so, here I am. Going bonkers. Sploink! Throat is on the way to better days. Definitely. So, Marina bought me some takoyaki. Not so nice, really but eh, food is food. Free is free. No complains.

Have you ever wonder what it feels like if you were to switch shoes with me, D? How would you feel to think about you? How to face you? How to talk to you without breaking down? Ever wonder? Idiot. I hate you so for making me feel so. Muddled thoughts. You confuse me everyday with your nonsense. Some days you push me away. Some days, you harass me to no end. On rare occasions do we talk like normal humans, a normal conversation. I wish all these can end.

What I really want goes beyond my own comprehension. I want you to leave Singapore. Go back to where you belong. Find someone and settle there. Don't come back. I don't need anymore hassle in my private life. Only then will I be at ease because I can't grasp you anymore. Only then will these feelings stop growing. Stop their nonsense. Such feelings give me outrageous thoughts that should never occur between us. That will never happen.

I opt to ignore. But can I make it through?

I hate fairytales because of such, I think that life always have their own happy endings. Well, look around. Does it seem that any one of us truly have our own end? A happy one at that? Who knows what people have gone through. Who knows what we or they suffer. How it feels like to see the world through their eyes. How it feels like to think about their situation and their life and what not. How different can it feel? I've once thought I'm unlucky that I don't get or have everything that I need. Then again, perhaps having everything leads to nothing eventually. Afterall, in death, you don't bring your worldly riches with you down deep.

Overall, I really should stop thinking about him. Stop it. I give up.