What's with men, really? I feel so... STUPID. Yes, that pretty much sums it up.

Ok, so, Claise, you're curious what made me so... #@$@? -mad-

Here goes...

Monday was pretty a busy day, not that it was horrible, but yes, it was. I was serving customers with 2 counters. Sigh. Not that it was any faster but I liked seeing short queues. So, you see, it was pretty much busy. It was close to noon then. So, about 2pm, D dropped by, in home clothes. There goes Auntie Mok, rambling about some David and me shit. I don't really appreciate but I just let it pass, as always. Not that it brings me joy. It just irritates me to no end. How can anyone simply matchmake me with a total stranger?! She said something about "Neh, ni de nan peng you"... "There, your boyfriend...". Ok, that did it. Straightaway, I gave her a straight face and said loudly "Ahah! Auntie, where can. I have a boyfriend liao lha!" No doubts he heard it. It was then that he decided it was best to leave me alone. With a bored look (and no doubts, angered) he walked off to find Sabri, or so I thought. Whatever. When I texted him at night, he didn't reply. Thamarai said it wasn't busy at all. Queer. Probably his prepaid was low. Then again, 4th was his pay. It couldn't have all been spent on whatever, right? I don't know. Today, I texted again. No replies all the same.

Verdict: What's with him? I don't have a clue. If that's how you want to work it out, fine by me. I was sick of your attitude anyway. Go smoke yourself to death for all I care. Go missing your first love for all you want and waste your time. It's done. You're a stupid fag that my heart still care for. My STUPID heart still care for. I fell for your trick. That was your problem. I fell for it, again. This time, it's my problem. The problem now is, with your games, what can I expect? To sit still and not say a word? You want to get yourself that deal so much? You want me to just look on quietly, not voicing out anything? You know what, you've pretty much got it. You didn't reply. Why should I even bother.

Jackasses like you don't deserve anyone to care for you. You make them feel as though they've wasted half their time on you. What was the end result? Nothing. Zlip. Zero. Nada. I've wasted so many sleepless nights thinking about you and giving you up when the answer was always and already there. It was always waiting for me to see it. Perhaps you should put a sign above you.

"Anyone can communicate with me except Susu."

Maybe I should just avoid your eyes altogether also. It's my demise if I ever stare into those dreamy far-away eyes again. It's going to be a problem if I ever joke with you. I like those awkward moments between you and I so I can just run away from you. There won't be anymore such moments, right? Oh, right. It's because we won't communicate, ever.

It displeases me that your attitude towards your staffs are like nothing. Perhaps we're just a bunch of nothings in your eyes. It's upsetting that you never put in any effort. Claim anything you want, jackass, but actions speak louder than words. I don't need speech evidence, bastard. Neither do I want any physical proof that you've done it. Because by then, you should be freaking back at your own country. Stay out of sight and out of mind.

Sigh, why am I even ranting at all...?

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"Hubby, are you awake?" I whispered, slowly nudging him.

"Yes, sweet. What is wrong?" he asked as he peeped at me sleepily.

"Nothing, it's just that I want to tell you thanks for always being with me, sleeping next to the babyish me. Thanks for being my sun and my rain. Don't leave me ever, k?"

He nodded slowly and resumed his sleep. He's always like that. Listening to my endless banters and rants. Taking it seriously despite him playing it off cool. He knows how much I care for him and I know, before I even fell for him, that he has me in his mind, always. So, what made me do that? Haven't a notion. All I know is, I must tell him today. Something in the back of my mind just nags at me but what, I don't have a conjecture.

----

"No... no... Hubby... are you in pain?!" I whispered, still shocked.

He opened one eye, sleepily, just like he did early this morning. He shaked his head this time, slowly as blood seeped out of the head wound. As bloody and disgusting as it was, it's my husband. Right now, all I can see is my other half lying down in a bloody pool of his own.

"Never, because I'm going to sleep next to the babyish you. That way, I'll always be with you, sleeping on your lap."

His last words died together with his heart beat, silent to everyone but mine. My scream, an agony verbalise made the stupid me realise that we'll never be together, ever. I clutched at the memories of him and I.

####

"Honey, NO!"

I was pushed by a lethal force. I fell on my chin. I got up weakly and turned around to see if my husband was alright. It was a sight that will drown me in tears until my last breath.

####

Him and I. We're always together. Memories, even if it's the only present I have left from him, I still have the best present from him: him.

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Labels: some random rant about D and storytelling session