I'm so tired. Bored.

Stupid group decided to bust on me. I don't know what exactly happened. But I just wasted one whole say. Good gods, I want to cry! ;.;!

Anyway...

I asked Abang for schedule. He asked me to call the outlet. I called, heart thumped regularly. God! When he picked the phone up, it just raced. Heavens! I hoped he didn't hear my heart thumping so bad! I wanted to ask for schedule. I didn't want to waste more time than necessary on the phone. I couldn't help but smirk. We joked a little. I attempted a mini conversation. A simple "How are you?". He was fine. I ended the call there. I was like "Okok, byeee byeee~". Good gods! I thought I had it in me to end the call smoothly like say... "Ok sir! I gotta run now, chicken's burning!" Or something along that line. I guess I was tongue-tied. Annoying, really.

I thought that by not seeing him, I would stop thinking about him. Stop the feelings. I was right. And wrong. The moment I heard the voice, I felt like I've went back to square one. I couldn't help but to grin. Like a maniac. A fool. Or goofy. I guess I was right. There's no stopping this. Until I set the line. Or rather, unreciprocated love. I keep wishing for that but really. Do I really want it to happen? Or is it just my wishful thinking? Just so I can be hurt all over again.

I don't want to look forward to tomorrow. Because I'm a coward.
But I do want to work tomorrow. Just to see... to see if I really am a girl, now.

No more tomboyish Susu.

To be honest Claise. I've been shopping. A lot. I know. :)! Did I change? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe not much. Maybe a lot. All I know. I still am the same. I'm just.... more vain, I suppose. A girl's first impression is impresion number 1? Or so they say... Also I know. I can't stand seeing him just simply chatting with another girl. I get frustrated by that. Jealous. I think, is the preferable word in this case.

I'm a girl. I'm in love. I love him. Is that so wrong? Him and me?

Labels: am so tired and confused... just fucking confused.