Haha. I've been browsing through coolbuddy.com for some great avatars. I got some new onesm which is making my collect 1.1k+ now. Haha, yeah. I was browsing through the love avatars. Kinda made me think of him. I know. I'm so childish. I'm so clingy. But I really do love him. I don't know. The feelings are kind of neutral now but I cannot forget him. It's as though he's my other half, y'know.

I feel so terribly hopeless. I don't just want him as a friend. I want him back. I don't care. I feel so much like a spoilt brat now. I get what I want but I can't get him. He's so far ahead. So much for holding on. I know letting go is a very good thing but... I just want to hear him soothing me once more. He's so different from other guys. Makes me upset that he chose his privacy over me. Partially my fault too. I am an irritating pest, I guess.

I want him back, so badly. I wanna say I've learnt my lesson but I can't. I am still a spoilt girl but I learned that I can improve myself. Just once, I wish he would just e-mail me or something. I don't know! Anything! Serves me right too! I blocked him via MSN. But I just can't stand it. Me liking him and he doesn't like me anymore. He doesn't have a new fair maiden. At least, I don't think so. If he does, wow, well, what am I supposed to do? If a miracle could happen now... Impossible, eh? I know. If only he reads my blog. But I don't think he'll just e-mail me that easily. Kinda make me feel like a stupid dolt. Besides, he has nothing to offer me except a sad smile and friendship. But more than ever, I don't want to lose his friendship now. I really love him. If I must, I'll love him from far. Be contented that I'm still friends with him while my heart secretly cries out for him.

He's my torchlight, leading me out of the dark cavern.

I wish miracles work once more...

Labels: i love him, i still do. did his love for me returned to him or did it disappear all together?