BOOhoo
Thursday, January 31, 2008/ 1/31/2008 12:20:00 am
I checked on youtube.com on how Clockwork is done. It's NOT easy, that is for sure. For sure. XD
People took 40minutes, the minimum, to mess around with Clockwork. X_X! *groans* EWWW!!! Guess what... 62million health points!! That's one crazy boss, enough to make ME groan! Hahahaha! Craziness. Yeap! Just nothing to fill in. XD!
Hope to level Vien up. =)! Jia you! <3
Labels: he's my guardian angel., ultimately
0 bothered.
FILLEDwithregrets
Wednesday, January 30, 2008/ 1/30/2008 12:04:00 am
I'll say it out.
Richard, I really miss you, so much.
So much of my thoughts are dedicated to you. It seems queer that you're no longer part of my life despite you once were in my life. It feels stupid, yet smart. Get the drift? Screw it, Claise. No one will get it. It's stupid to dedicate thoughts to someone who is no longer you but smart to be still dedicating thoughts. Stupid but Smart. SBS. Singapore Bus Service. Singapore Bull's Shit. Singapore Borned Shitty. Whatever.
Anyhow. I'm still angry at a lot of people. Freaks.
Kenneth - My fucking 100 bucks. Return it or you'll effing pay.
Haikal - My book or pay back 32 dollars.
Audrey - My book or pay back.
Wati - My CDs or I'll hentam you.
Siti - My manga books back, thank you or starting forking out 7.90 x 4 and pay on the spot. And Marina's MP3, thank you very much.
I should impose fines, honestly speaking. Fucked up. -_-!
Otherwise, screw those people noted as "friends". Be responsible, people. Stop being jerks and not return stuffs. It's fucking irritating. Great goofs. >.>!
I felt like pouring my heart contents out. But GAH! -_-! 12.19am! What the hell. -_-!
I want to be loved yet at the same time, I don't want to be loved. GET IT? I want people to love me. But I always end up ignoring those catchable dreams and always do the impossible. Go -effing- figure out. I want everything. I want the guy who can be my lover and at the same time, be my enemy. Someone who can really teach me what the hell love is. Someone who can teach me...
THAT I CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM.Let that someone appear, I plead to thee, oh God.
Labels: I miss you Richie, so much. A forgotten dream.
0 bothered.
LOVINGhim...
Thursday, January 24, 2008/ 1/24/2008 11:41:00 pm
Haha. I've been browsing through coolbuddy.com for some great avatars. I got some new onesm which is making my collect 1.1k+ now. Haha, yeah. I was browsing through the love avatars. Kinda made me think of
him. I know. I'm so childish. I'm so clingy. But I really do love him. I don't know. The feelings are kind of neutral now but I cannot forget him. It's as though he's my other half, y'know.
I feel so terribly hopeless. I don't just want him as a friend. I want him back. I don't care. I feel so much like a spoilt brat now. I get what I want but I can't get him. He's so far ahead. So much for holding on. I know letting go is a very good thing but... I just want to hear him soothing me once more. He's so different from other guys. Makes me upset that he chose his privacy over me. Partially my fault too. I am an irritating pest, I guess.
I want him back, so badly. I wanna say I've learnt my lesson but I can't. I am still a spoilt girl but I learned that I can improve myself. Just once, I wish he would just e-mail me or something. I don't know! Anything! Serves me right too! I blocked him via MSN. But I just can't stand it. Me liking him and he doesn't like me anymore. He doesn't have a new fair maiden. At least, I don't think so. If he does, wow, well, what am I supposed to do? If a miracle could happen now... Impossible, eh? I know. If only he reads my blog. But I don't think he'll just e-mail me that easily. Kinda make me feel like a stupid dolt. Besides, he has nothing to offer me except a sad smile and friendship. But more than ever, I don't want to lose his friendship now. I really love him. If I must, I'll love him from far. Be contented that I'm still friends with him while my heart secretly cries out for him.
He's my torchlight, leading me out of the dark cavern.
I wish miracles work once more...
Labels: i love him, i still do. did his love for me returned to him or did it disappear all together?
0 bothered.
anotherbullshit.
Monday, January 21, 2008/ 1/21/2008 07:22:00 pm
CRAP! JUST CRAP!
Good gracious me. I told myself, time and again.
SUSU, don't start liking that bastard Mistral,
AGAIN. HE WILL HURT YOU.
