nutty-ness.
Friday, June 27, 2008/ 6/27/2008 11:04:00 pm
I'm feeling normal. I don't know. Abnormal state of calmness. Calm before the storm. You know when one feels confused, one tends to daydream, right? I think so. I don't know. I'm like daydreaming a lot now. Not because I'm bored or anything. I've been having dreams about YHCB and Ms Chan. I don't know. I feel like the band is in deep trouble. Thank God I have no more dreams of a certain teacher. I'd be surprised, honest.
Ok, I've come to terms with selfishness. Just what is up with such people? I don't know. All they can think is for themselves. They pay someone else to put in efforts for them. It's just so ludicrous. The thing is all you want is just the fucking results. Yet you force people to do your shit for you. Just what is up with THAT? Seriously, if you lack the will to do your own shit, don't just throw your shit to someone else and expect someone else to clear it. It's just plain rude. You keep giving excuses. When someone else talks to you about it, you just lewdly tell someone to shut the hell up and you think you're right. Who the fuck you think you are? You're not some King who can demand respect from people. If your roles were reversed, I'd tell you, you'd be feeling the same poppycock. It's pure rubbish. You keep saying it's the best for everyone. Tell me. Exactly who benefits? Who the hell are you trying to bluff? You're just plain deluded. You know when you scold a certain someone, I feel like pissing you off. I don't give a fuck as to whether you'll hate me. I don't give a rat's ass if you don't wish to talk me because hey, what are the fucking odds of ME wanting to talk to a JACKASS like you? You're just plain selfish. Period. Seriously, YOU watch your mouth. Not me. You're already pissing her off. She tells me everything. Right now, I'm more than pissed. I'm ready to shrew at you. I'm more than ready to just lash everything out at you. Let me warn you, I'm fucking good at hurting people. I'm super sarcastic. As long as you don't have the fucking common sense or actually lost the ability to think, I'm ready to back you up. RIGHT. Back as in serious lashings. It's just gonna be a one time thing. You do this shit one more time, I swear I'm just diss you just the way it is. The sad part is... The person is willing to help you no matter what. Can't you see how much she suffers?? OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, GROW UP LA! You're so pampered. GROW UP. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. Don't you see? WE. HATE. YOU. Period. You're acting no more than a 5-year old kid who wants things to go THEIR way. Well, hey, sorry. QUIT ACTING YOUR SHOE SIZE and ACT MORE LIKE YOUR AGE. Besides, it's REALITY. It isn't your WORLD. Just who the hell are you trying to order someone? Go to hell.
Period.
0 bothered.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008/ 6/24/2008 11:55:00 pm
Today so weird. My aunt came over ar.
Hmm... so weird...
My dad advised her not to take the humiliation to heart. It's obvious whom you're supporting dad. Your nephew duh! Husband and wife. All I can see is one being the victim and another being the bullies. The male bitches. If you guys don't have a sincere heart, then please don't hurt people with your fake smiles and your facade. It's disgusting. Men. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING EGOs. Period.
Wrap it up people. I think I like him a lot. OMG! Susu.
I feel like saying... Bangunlah dikau, wahai Susu sayang...
But at the same time... Bukankah ini yang kamu dambakan?
Hikz! I don't know. So confused. Satu hari tak jumpa, resah semacam. Tapi bila dah jumpa, debaran yang maha amat. Takut! =X!
Back to previous topic. I doubt the kids know what the hell is going on. I mean, hell. Hell is occurring right now. Serious. What is up with the families? It's so gayish. Men and your egos. Like what is up with them? My dad just follows what his nephew says. Because why? It SUPPORTS his race! Kaum Adam. BECAUSE IT BENEFITS HIM, OBVIOUSLY YOU SAY YES. SHEESH. I hate men! IT'S SO UGH! But God creates men and women for a reason. They HAVE to co-exist. No choice.
Ugh. I still like him.
