Is it true as to what the quote says? Ignorance is bliss?

But won't you be sending the wrong signals? Won't you ever regret your actions? Won't you ponder what will happen if you didn't try and ignore it? I always wonder and I know the outcome. I won't get dragged around. I won't care what will happen to you. I don't give a stuff about it. I won't fall for you further. I won't think or feel for you. Most of all, I won't have any hopes lingering in my mind.

So, it is as dangerous to ignore as to not ignore. But which outcome will provide me the better resolution? I'm confused much. It seems as though the more such matters confuses your life, you'll come to realise you've wasted half your time doing nothing. You think and come with no resolution. You talk to someone about it and you still come to the same spot. You wonder and try not to think about it and you go back to thinking and it gets you nowhere. Not to mention you'll never get anywhere. Have you ever done such a useless thing in your life? Well, I am doing it right now. Blogging about such silly matters, it seems I'm wasting my time. All I can do is just to blog about my matters, not getting anywhere, not going somewhere. All I can do is just keep myself sane. I'll be sane for a while. Should I write another entry soon, it means I'm back to being insane. I'm really crazy, aren't I?

Why do people keep blogs? Many claim it's a waste of time. Others say people can look into your private matters so easily. I used to think that way. But right now, typing seems like a much more faster and fashionable way to write out your daily thoughts and rants instead of writing it all down. I used to think that blogging is just a waste of time. I could be better off gaming or whatever. Right now, gaming is so far away from my mind. It's not a resort which I can go to everytime I need a break. No. Gaming, in fact, gives me more problems. Online gamers are such retards at times. Well, I am too. Well, it's mostly thanks to Claise that I've managed to keep my thoughts in track. It will be a life-long thing. I don't think I'll be giving up on Claise anytime soon. It's like a part of me. Claise is a part of me. My sub-conscious, as one say. The only one that I can fall back on, rant my thoughts out and just be myself. The real me. With so much ponderings. With so many to say out. With much to babble.

Me? Well, in real life, all I can do is just be a brazen person. Note, brazen doesn't mean brave. What it really means is shameless and bold. Yes. I do silly things in real life. I make people laugh. I laugh out loud. I act like a swa-koo in front of many. I openly talk to strangers and people. What I do is just the opposite of me. I really enjoy these things but really, until when? Is this all part of growing up? Or maturing? I find that being brazen makes me feel like a small child. Maybe I am. Or maybe everyone thinks I am. Because of this, no one dares to trust me. No one dares to share their problems with me. No one dares to ask for my help. Because I appear so immature. Maybe I'm happy about it. Maybe I'm disappointed that people can't place a single percent of faith in me. I don't come to trust anyone so easily. It's always willingly given and harshly taken back. By people. They do that to me. They don't realise that behind those mischievious eyes, I have so much matters running through my mind. I hide behind a mask. A mask to live and survive. I feel pathetic but always, I keep my tears behind. No matter how the going gets tough, I never shed tears. I don't like it. I feel so... fake. So... crocodile. Crocodile tears.

Let's go back. To today.

Saturday, I cut my thumb by accident. Sunday, my index finger. Today, hot water on both hands.

Why is it so? Is it because I want to deliberately remind me of the pain? I leave my wounds in the open. It hurts but I just let it be. But really, no physical pain can overcome any emotional pain. Dare I wrist myself? That seems like a silly thing to do and I don't want to be a suicidal kinda person. I don't want to scare anyone but it is as though I enjoy scaring myself. It is as though I'm a sadist. I enjoy seeing people suffer. But why do I especially enjoy seeing myself suffer? Is there a word for it? I don't know. I may or may not look it up.

Ok, I find this song very very meaningful to my otherwise hectic, problematic life.

張震岳 & 蔡健雅 - 思念是一種病 (Si Nian Shi Yi Zhong Bing)


當你在穿山越嶺的另一邊
dang ni zai chuan yue ling de ling yi bian
我在孤獨的路上沒有盡頭
wo zai gu du de lu shang mei you jing tou

一輩子有多少的來不及 發現 已經 失去
yi bei zi you duo shao de lai bu ji fa xian yi jing shi qu
最重要的東西 恍然大悟 早已遠去
zui zhong yao de dong xi huang ran da wu zhao yi yuan qu
為何總是在犯錯之後 才肯相信 錯的是自己 他們說這就是人生
wei he zhong shi zai fan chuo zi hou cai ken xiang xin
chuo de shi zi ji ta men shuo zhe jiu shi ren sheng
試著體會 試著忍住眼淚
shi zhe ti hui shi zhe ren zhu yen lei
還是躲不開應該有的情緒 我不會奢求世界停止轉動
hai shi duo bu kai ying gai you de qin xu wo bu hui she qiu shi jie ting zhi zhuan dong
我知道逃避一點都沒有用
wo zhi dao tao bi yi dian dou mei you yong
只是這段時間裡 尤其在夜裡 還是會想起
zhi shi zhe duan shi jian li yiu qi shi zai ye li hai shi hui xiang qi
難忘的事情 我想我的思念是一種病
nan wang de shi qing wo xiang wo de si nian shi yi zhong bing
久久不能痊癒
jiu jiu bu nen quan yu