Looks like my conscience is correct, every time when I face a problem. I'm really a stupid old fart. I really detest myself. It's like the answer is up in my head. It's just ME deciding NOT to follow what my head says. I seriously have it all up there. Just me and my stupidity blinded me. Time and again, I've ignored what my head says. I really hate myself! It doesn't help that the bastard tries to cloud me.
I'll be honest with myself. Ever since he told me about the triangle between him and RedRue and Amythyst, I had a feeling it was a problem caused solely by him. He's a playboy and that will stay a fact. I'm getting pissed off at myself now. I'm not pissed at him, amazingly. He's the cause for me being a confused idiot. A fucked-up confused idiot.
Let's see.
Amythyst told me about herself. She trusted MistralCharm so much, she entrusted him with her character passwords. She lost 60 million and a Snow Jester. According to Amy, her Snow Jester was given to RedRue by MistralCharm himself.
FUN-NEE.I wonder if it was a true story or not.
Ok, more.
Amythyst told me that Mistral phoned her and told her he
LOVES her. He talked about me not wanting to play Dark Ages anymore. I just said I do not wish to register until Redemption. I didn't say I wouldn't wish to log in till Redemption. So, all the excuses about me not wanting to play makes him scuttle to Amythyst? He could just be fucking frank with me. He doesn't have to go through all the trouble. Honestly, for all I care, he can remain in his own damned problems between Amythyst and RedRue. He doesn't have to include ME. Afterall, I want nothing to with Mistral
A-N-Y-M-O-R-E. He can go figure the matters for himself. So sick of cock and bull stories.
WELL! Honestly, when I was with him, I WAS already uncomfortable. Which is honestly why I broke up with him. The second time I was with him, it was mostly out of pity. But as days go by, I feel more and more like a friend. Just a friend, no more than that.
Oh well, enough crapping. Night night.
Labels: iwannacalmmyselfdown
0 bothered.
..
Sunday, January 20, 2008/ 1/20/2008 01:31:00 am
Hey Claisavard. =]!
Throat is soo sore. Whenever I try to speak today, no voice will come out! Eeek! It's seriously dry. =[! I lack moisture.
Anyway, I feel like ranting. But the fact is, it is 1.32am at the moment. So yeah. =[! I hate this. I felt like voicing my opinions out.
To Chrysole,
I hate Jennifer's husband. He's not helping her situation! He just left home giving very few simple, stupid, crazy excuses.
1. He needed some space which Jennifer didn't give him.
2. He wants inspiration to think of a way out.
3. He feels that their relationship will never work out.
HELLO!
WHAT THE FUCK!WHICH FAMILY ISN'T SUFFERING FROM PROBLEMS? GOSH! He's being
CHILDISH. GOD! He doesn't think for Jennifer. He doesn't think for the kid. Lastly, he doesn't THINK for himself. GOD! honestly, like what's up with the "I-shall-not-speak-unless-I-feel-like-it" game? Does he think it's fun? Look, I know he wants to kill himself because of the burden. But he's not carrying the world's burden on his shoulders! That would literally kill ANYONE! Bear in mind...
If you think you have it bad, there are others who had it worse and overcame it.Never let a problem to be solved become more important than the person to be loved.It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.It isn't that they can't see the solution. It's that they can't see the problem.Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself.And this is the BEST.
Problems are not the problem. Coping is the problem.Look, sir. I don't seriously know what the fuck is the matter but give yourself some thoughts. Honestly, if you keep saying you don't have the time to think about the problems between you and Jennifer, then try to think of the problems when you're shitting or showering or whatever. It's total BULL if you give excuses. One who gives excuses gives themselves away. I know Jennifer may have some faults but hey, how long are you gonna prolong the matter? Till next Christmas? I don't know what or why but from what I can see, if you lose Jennifer, you're gonna lose her forever. I'll be the one ensuring her. You'll say "Hey! Who are you to butt in?". Dude, I'm her best bud. I can feel. But let me teach you reality. If you can't cope with this simple matters, then too bad. Your loss. I'm going to teach Jennifer to be independent. I don't give a damn about how she feels or think. Because I learned this.
LIFE GOES ON.