Labels: contradiction in families
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Monday, June 16, 2008/ 6/16/2008 10:42:00 am
OMG! ISAAC EMAILED ME! HAHAHA! Isaac I miss you soo much!! Wish you were here to protect me from my pain...
0 bothered.
..
Sunday, June 15, 2008/ 6/15/2008 11:59:00 pm
ARGH! CLAISAVARD! I FEEL LIKE ONE FUCKING IDIOT FOR WRITING ALL MY STUPID WORRIES!!!! GEEZ! THAT'S IT! I'M THROUGH!!!! I'M NOT LOGGING IN TOMORROW OR THE DAY AFTER OR FATER OR AFTER! SICK! GAH! EVEN IF I DO! I'M GONNA FUCKING PUT ON A STUPID REFUSE! THAT IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
ENOUGH IDEAS SUSU!!! WAKE UP!!!! HE DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!!!! YOU'RE JUST A STUPID GIRL WHICH HAS A STUPID BACKGROUND WITH A STUPID LIFE TO COMPLETE YOU AND A STUPID BRAIN!!!!!!!!! ENOUGH SHITTING YOURSELF GIRL!!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! I'M WARNING ME... IF I EVER THINK OF HIM, I'LL OVERDOSE MYSELF WITH STUPID PILLS!!!!!!! I HATE ME. THAT'S PERIOD. I AM GONNA GET HIM BACK WITH HER AND END OF STORY. RETURN THAT FLURRY SUIT. RETURN EVERYTHING. FUCK THIS. I DON'T CARE IF HE FUCKING READ THIS STUPID POST OF MINE. LET ME TELL YOU, I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME ONE STUPID GIRL WHO IS OBSSESSED WITH LOVE.
Enough is enough. I hate you for making me weak after all these while. It's just a stupid game with a stupid pixelised graphics with people who plays this game. I'm such a moron! GET OUT! THANKS TO YOU, I VOMITTED MY DINNER OUT! I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL
LOSER!!!I HATE YOU HATE HATE! BENCI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AKU BENCI PADAMU! PERGILAH KAMU MENGHILANG ENTAH KE MANA! NYAH KAMU! PERGI MENGHIDUPKAN KEMBALI API CINTA YANG TELAH LAMA KAMU PADAMKAN! BENCIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hatiku untuk menghadapi semua ini.
Labels: aku benci namun hatiku sendiri terguris... aduhai...
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dilemma..
Saturday, June 14, 2008/ 6/14/2008 11:49:00 am
DANG IT! HIHI CLAISAVARD! Been a while since I blogged ya. A few days already! WAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, just been doing lots of thinking... (OH! My mp3's fully recharged!)... OK! That was out of topic. NYAHAHAHAHHA! Gonna change some songs later, since we're on topic. NEED NEW SONGS! EGAD. OK. I have one mini dilemma. Gio, please hear me out buddy! X(!
I know you'll go "SillySusu, it's just a game. Why worry? You still have me afterall. *winks*" THAT'S EPIC FAIL GIO! XD! But I still love you the best! AND QUIT FLIRTING LIKE THAT! ROFL!
OK. Let's see...
Okok. I won't stall no more...
I am STILL stalling, aren't I?...
Yeap...
Susu's Conscience: WILL YOU STOP STALLING FOR *censored* SAKE??
Susu: T_T NYAAA!!! ISH SCARY!!!
Susu's C: If you
DON'T STOP stalling, I'll make sure you'll pay for it with your SOUL! *takes the rifles out and gives a devil's face*
Susu: NYAAA!! T_T! OKIII!!!!
