Enough is enough
Tuesday, September 30, 2008/ 9/30/2008 12:20:00 am
Like a broken sunflower, enough is enough. It's cold enough to freeze me. It's hot enough to drive me insane. Haven't my heart had enough of stupid crushes? Dear Susu, please wake up!
How is it every human can brave through storms?
How is it I'm so pathetic, the storm just stings my eyes and pierces my very skin?
So much confusion...
I just want to be a better person, yet be still who I am.
How does anyone go about doing that?
So confused.
How does one change but remain true to who they are?
I find it hard to do a 50% change. I find it easier to do a 100% change or no change at all.
Or to just lie your way through.
I've been braving through my last choice. Every single damned thing, I lie my way out. Shattering my very own soul. Darkening my very own path. How is it anyone can be so brave? I question that everyday. I wonder every moment. I doubt every second. How is it anyone can have so much thoughts and still carve a lie out of nothing just to deceive one's self? I've had enough. Still I persist. Why?
One person tried learning me. Passed. Shattered my every illusion I created and defended for so long. All those beliefs seems so far-fetched now. I'm trying to rebuild again. To be destroyed again. I'm desperate to live in my own world once more. Why can't just anyone leave me alone? I don't need love or sympathy to keep me going. I don't want to depend on anyone. Yet I crave for someone's attention. So much denials. More illusions. Adding on more lies and deception. Will this ever end? That I wonder...
...Everyday.
shatter my soul, rebuild my own pseudologies, recreate my embroided truth, give me the strength to go through this all on my own...
0 bothered.
Friday, September 26, 2008/ 9/26/2008 12:11:00 am
I don't know what to blog. Today is just BORING... NOT. Today's work for breakfast is somewhat gay. People suddenly buy the breakfast. Whoah! Hot Deal was a major HOT HOT DEAL. SO SHIZ! ZOMFG! Everyone was like Hot Deal. 6 SETS?! ZOMFG! PURE ELITE GAYNESS! O_O! Oh well. That's all. :D
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rainbow fades away..
Wednesday, September 24, 2008/ 9/24/2008 11:01:00 pm
I got my stuffs today. I'm feeling gay now. Tired to bones. Sigh! Don't know what to fudging update myself. @_@"! Tomorrow, 8am! LJS! Here I come. GROANS!
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classic pain.
Monday, September 22, 2008/ 9/22/2008 11:55:00 pm
Classic. That's why I'm feeling today. How did I ever arrive to that conclusion... Gosh Susu! Elegance and all. It's just so there! Y'know! ;D! Probably thanks to the eating etiquette I suffered from today. ;.;! Why why why! Oh why! Alas I'm feeling so fuzzy and cosy all inside!
ALL RIGHT. ENOUGH with classic-ity. I'm bored. Today was fudgee! :(! Ok! I went to my work place... NOT! O_O! Okok, I did. The mall itself. All in the name of project! O.O! I went to the library to find reference book on storyboarding and all I get is 3D animation book thing with 4 pages on how to do storyboarding. Just so.. GAY! OMGOSHERS?! Haha. Die laughing, I'd say I'd say! But that is all! IN THE WHOLE OF LIBRARY! OF THE FOUR STOREYS! NOTHING?! Good Grief! Jurong Regional Library, please upgrade your resources! I'm gonna cry! ;.;! I desperately need them resources! OK! We got the photos part done. Or so. :X! HAHA! :D! OK! NOW I WANNA RANT!
SANI! FOR FUDGE'S SAKE! SCRIPT BY TOMORROW, PLEASE! GOSHERS! How the fudge am I to fuckin' proceed without the first step done?! Heck, I'm the one waiting in line! If it isn't done, it's screwed, postponed, every bad word anyone can think of! ARGH! WHAT TEH FUDGE!?! Makes me labelled a loser. Kiss my ass, rofl! OK! Right NOW! Dark Ages has BNC FORMING! OH MY GAWD! I soo wanna go! 81k to next ability?! COME ON! ;.;! Puts me off the mood to do any shiz! :(! Alas, I still have Int maxed! OK! WISDOM TO GO NEXT. Someone, do this 422mil shiz with me! I'm begging! ;.;! Next up! Work! O.O! Yes, holy cowww!!
