Cry cry cry. I really hate spawning my tears. I'm sick and tired of those salty droplets flowing down my cheeks and down my lips.

It's funny how a heart is actually 2 teardrops upside down.

Weird? So, does it mean that to get happiness, you have to suffer twice? Why the sufferrings to get what I WANT? I abhor the fact that it's actually a fact. Plain truth shitted on your face. Because seriously, I've never known what I wanted since forever. I've never known myself well enough to know what I truly like or abhor. It's frustrating to decide what I want because I've never known myself truly or well enough to know what I want. I never know what I want. Why is it some people hear their calling to a certain thing? Why can't I be the same?

Why doesn't it work the same with heart affairs? Just have what you want? I admit, it's selfish. But the one thing you want to possess, you will NEVER be able to possess it. It's that one thing that drives me to thinking too much. I should call the police and have them arrest my mind. It's only crime is that it is always bombarded with ideas and crazy thoughts. It doesn't help that through thinking, one feels that he/she feels more lonely. I admit that once I get my mind rolling, I always feel the world closing on me, turning their backs on me. That is when I feel like I've analysed so much to start hating this place. But here is where I reside. I'm Earth's resident. I can't possibly move to Pluto. I'd probably end up thinking even more since I have absolutely nothing to do.

I don't know how much more can the mind think but even right now, I'm beyond comprehension. My mind gets all sorts of crazy freaky ideas, I can feel that I'm going insane. But if I think I'm going insane, I'm not there yet, right? I don't know. It's a blur and labyrinth in the mind. I can't figure which works where. They should have departments labelled in different parts of the brain. But sadly, it's just a chunk of veins and some brainy matter into the skull, and voila! The mind!

The crime of the heart? It falls for something too quickly despite it residing at the ICU. Still recovering. Before you knew it, before you thought you're ready to face the world, another comes knocking on your door, with flowers and everything. That's when crush comes in. Seriously. The smell of it revives the heart a little but flowers, like all living things, will die one day. I believe love will die one day. But perhaps that's my biased point of view. The crush will go away. Never to return.

D, perhaps it's time I come out of my shell. I'm done hiding in my corner, watching you with my curious eyes. It's time I should just stand up and walk away. It's time I should say goodbye. I don't know if I feel for you anymore, but like insanity, perhaps it's a 50-50 thing. I don't like playing with chances. In monopoly, I always take the risk and end up in jail. I don't want to be a prisoner of my own heart. I blatantly refuse to be a resident of the Heart Prison. Perhaps it's time that I should let you know with my body movements and languages of the eyes. It's over. These feelings won't go away but without realising, I realised that it's getting easier not to hear you. Getting easier not to blog about you. Getting easier not to think about you. Getting much much easier not to feel for you. I never realised that I texted you less and less. I hope you can read it in my eyes.

It's FUCKING over.