Ok, I have this mini dilemma ingame. FlyFF. About uhh that dude. (Susu's C: Like F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.) Well you see... I like him. Claise!!! T_T! This is embarassing!! *Susu's C gives a glare and prepares her fist* OKII!!! T_T!! Then well. I put the status offline, like you know it Claise. UGH! WHY MUST HE BE MY PIXELISED HEARTTHROB? DANG! Then well, I put online and suddenly someone went "omg! HEY!". I was like O_O! Chatted with her lha. Like usual. Then found out that she was HIS ex. I was like O_O! *confused state* You know how I dislike it if I have to talk about my heart status. ROFL! I lied to her. I'm just his best friend. HUH. XD! Gio, don't scold me! You're my bestest bestie! ^^! No one can beat you. =D! Right... Back to topic... Then uhh well... She said she can't go Malaysia at the moment but hey! IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!!!! She is willing to go as far as to FLY OVER TO MALAYSIA and MEET HIM AND UHHH!!! YOU KNOW THE STUPID LOVE BASICS! GEEZ ._.!
The thing is... I asked him and he said no but the girl wants him. I mean she likes him. So, should I be the evil one and stay like I am or be the stupid noble heroine and act hero? YEAP! I LIKEY-LIKEY SPOTLIGHT! Of course! I shall give ME up for them. The thing is... Will I hurt myself in doing so? Aren't I denying myself? Aren't I lying to myself? I mean, lying itself is a sin but doing something for someone else... I don't think I'm wrong, right? RIGHT! (Susu's C: WRONG! *at the same time*) ZOMG STUPID CONSCIENCE!! GRRR!! ._.! I don't know. I'm pretty good at masking my pain away. My facade works heavenly. Nyahahaha! Ok, my mum passed away yet I take it strongly. But these kinda things... I'm sooo pathetic. I can come up with one reason.
Death is a fact and no one can do anything about it. But heart matters, it's because I give in so easily, not wanting to fight for my own rights, that's why I'm hurt right? Yeah, I guess so.
I mean! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME! SHIZ! Where's that stupid clumsy carefree Susu I used to know??? Where is she! GAH! In finding ways to toughen myself up, to barricade myself from the world, I lost myself. My very ownself. Why I barricade myself? So that I won't feel sad easily. Or be happy easily like one fool. Or fall in love easily. I thought I had it all up. I was sure of it. Now I'm not too sure. So missing...
Hmm, but whatever. The problem is, I'm gonna do like how I know. I'm gonna force him and his ex together again. Don't say no to me, Claise. Won't work. Hurting myself is one way to barricade myself. Toughen myself. To lose myself. Please pray it will work. I hope it works.
Labels: i just hope that he hates my plan and will stick with me throughout...
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O_O!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008/ 6/11/2008 10:19:00 am
Whoa! Been so lazy to blog!! WAKAKAKAKA!! Nah! Just really tired. Lack of sleep. Slept like a log today. ZOMFGly WHOAH! Hahahahaha! It happened to rain too! You know what that means! YEP! Extension of sleeping hours! ZOMG! Really sleepy. YAY! Timothy and my ICOS assignment handed in le. We are left with ze zomgly Java Programming thingie. XD! YEP! :(! EWW!! JAVA! ROFL! I'm kinda ok with it now. Just wishing Mr Kang Leng is taking us for our Object-oriented Project. He says he's damn mean on it. But I think not. We put our efforts in what! Hahah! But yeah! As long as we put our efforts in, try and do our best, he won't be so mean! We like him. HE likes to murder his students but rest assured, the 6 of us will survive. xP! HAhahahaha!!! =)! ZOMG! My flu been acting super duper weird! EWW! The throat and the nose connects! ROFL! XD!
Labels: still tiredd
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Claisavard, prepare for doom!
Monday, June 02, 2008/ 6/02/2008 02:08:00 pm
HII!!
Today is just bad. But let's talk about the good stuffs first.
Saturday went out for wedding dinner. Puuurrrfeectt!! Had dinnah, DUH! SUp tulang. Wakakakaka! XD! My cousin brother gave me a rubix cube! OMFG! I SO HATE IT! But now I like it. Why? I CAN FINALLY SOLVE IT!
Okay.
Fated To Love you. DAMN SAD! Episode 12!! CHEN XIN YI MISCARRIAGE! NOO! X(!