Sorry mate. Everyone wants a second chance but chances are, extremely slim to none. Everyone wants to make up. But too bad. It's the past. I know the feeling. I lost my mother, forever. No matter how much I wish, I can NEVER get her back. So, you both there, you better know what the hell you're doing because hey, once you lose it, consider it gone forever. I don't care how much you both want to be together or not or even if it is one-sided. Too bad. Wake up. Grow up. Learn. SEE. The world doesn't wait. Time and tide waits for no man. If you think you're so god damn special to think that the world waits for you both to fix your problems, too bad mate. It's a NO-GO. Keep waiting around. Keep hurting yourselves. I seriously wonder if it is an enjoyable thing to hurt one another by keeping mum. Honestly. Two strangers under the same roof. Fantastic. Keep the game up, you both. Good going. I don't give a shit about anyone's opinions. Because hey, learn how to suffer and you'll realize it's not easy. Adapt to the difficulties. Then you'll truly learn how to live and appreciate life. Seriously.
You both, better have the problem fixed. JUST FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SIT DOWN ON A DINING TABLE WITH TWO EFFING CUPS OF TEA AND JUST TALK. TALK HEART-TO-HEART. It's not too difficult now, is it? Jennifer, I know you're mad at my comments but these are what I honestly think. I know I'm insensitive but look at the big picture. Think about the kid. Think for yourselves. You guys are hurting yourselves because you guys are keeping mum about everything! It's not easy to speak up, I know. But all relationships are built on TRUST. Where's the trust? Where's the honesty? GONE? THROWN INTO THE TRASH BIN? I know I'm being a bitch but really, now. THINK ABOUT THE PROBLEMS! Don't just bull and avoid them! FACE IT. No good to just shut your mouth up.
1. You're hurting yourself.
2. You don't dare to talk about it.
3. You're building a slow yet huge barrier between yourselves.
4. It's not a fun thing to do.
5. You're worrying everyone know loves you.
6. The kid is the ultimate victim here.Any one of those 6 reasons GOOD? There's more but that's for YOU to compile. Don't give false hope to one another. Jennifer hopes you'll be back. While you hope to... whatever. FALSE. CONFRONT EACH OTHER! FIGHT! SCREAM! YELL! PUNCH! KICK! ANYTHING! Better than silence. It really hurts. It really does. BLAME EACH OTHER. Understand each other. Respect each other. Trust each other. Above all, learn how to love each other. It doesn't mean when you say "I love you" and want the person so much means you love the person. When you understand the person truly, wish for happiness for each other and have trust and respect for each other will then you know what love is all about. Love consists of everything. It's not easy to comprehend. It's not an explainable thing. It's just there, waiting for you to discover the warmth and wonders it holds. Once you go there, you feel it, you can triumph over anything because you both know, you both are in it, going all out, overcoming every single matter. Because, you trust and love.
Without trust, love is never felt. Without love, trust is not easy to gain.
I sincerely hope you both will have it worked out. I know I'm very rude and bitchy and cold and whatever. But I just want you guys to know, not everything is bad. We just haven't opened our eyes wide enough. We just haven't see everything of what is offered to you. We haven't realize how precious something can be until we've lost them. Make your marriage work. A divorce is nasty.
There's a saying that a couple who never fight will never last. A couple who fought and come back together, are stronger than ever because they learn to trust and love the person despite faults.
Ayez une bonne journée.
0 bothered.
been a while since I last blogged.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008/ 1/16/2008 04:14:00 pm
hey hey. let's skip all capitalism and move on to topic.
oh yeah. before i talk about my cUrReNt condition, let's talk about my saturday. the day marina came to my house in the "morn". it was about 12.20. O.o! haha, yeah, that's OUR morning. haha. we went to bugis and OMG. it was crowded as hell! i dunno is hell's crowded at the moment. so yeh, gave up and moved on to orchard where we went to our favorite place, kinokuniya. yeap yeap, the major bookstore. i love the books and the surrounding there. gives me a nice feeling! =)! yeh yeh. i bought one Raymond E. Feist book and one James Rollins book. i fell in love with james rollins after that. because the book is waaaay good! =)! good job james! feist, as always, never fail to make my day good. =) his books rock too! =D! bought a book for robin at a second hand bookstore on the way home. it wasn't easy! got a bookmark for joshua at bugis. got a wallet for giovanni on the way home.
monday, i sent away the presents. probably it was a little too late, but sigh. i hope they'll get the presents. =)! enjoy them guys! met ming wei accidentally and he left his umbrella. haha, awkward to him but it felt pretty norm to me. shrugs~! and that was when the fever started developing. =(! bought a cough syrup. it worked! for a few minutes. =(!
soo...
two days ago, my throat started to sore.
one day ago, my throat got worse and flu and cough came into the freaking drama.
a few hours ago, I met the doctor.
a few minutes ago, I drank the cough syrup and ate some paracetamol.
stinking fever went down at least. it was about 38.7 C which is equivalent to 101.48 F. considering all odds, it isn't that bad. =)! although the sweet cough syrup "may cause drowsiness" and instantly knocked me out.
