=)!
Friday, May 29, 2009/ 5/29/2009 11:50:00 pm
i feel... like a turtle. hiding in my shell.
what do i know? what do i want in life?
i keep seeing you.
i want to stay longer with you.
anything to spend more time with you.
but i detest this side of me.
who keeps looking at you.
adoring you.
loving you.
i want to move far away.
where i can't see you.
reach you. feel you.
you make me feel weak inside.
you make me feel...
like a girl.
i hate you.
i hate people like you.
but people like you brings my guard down.
just like a girl.
i'm over you. i tried. in vain.
i just want to say i do like you more than a friend.
i cannot say i love you.
i doubt it's that strong.
it's just a silly crush.
but you linger in my mind.
susu.
you should just stop liking him.
it'll go nowhere.
that's what my mind screams.
my heart whispers.
susu, don't deny forever.
you know he'll always linger.
Labels: confused in love
0 bothered.
i don't know
Sunday, May 24, 2009/ 5/24/2009 11:16:00 pm
I feel like a lost person. From a lost tribe. An ancient. Coming into the new world. Curious. Weird. Strange. This new place feels so... weird.
Anyway. Life seems so mundane now. DA is so mundane aswell. I don't know what to blog but I feel the need to just blog something. I'm just angry, confused, pissed, sad, happy all at once. But which is which?! ARGH! I'm so honestly annoyed by everything! Yet I'm strangely content with everything! ARGH! All this talk drives me nuts!
Ok, I'll be honest Claise.
All I can talk or think about is him. Meaning HIM. I know! I'm CRAZY!
OMG PLEASE! He's a chinese. I'm malay. I'm short,fat and ugly. He's tall, slim and handsome. Good god! This is a crazy idea! Why am I dwelling so much on such a stupid idea! GOOD GRIEF! x.x! I'm sad! SAD SAD! I'm crazy. For sure. Sigh! Stop thinking about it! It's useless, hopeless! OMG Stupid Susu! Will you STOP IT! DAMN YOU! Not meant, NOT MEANT! DON'T THINK OF IT! GAH! Seriously, upset combo! Haha! :)!
I don't know why we get along so well. Sigh.
Our fights.
Seriously fight with each other and we end up avoiding each other's eyes.
Our silly arguements.
When we made up.
Those funny moments.
Those special moments where you did special things.
You're a funny guy, you know! Seriously! No one does crazy things. When you think I'm not looking at you, your eyes are actually boring at my silhoutte. When I thought you're not looking, you know I steal glances at your way. I'm so embarrassed, god! Caught! You're a pig! >
Scorpio... and Gemini or Gemini with Saggittarius. Or Taurus with Scorpio and Taurus with Saggittarius. XD! CONFUSING! XD!
Anywho... I don't know! Sigh! Please don't let any of this be known to him. >.>;;! Oh God. >.>;;! I really want to keep this buried in my heart. I'm just too idealistic to accept a real relationship. I don't think he's in for it anyway. -.-! His heart is probably taken a long time ago by someone else. Dwelling in it! Thus the seasons of loneliness.
I really hope I can bury this and get over it. He is nothing more than just an illusion, trying to deceive me out of the cave when he is actually just leading me deeper and deeper into the dark caverns. By then, I think I'm too lost to find my way out.
Lost is the word, definitely.
Labels: ini hanyalah satu illusi
0 bothered.
Claise....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009/ 5/19/2009 11:29:00 pm
I AM MAD!
People are telling me this...
I got to ab20 within a week! OMG! DA SO COOL!
I CAN DIE HEARING THAT! Whaddafish?! OMG! Really! KRU is making people in DA laze around. I'm seriously angered. x.x!
ANDOR IS MUCH BETTER! People work together. Seriously KRU, stop being fags, ok?! JEEZ! Gah! I'm really disappointed. KRU making abing look like a joke when in the past, they make it a chore. Sigh I have so much to ramble about but I can't describe it in words.
I'm just deep shit depressed. x.x! Sigh! DA, you're a depressant factor. Get outta my life... one way or another.
0 bothered.
fagging dad!
DAD WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!? Thank you. Faggotty faggot.
Anywho, I broke down at work. FFS. So goddamned embarrassing! x.x! GEEZ! x.x! GAH! I HATE THIS! I SHAN'T GO TO WORK SOON! BLOODY HELL! FFS!
DAD FUCKING SHUT UP!
Stupid dad nagging behind me at the moment. I need a new phone but ffs. I don't know what phone. Go to hell I'd say it. x.x! Nvm!
Embarrassed. X.x!
Stupid guy at my work should just die. GAH! I hate him! HATRED! STUPID ASS! Just go date my friend already. So I can continue my fagging mundane life. GEEZ! x.x! Stupid faggots, meaning men, should just DIE! GAH! Anywho. I'm off.
Have a great fucking evening.
0 bothered.
sad~
Sunday, May 03, 2009/ 5/03/2009 06:15:00 pm
Totally upset. Sigh. I lost my temper again. I hate it when I'm stressed. I take it out on other people! DAMN! X.x!
It means fighting with colleagues and managers. I wanna reason it out with everyone. FFS. -.-! I said sorry and everyone went back to normal. Heck. Him and I are at it again. As usual. Bullying and teasing. I just found out. HE IS SEXY! LOL! I'm serious. Just yesterday night. When he was fixing the bulb, there were girls in McDonalds' taking picture of him! OMG! Haha!
WHo wouldn't love him?!
He's sexy.
Handsome.
Gay.
Straight.
Good Figure.
Annoying as hell.
Charismatic?! x.x! [Now THAT sent shivers up me spine.]
Yes. All that. He's a star. I swear it. X.x! He even has a tattoo. ZOMG. A bad boy in disguise. Really. XD! Interesting! So, when Rafiq and I left the shop to catch the last train, his bestie came in and we gossiped to him. XD! Poor buddy was cracking up! We both ran to the entrance and pretended to take more photos of him. XD! I actually had a video on him. But ugh! My handphone is epic phail. Thus. It got deleted. :(! How sad. Otherwise you'd see. He's REALLY good looking! Sorry guys! He's booked. By Rafiq! ROFL! HAHAHA! XD! Sent him a blowing kiss and he went SHIT! ROFL!
How it happened.....He came out to counter to hug Rafiq from the back. Here's the conversation.
David: Ahhhh~ *hugs Rafiq from back*
Rafiq: Sir, you fell in love with me?!
Susu: OMG! GAY LOVE! UGH! DON'T SHOW IT!
D: *quickly unhugs*
R: It's okay sir. I understand. It's illegal. But I love you too.
D: *shivers and moves back*
S: OMG! STOP GAYING IN FRONT OF ME! TRYING TO WORK HERE! *cracks up*
D: *nods and smirks*
.....that's how it went till the end of the day.I chatted again to my regular customer. I admit. I have fun chatting with her. She's full of wise words. Again. She helped calmed me down. :)!
0 bothered.