Ok! TODAY DAD GETS ME SOO MAD! WHY? Let's start. With MY error. Fine. I didn't cook on time for him. He nags at me for not cooking on time. Then the preaching begun. I waste electricity by playing computer. Fine. I am a lazy lout. Fine. I'm stupid. Fine. I still haven't mature. Fine. He'd rather sell the house and find a room to rent on his own. Fine. I can go sleep on the sidewalk. Fine.
Dear Father,
Did you realise you're only hurting your very own step-daughter? Did you realise that rather than I go out and spend 10 dollars, I'd rather stay at home and play computer because it costs maximum 2 dollars on electricity for EVERY, SINGLE DAY? Would you rather I go out every single day, give me 10 dollars for everyday, which is equivalent to $300 a month and electricity... Let's say oh! You'll still pay $110? Rather than $140 and no $300 to fork out? What are you? Stupid? You call me stupid, deaf, no-use, idiotic, devil's child, no-brainer? Are you indirectly praying that I'm all of the above? Well, THANK YOU. *rolls eyes in heavy sarcasm* I've never known a much more caring father. HEY! Other fathers also scold lha! You think just because you're a senior citizen, you expect life to be a bed of roses for you? Think again. This is no Malaysia hor. This is S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E! No place for bed of roses lha! You want that? Go Malaysia lha! If you don't want me either, say lha! I go da pao my clothes, go somewhere else, also can leh! Just scold scold scold. You say we running out of money? YOU'RE NOT FUCKING HELPING EITHER! YOU FUCKING TELL ME TO STOP PLAYING COMPUTER. INCLUSIVE OF THE INTERNET AND MY ELECTRICITY BILLS PER DAY, IT'S FUCKING LESS THAN $5 YOU KNOW! Total electricity, excluding gas and water: $45. My INTERNET: $20. DIVIDE BY 30 DAYS: $2++!! TWO DOLLARS! I FUCKING SPEND ON STUPID COMPUTER $60 A MONTH LEH! YOU LEH!??? Stupid cigarettes! $100 per carton! ILLEGAL CARTON! IF YOU WANT TO SAVE! STOP SMOKING DAMN IT! That $100 CAN GO EFFING PAY YOUR TELEPHONE BILLS! You still wanna fucking blame me for your own stupid expenses??? GOOD ENOUGH that when I go school, I don't ask for pocket money. Only need money for EZ-Link. STILL NOT ENOUGH? Who are you trying to shit?
You want to cry about your CPF? CRY LHA! But government won't give a damn, STILL. You think the PM come knocking into doors, 1-by-1, asking everyone how they're faring? NOPE! Keep dreaming, I say, keep DREAMING! Asking me to stop using the computer is like asking you to stop smoking. Where for some cases, some people DO STOP smoking, hard core smoker like you CAN NEVER STOP! Even if you DO stop, SAD TO SAY, I STILL need my computer to deal with school work. SO SORRY. SO DEAL WITH IT! GEEZ! Sorry I'm not borned perfect. If I were, I'd be getting scholarships to fucking help myself. You'd rather I go USA and stay there, is it? You want me to do that, sure no prob! FINE! Lai! Donate me my air ticket, I go become USA citizen. I go stay there. Donate me 10 grand! LAI! I need that much to start a normal life, thanks a lot.
If you soooo miss your kampong lifestyle, I suggest you go Malaysia and live there lho! But hmm.. Malaysia also now have problem. You don't like Malaysia. Go Indonesia LHO! Enak aja tinggaln di Indon. Ya, mudah banget lho, mau cari cewek baru juga. Udah cari cewek, lho kahwin ama itu cewek. Udah itu, nyuruhn isteri kamu itu masakn hidangan yang enak-enak banget. Fun life what. Isn't that what you require? Someone to cook for you, take care of you. Ya what. I so lousy. Cook, can never on time. This and that. I mean, simply put, without me, your life is easier mah!
SHEESH. SO SICK OF MEN! GAH!
Labels: stupid men and their stupid principles and their fucking ego
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