MEDI VS. SUSU.
1 VS 0.
i lost. no one can beat medication at it's best. or worst. either or. sigh! haha. oh well. i created a character in the mushpoie server in flyff. made her an acrobat. =)! gotta love it! yeap yeap! ^^ =)! ok, im off to flyff. see ya claisy!
0 bothered.
angry and sadness.
Saturday, January 12, 2008/ 1/12/2008 11:51:00 pm
God, please forgive me about what I'm going to say right here, but hey, what are the fucking odds at the moment?
I'm really upset with my dad. He accuses me of being a rough girl.
What's up with that? I'm never perfect. Heck! I was, am, never will BE perfect. Stop accusing, god damn it. Stop calling yourself my bloody slave. LOOK! You aren't the one doing the cooking. You aren't the one doing the laundry. You fucking wish to do your own laundry, that's your
OWN business,
SIR. I know you're mopping the floor, but hey, you don't have to fucking boast about it. It's just once in a fortnight. I'm not complaining about cooking. I know you can fucking cook, so why not just COOK? You don't need me, you stinking bastard. Who the fuck needs a fucking lousy, fucked-up Susu? No one, I mean it.
NO ONE! Should I just get my shit and get out? Have a nice day too? I'm rough. But it's just me. I can never be feminine, no matter how hard you force me to use a skirt. Heck, I don't even GIVE a piss. If you hate it when I'm rough or fucking clumsy, then too bad, mate. It's ME. You can't just fucking change my nature. That'd be against Nature, man. Who the fuck fights against Nature? Go think about it, asshole. Dream about it. Be ENLIGHTENED!
Now I'm pissed. Good fucking night.
0 bothered.
whogivesafuck?
Wednesday, January 09, 2008/ 1/09/2008 12:26:00 am
Ok. Feeling all SHITTY right now. Explain not. I hate doing that.
I'm trying to be all sober but at the moment, I'm not. I'm NOT fcuking drunk. I'm just drunk on thoughts. Grrr. Just once, I want everything to go MY way. I hate being a total loser. Seriously, are my genes labelled "loser"? Gosh! Go die. I hate myself. I keep thinking about
him. I'm such a total loser. Can't I just get over it and move on? Clingy is NOT me. GOD! Forget it, Susu. I hate the stupid past. It's killing me silently.
0 bothered.
the voices are giving away good ideas.
Saturday, January 05, 2008/ 1/05/2008 11:30:00 pm
Hey hey Claisavard! =)! Hahaha! Vanessa updated her blog with a new skin. Nice on Vanessa! =D! <3
Hmm, logged into Dark Ages today. So many people chatted with me! So lucky!! ^^! I chatted to Shiran and Seifer and Arzath and Ze and Robin and Blade! =D! So many!! =D! I know! I always go back to DA to chat! =)! Hehehe! I miss all of them!! ^^!
I don't really know what to type and enter in.
Ok. Maybe this.
I hate a few idiots out there. They like to curse my good friend, Susan. Susan! Jia You! I love you girl! =D! <3! I don't know what else...
I miss you Ryan! <3
0 bothered.
i called the barber.
Friday, January 04, 2008/ 1/04/2008 11:59:00 pm
Take note, the title had NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING to do with my blog post.
Vanessa and I caught up for a bit. We chatted around. =)! I missed her so much! <3 Miss you Vanessa! We spammed each other's tag board. O.o! Uhmm! Hahaha! Oh yeah. She's thinking of playing Cabal SEA Online. I'm thinking of playing Cabal SEA AND Sword of the New World. =X! I know! Both games! KEH! =X!
Logged DA and to my surprise, I saw Giovanni!! =D! We both chatted a lil' seeing that he had FLU! I showed him a funny video. =x! Yes yes, Jeff Dunham and his minions. Achmed, Peanut, Walter, Jose and Sweet Daddy D. =X! Oh oh! Melvin too! =X! Really! Just go youtube.com, people! It's all THERE! =)! Enjoy!
I just found a website related to Shiran! O_O! What the hell Susu! =X!
0 bothered.