You know, pseudology? Yeah, art of lying. It's an art. ART.



I don't know but I daresay this. This picture and its quote speaks a thousand words and whispers more.

It's so funny how you know you like him but you know you can't be together because so far, you've been standing on your own two feet on your own without him knowing that you're affected by him. If you can keep on standing, do so. It just means someone so much more perfect is out there for you.

Aiyaaa!

You know what Claise! I cannot stop it. I CANNOT STOP IT. I'm so irritated, PLEASE. Last night, for my entire friday, I was like reading up on "How to stop liking him". I realised all these while, I FEEL LIKE A STALKER. OH MY GAH! ROFL. STALKERMAX.COM! Stalking someone I liked, aiyoo!

So I ended up deleting some shit like Facebook on my iPhone and his number. Because he updated some shit about wanting to quit soon. SO, deciding not to be a maddening stalker, I deleted his number and all the texts we exchanged. Happy, I went to bed with a smile. I woke up late because of my bliss and suddenly... BAM! He replied to my text. I SPECIFICALLY SPECIFIED IN THE BLOODY TEXT...

Haha! Whatever it is, I hope you stay strong in whatever you're facing. Everyone is here for you, excluding me, that is. HAHA, night!

Which PART of my text said you can whine to me? I'm not feeling bitchy or anything, just fagging annoyed. I already then decided, I don't want to be there for you any more. But somehow, I ended up always being there for him and I'm fishing pissed at myselfreplied.

Then...

I felt stupid. I can still joke about this stupid matter of him wanting to quit. I DON'T KNOW LAH!! No matter what though, I'll keep this quiet. To me, all matters of people are to be kept secret, especially at work BECAUSE it's just kinda plain rude to just blab it out to others and create rumours/scandals. I may be the "bitch-yest" person at work but I'm still nice and smart enough to keep secrets when people don't wanna blab about it all.

It's how I lock myself away. You just keep laughing and joke with others AND be the bloody joke and you'll stay on the safe side. You hear people whine about their life, then you give them a helpful advice, THEN you make fun of them after that. Nothing to hurt their ego or feelings, just to make everyone feel better, y'know?

Like this scenario...

Friend: I dunno, I'm kinda having problems with my guy. It's like when I want him to text me, he doesn't. When I'm busy, he texts me. Like, what the hell!
Me: I dunno, maybe you just give him a clear sign like "Hey babe, sorry kinda busy atm so text me back in half"?
Friend: Yeah but he doesn't get it sometimes and it kinda annoys me.
Me: Maybe you should tell it to him in French...
Friend: SUSU, urgh!!

I'm just making it up. But yeah, I do have mates having relationship problems. I don't know man. It's why I sodding STAY AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS LIKE A PLAGUE. I have enough of a headache from studies and work and family AND finance. I don't need a guy to give extra pain. Paracetamol doesn't work always, y'know Claise?

Ok, back to the idiot. LOL! After that texting, I opened my notebook and saw my scribbles. Nothing fancy about liking him or anything. It's just me writing his name then cancelling it out with rage. I thought it might save paper compared to writing his name on tens of papers then tearing it all. WASTE. lol. I saw them and I went sighing. Here I go again, going back on my word. I shouldn't be so fickle-hearted sometimes. I'm so environmental friendly, please. and I'm supposed to be in work in 11 hours.

GREAT.

Trolling like a boss. Stress, y'know. I wanna bloody spank his face and say this.

WAKE UP! SMELL THE DAMNED ROSE. At least you haven't lost a parent! You ain't adopted for shit. You're working! You have a job and quite a stable life. WHY YOU WORRY ABOUT BEING SINGLE?! Life's never stressful until you make it so much more harder. But it's a bonus that life's a bitch sometimes. Eh well, go and cry then. I no care no more!

lol. Just lol.

Night.

It gets harder and harder to try and not to think of him, Claise. How I wish it was over in a simple grandiose. He has every right to call me pathetic, stupid, irritating, annoying. All of it. My arrogance and pride lead me into this stupid, stupid predicament. He should hate me. Like detest me. Like fucking throw me away like a stupid piece of trash. But argh!! I'm ANNOYED BY THESE STUPIF FEELINGS!!! Argh!!!

For reasons that don't seem to comprehend, I wished he'd just stay away from now onwards. We should stop being nice to each other. I don't want him to go thinking as though I like him. Everytime my eyes fall on you, all I can see is contempt for me. Is that how bad I am? I must be. You stay away from me like a plague. God! I shouldn't even wonder the chocolates that I gave you, you'd throw them away. You seem to be hating me more and more. Right now, all I hope is that you hate me more. Keep hating. If you keep hating me and distancing yourself from me, I might just hate you in return. Because I'm just a bitch that way.

Claise, I wonder what should I do. I don't wanna burden myself with these thoughts. Should I keep distancing myself? I think you love it when I don't talk to you, right? You must be. I'd be, if I were you.

It's just that life's like that and there's nothing you can do about it.