當你在穿山越嶺的另一邊
dang ni zai quan yue ling de ling yi bian
我在孤獨的路上沒有盡頭
wo zai gu du de lu shang mei you jing tou
時常感覺你在耳後的呼吸
shi chang gan jue ni zai er hou de hu xi
卻未曾感覺你在心口的鼻息
que mei cheng gan jue ni zai xin kou de bi xi

oh~ 思念是一種病
si nian shi yi zhong bing
oh~ 思念是一種病
si nian shi yi zhong bing
一種病
yi zhong bing

汲汲營營 忘記身邊的人需要
xi xi ying ying wang ji sheng bian de ren xu yao
愛和關心 借口總是拉遠了距離 不知不覺 無聲無息
ai he guan xin jie kou zhong shi la yuan le ju li bu zhi bu jue wo sheng wu xi
我們總是在抱怨事與願違 卻不願意回頭看看自己
wo men zhong shi zai bao yuan shi yu yuan wei que bu yuan yi hui dou kan kan zi ji
想想自己到底做了什麼蠢事情 也許是上帝給我一個試煉
xiang xiang zi ji dao di zuo le sheng me chun shi qing ye xu shi shang di ge wo yi ge shi nian
只是這傷口需要花點時間
zi shi zhe shang kou xu yao hua dian shi jian
只是會想念 過去的一切 那些人事物 會離我遠去
zi shi hui xiang nian guo qu de yi qie na xie ren shi wu hui li wo yuan qu
而我們終究也會遠離 變成回憶
er wo men zhong jiu ye hui yuan li bian cheng hui yi

多久沒有說我愛你
duo jiu mei you shuo wo ai ni
多久沒有擁抱 你所愛的人 當這個世界不再那麼美好
duo jiu mei you yong bao ni shuo ai de ren dang zhe ge shi jie bu zai na me mei hao
只有愛可以讓他更好 我相信一切都來得及
zi you ai ke yi rang ta gen hao wo xiang xin yi qie duo lao de ji
別管那些紛紛擾擾
bie guan nan xie fen fen rao rao
別讓不開心的事 停下了腳步 就怕你不說 就怕你不做
bie rang bu kai xin de shi ting xia le jiao bu jiu pa ni bu shuo jiu pa ni bu zuo
別讓遺憾 繼續 一切都來得及
bie rang yi han ju xu yi qie dou lai de ji


::Translation::

Zhang Zheng Yue & Cai Jian Ya - Yearning Is a Kind of Sickness

When you are on the other side of the mountains and hills, there’s no end to my lonely road

In a lifetime how many times are you too late
in discovering you’ve already lost what’s most important to you
Sudden realizations are long gone, why is it only after making mistakes
that you’re willing to believe that you are the one who was wrong
They say that’s just life, you have to try and learn from experience
Try enduring falling tears or you’ll hide yourself away from the feelings you should have
I can’t plead with the world to stop turning,
I know avoidance isn’t useful at all
It’s just that right now, especially at night,
I’ll still think of things that are hard to forget
I think my yearning is a kind of sickness, for so long I haven’t been able to recover from it

When you are on the other side of the mountains and hills, there’s no end to my lonely road
I often think I feel you breathing behind my ears, but I’ve never felt the breath of your deepest thoughts

Frantically forgetting that the people beside us need love and concern,
excuses always increase the distance between us
Unwittingly, unknowingly, we’re always busy complaining and disobeying,
yet we’re unwilling to look back and examine ourselves
Thinking of what foolish things we’ve actually done,
perhaps it’s God testing me
It’s just that this wound requires a bit of time,
it’s just that I yearn for everything that has passed
Those people and things are far from me,
and we eventually will also find distance turned to memories

When you are on the other side of the mountains and hills, there’s no end to my lonely road
I often think I feel you breathing behind my ears, but I’ve never felt the breath of your deepest thoughts
Oh yearning is a kind of sickness, oh yearning is a kind of sickness, a kind of sickness

For how long have you not said I love you,
for how long have you not embraced the people you love
When this world is no longer so lovely,
only love can make things better
I believe, it’s still not too late, ignore those constant disruptions
Don’t make unhappy things stop your progress,
I’m just afraid you won’t speak, just afraid you won’t act
Don't let the regret continue, it’s still not too late

When you are on the other side of the mountains and hills, there’s no end to my lonely road
I often think I feel you breathing behind my ears, but I’ve never felt the breath of your deepest thoughts
Oh yearning is a kind of sickness, oh yearning is a kind of sickness, a kind of sickness

:::End:::

I find myself thinking a lot through this song. Oh. Don't forget Jung Kyeol - You don't know. From the Korean drama, General Hospital 2. Both songs send me to my innermost thoughts. I feel like breaking now. I need to breakdown, I think. Before another day tomorrow. This is another long rant. In fact, one of the longest, I think. Or longest. I'm so lost. I needed to get rid of these impure thoughts and these thoughts that linger. I need to ignore everything that has been going on. Or gonna happen.

So, indeed, I've come to another conclusion. Ignorance is indeed bliss.

Labels: ignorance