Cici is coming to work with me! OH YAY! :D! THE JOY!! I saw the new guy! O.O! WHEW! I can flirt with the... indian dude! :D! Oh yeah! Why not?! Hahahaha! Yes, flirting = bullying! I shalt be as evil as I can! MUAHAHAHA! :D! All right. Next up!
WORK!
YES! ABANG! STOP CALLING ME HUMPTY DUMPTY! GOSHERS! You has made me sound like a no-lifer! ;.;! I are hath a life sir! :(! OK! Guess what. NOTHING! HAHA! Made ya stalled for a moment there! :D! OK. So much shiz happened at work. It's all funny. Communication breakdown between me and Abang! WHY?! OH WHY?! BECAUSE WE USE HAND SIGNALS!! I don't know how to use hand signal. End up with everyone laughing at me, again. I never fail to be the joke of the day. Oh yeah! Apparently, if anything happens to Singapore, I somehow have something to do with it. Or so Abang says... MY FOOT! HOW THE HECK CAN I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH SINGAPORE?! I mean uhh... SCREW IT! ARGH! I hate being the joke of the work. :(! Makes me feel... sad! Unwanted. BOO HOO! BAD COLLEAGUES! BUT HEY! ;.; AT my work place, that's how they define ya. ;(! Boohoo! ;(! So note! Do not make a fool out of yourself or you'll be the food of the day! I MEAN JOKE!
OK! I admit. I still lke Shafiq. Boo hoo! Bad Susu! A touch of a sinful happiness.
0 bothered.
wondering...
Sunday, September 21, 2008/ 9/21/2008 12:11:00 pm
I don't feel like giving the world a shit. Today. Seriously. Don't ask how I've come face to face with that conclusion. I'm so feckin' tired. Came back home at 4am. GOSHERS! I'm feeling so fecking stupid. Just one night and everything is just so twisted.
Please! Your persistence in asking everything about me greatly annoys me. Can you see the obvious or are you just oblivious to the obvious? It's pissing me off. End of story. You think you want to know everything about me but hey! DUDE! PISS. OFF. I don't give a fuck man if you read my blog. Like what the shit. Who cares. I'm too pissed off right now to give a damn about anyone's feelings. If anyone can ignore how I feel, I should do that as well. Gosh! Keep telling yourself that. Ok, that's it.
I'm pissed, for good.
I just don't feel so fantastic yesterday. I threw my temper. Practically, everyone is afraid. But had to be cool with me. Abang was. The rest was scared shitless. My eyes were drooping dead, not sleepy. Just hatred. Sigh!
0 bothered.
Saturday, September 20, 2008/ 9/20/2008 06:15:00 pm
Retards: People who somehow makes the situation funny yet worse.
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Twisted perfection.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008/ 9/17/2008 06:59:00 pm
You know one of those days when you feel like you wanna give your all in hating someone? Yeap. I'm heaving through one of those days. Sigh! Big big sigh!
It's like so fudging weird. I mean, come on. I like him. I hate him. Such a thin line between love and hate. One day, I can go all, "Oh, I'm gonna hate him all day." It works. Then, it fails. It didn't last. So hard. Goshers! I just ended up scratching my head. Like what's up with this heart affairs?! Major heart throbs and all. Knock it off. It's bugging me big time. Yet I'm acting like a major noob. Why?
Because it is pissing me off.
Yeah! Yeah! I get it already. I'm a failure in love. Big deal. Big BIG deal. Why the love when you know one day it'll just turn bad for you? Because you keep trying. Here's the deal. I'm scared. To try. Does that make me a coward? I hate trying to calculate the percentage of working and the risks I'm taking. Brave people? Who cares! They go all out! Why? They have the courage. I'm the idiot lacking of courage. Moral? I need to start bracing.
People wonder why I can laugh so much but when it comes to heart affairs, I'm like a stone. I can't feel. Too scared to take the first step. Too scared to get used to the feeling and only to have it all broken into tiny little pieces. Or have it snatched away from you. Keep thinking. Keep wondering. Keep drooling. Lastly, keep dreaming. So much to think. So little time. How am I supposed to handle it? Better still, how am I supposed to face it and start making decisions on spot? It's like one choice leads to another choice and another and another. There's no end to this! How can we reverse the choices we make? Undo the shiz? If there's an "Undo" function in real life, I'd have probably overused that function. The thing is, it doesn't exist. Just like "Backspace". There's only "Enter" and "Exit". Keep Entering until you exit, meaning, you die. That is all to it. Am I getting anywhere?
