I realised that after all the thinking and talking and deciding on what to do this year, I noted that I haven't really taken the first step to anywhere. Heck, I'm still pretty much stuck. I can't deny it. It's the new rule for me.

Follow the flow of life and get stuck somewhere until tsunami comes.

I'm so on that mode. I can't see myself getting a fantastic job with a fantastic pay. I can see myself working in the background, in a stinking factory. Or something. I don't know. I'm not related to anyone anyway, why should I care. Why do people keep judging me? Heavens, if it weren't for some accidents along the way, it won't have to be like this. But it's already like this so doing that doesn't make a hell of a difference either. All I can do now is just listen to my choices of songs and lead on life like there is nothing wrong when everything is wrong. There's so much deceptions I'm facing right now. It's addicting, really. Once you deceive someone, you have to deceive another to keep up with the lies. It becomes a big habit, one I can never get rid of. I can pretty much lie my way out. Being discovered is the least scariest thing on my mind because, honestly, I don't really give a fuck.

Like how Monsieur Poirot would have said... (Really, it's Agatha Christie but never you mind...)

The impulse to murder is strong because once you've gotten your victim, you will kill your accomplice next to avoid eyewitness. If someone suspects you, you will strike again like a sadistic murderer, enjoying the thrill of murder.

Well whatever. But clearly, it's explained there. To avoid people finding out what wrong you did, you'll eliminate those suspicious of you, one by one. But nevermind. Probably born to deceive and cheat people. That's my goal. My new new year resolution indeed. Whatever.

So, new year! Creepy decade. I'm gonna turn 20 soon. I don't know what in the seven wonders I'd do. Look, 20 just sends shivers up my spine, k? I feel like as though I've wasted half of my life away, doing absolutely nothing. I can't see myself advancing, I'm honest to core.

He didn't reply my messages so far. Is this a form of avoidance? Never mind. Why am I still dwelling on David? He should be far off from my mind. I should... probably fix myself and get over it.

Two goals, perhaps.

Keep the lies up.
Try and forget that worthless fool.

That's all Claisavard...!