush. Today, was more than enough to prove that you and I, our friendship, is just on a stupid piece of paper. The one who tore it, it wasn't me. Remember, it was you. You asked for it. You did it. Don't question as to what I'm about to do next. You can go talk to rest. I've had enough of your cold shoulder. I've had enough texting you. You can safely say, I've even imagined myself placing a curse on you. Not even a silly four-leaved clover can save your butt. Even if you throw it away, I'll make sure I'll pick it up and throw it even further, somewhere where you can't reach, somewhere where I'll know you won't ever find it because simple, you've given up. You don't care. You're alone. You're nothing more than just a figment of imagination. You're nothing less than my scariest nightmare. You're nothing more than just a stranger. I've admitted. I'm still liking him but it's getting lesser and lesser everyday and hatred settles in. I'm pretty sure hatred settled in your heart aswell. I'm very sure, we're no longer friends. I'm very sure I've lost all my respect for you. And I'm pretty confident, we're not even strangers but enemies. In our hearts, we can only hate each other. Consoled only by the presence of others that we are able to work with each other. But rest assured, I've given up all notions. Enough signals I've picked from you that you hate me, detest me, ahbor me.

Thanks a lot asshole. For making my day complete. And now, goodbye.