Ultimately, I still feel like a dick. Bahh! I don't know. I'd probably be better off not thinking too much on these kinda shiz. It's hurting my head, period. About him. I don't know. I still feel like hating him. Another part of me? Well, just relief he's fine. Though the other part keeps shouting out, "He should get the hell outta Susu's life." The good side is going all, "At least he's back." Is that evil or what? I don't know, really. Honestly, I like him. I want to see him everyday. I enjoy the intensity of his gaze. Be it full of curiosity. Full of adoration. Or full of hatred. It's still him. But still, I can't help but feel... He should just get out. I should just hate him. I shouldn't be enjoying these feelings. I should just forget about it because he's gonna forget about it. War at the innermost depth of my heart. Such a headache. Who's the victim? Me. Yet the one killing me is ME. That sorta thing, y'know? Never mind. In the end, it is still a major headache.
Labels: confused..
0 bothered.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008/ 9/10/2008 08:58:00 pm
SUSU! You stupid stupid stupid girl! Can you be more stupid?! Or smart?! Can you just fucking ignore that Shafiq? HUH? GOD! Please don't go liking him. HE HATES YOU. GOT THAT?! You stupid girl. You're so ambitious in everything but puh-leez! You're just a STUPID DEGRADED NOBODY!! GOD! LET ME JUST BE FREAKING PARANOID! Stupid love stories and their freaking dramas. And the stupid triangles. And jealousy. EESH!
Labels: hate him girl with all you've got..
0 bothered.
Sunday, September 07, 2008/ 9/07/2008 03:10:00 pm
For crying out loud! Quit teaching
ME what love is all about. GOD! I'm an idiot, PERIOD! Quit trying to tell me your experiences. That's for you to deal with and find out. Lessons are best learnt the hard way, understand? God, everyone treats me like a kid. Sorry, I don't make love my life. Period. Sheesh. Love is part of life, doh! X.X! Heck, if I need advice, my dad is sufficient. Heck, if dad wants to find me a husband, so be it. I don't have high hopes in love. Yes. I'm a egging retard.
I don't need someone who is TOTALLY blinded BY LOVE to advice ME. I'm selfish, END OF STORY. Love isn't about abandoning everything just for it. That is just plain twisted and dense. Well, I'll leave you to Time for you to learn what love is about, full stop. -.-!
Like why do I need to rush into such stupid things?! Nature has it all planned out. I'm not a dope. Heck, even if 1000 people -likes- me, which isn't, I won't even care. I'm egging ignorant. If someone loves me, they respect me and what I like and my privacy. Quit pushing ME around. X.x! I have friends, I think that is sufficient enough. I don't need any relationships to just boost whatever confidence I lack. Heck, even if my friends have boyfriends FIRST, before ME, I'd be like shrugging. There's nothing wrong being alone, GOT IT?! Claise, I'm ranting. Again. =P!
Honestly.
Labels: i hate love and that's that
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Saturday, September 06, 2008/ 9/06/2008 12:01:00 pm
Ok, it's been too long! Or not! XD! I don't know. Thursday's Storyboarding lessons was ok. But I fell asleep through the movie. XD! I know! Movies! Action-packed! But I fell asleep! How interesting of me. XD! Friday's OOPG was a TOTAL BORE. OmG! X.X! I snored through, not literally. But honestly! X.x! It was a zone-in-zone-out session of more... codes. What a snore! :(! The fun part is! We met Mr. Kang Leng and well... humtum him for JCreator Applet thingie, thing. XD! Don't ask. I shall die. ;(!
Gonna work later. :D! Time to die! :(! Water fight, here I come. Water + me = Meet my fate! ;D! Laters Claise!
0 bothered.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008/ 9/03/2008 10:55:00 pm
OMG! X_X! Someone PLEASE
SLA P ME AWAKE. How can I like HIM! Damn it! This is so wrong. Stupid heart affairs. They should just stay out of my LIFE! Sigh! So wrong. Yet so right. Such a sinful touch of happiness. :(! Break my heart ;(! Sigh!
Labels: you're haunting me...
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