You know how nocturns behave, Claise? Yeah. Stay awake at night because of insomnia. It's getting to me. I can't sleep early but once I sleep, I sleep like a log. I know. Piiiiigg. Hahaha! So awesome that way. ;D!

I feel like banging my head. Once. Twice. Thrice. I must be crazy. I think I am anyway. Psychologically demented.

**************************

"I wanna divorce you. I don't think we can live together anymore," I concluded.

"Why not? Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No, you didn't," I sighed.

"If I did nothing, then why?" he inquired again.

"That's exactly it! You're doing nothing! I don't even get any flowers on our special occasions! In fact, all you did is just asked how was my day and spent our day together. I want something more! Like our neighbour! She gets flowers from her beloved every week as signs of affection! But you? None!" I cried.

"I see. I'm sorry. This is some pretty big issue. I'll need some time to think through. Get some rest, k? We'll continue tomorrow," he whispered.

He carressed my cheeks and left me alone to my tears. In his office, I heard typings. That's just how it is. He let me rest first before he joins me during sleep time. I cried myself to sleep.

----

I woke up, to the dullness of the weather. It was drizzling lightly. The dreary weather reminded me of last night. I turned to see my bed clock by the side table and saw an envelope. I got curious and read it.

"To my only one..."

I tore it open and read.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't aware of this. I'm sorry I couldn't give you any flowers or even craft any flowers for you because my hands are being used. By you. Whenever you get frustrated on the computer or your laptop, you'd always whine about how crappy technology is and I'd fix it in silence. I'm sorry I didn't walk to the florist or to garden to pick a beautiful rose for you because I need my legs for you. Whenever you feel tired or your old fracture starts acting up again, I want to use my legs to walk you home myself. I'm sorry I don't have any eye for beautiful sunflower or roses because I want to be your eyes. You'd always grumble because you left your spectacles back at home and can't see the bus coming. I want to remain as your eyes and keep a look out for you. I'm sorry if I still didn't give you any bouquet and if this still upsets you, I'll understand.

But I still love you and intend to remain next to the disabled you for life. I'll be waiting under the tree outside our home with your favourite muffin should you choose to let me help you all the way till death do us part.

Your husband."

Before I even knew it, the letter was wet with my tears. I could hear the drizzle gettig heavier and heavier and my other half is outside, out there waiting for me!

I rushed out and found him true to his word. He was shivering and holding my favourite muffin, looking nervous. When he saw me, he broke into a big smile. I ran to him under the rain and hugged him. He simply let me hug him while he held the umbrella.

"I'm sorry I've been selfish. I always think for myself and never for you. Let's go in, k? To our home," I held my hand out. He gave me the muffin and he held me close instead an walked together into our paradise.

**************************

How?! Retarded story right? Haha!! :p

I don't wanna think about it. Just plain depressed. Shall blog soon, k Claisavard? :D

CUKUPLAH AKU MENCINTAI DALAM DIAM ♥

Kalau kita sukakan seseorang,
jangan beritahu si dia.
Nanti Allah kurangkan rasa cinta padanya
Tapi luahkan pada Allah,
beritahulah Allah.
Allah Maha mengetahui siapa jodoh kita ..

Cintai Dia Dalam Diam,
Dari Kejauhan Dengan Kesederhanaan & Keikhlasan

Jika benar cinta itu kerana ALLAH maka biarkanlah ia mengalir mengikut aliran ALLAH kerana hakikatnya ia berhulu dari ALLAH maka ia pun berhilir hanya kepada ALLAH
"Dan segala sesuatu Kami ciptakan berpasang-pasangan supaya kamu mengingat kebesaran ALLAH."
(Adz Dzariyat : 49)

Tetapi jika kelemahan masih nyata dipelupuk mata maka bersabarlah, berdoalah & berpuasalah
"Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina; sesungguhnya zina itu adalah satu perbuatan yang keji.
Dan suatu jalan yang buruk."
(Al Israa' : 32 )



Ketika kau mendambakan sebuah cinta sejati yang tak kunjung datang,
Allah SWT mempunyai Cinta dan Kasih yang lebih besar dari segalanya & Dia telah menciptakan sseorang yang akan menjadi pasangan hidupmu kelak.
Ketika kau merasa bahawa kau mencintai seseorang,
namun kau tahu cintamu tak terbalas
Allah SWT tahu apa yang ada di depanmu & Dia sedang mempersiapkan segala yang terbaik untukmu

Cukup cintai dalam diam
bukan kerana membenci hadirnya
tetapi menjaga kesuciannya
bukan kerana menghindari dunia
tetapi meraih syurga-NYA
bukan kerana lemah untuk menghadapinya
tetapi menguatkan jiwa dari godaan syaitan yang begitu halus & menyelusup

Cukup cintai dari kejauhan
kerana hadirmu tiada kan mampu menjauhkan dari ujian
kerana hadirmu hanya akan menggoyahkan iman dan ketenangan
kerana mungkin membawa kelalaian hati-hati yang terjaga

Cukup cintai dengan kesederhanaan
Memupuknya hanya akan menambah penderitaan
menumbuhkan harapan hanya akan membumbui kebahagiaan para syaitan

Cintailah dengan keikhlasan
Kerana tentu kisah Fatimah dan Ali Bin Abi Talib diingini oleh hati
tetapi sanggupkah jika semua berakhir seperti sejarah cinta Salman Al Farisi..??
".. boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu.
ALLAH mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
(Al Baqarah : 216 )


Jangan memberi harapan pada yang belum pasti,
kelak ada insan yang bakal dilukai,
Jangan menaruh harapan pada yang belum tentu dimiliki,
nanti hati yang kecewa sendiri.
Sebaliknya,
gantunglah segenap pengharapanmu kepada Yang Maha Memberi,
nescaya dirimu tak sesekali dizalimi,
kerana Dia mendengar pengharapanmu setiap kali & Dia menunaikannya dgn cara-Nya yang tersendiri

Cukup cintai dalam diam dari kejauhan dengan kesederhaan & keikhlasan
Kerana tiada yang tahu rencana Tuhan
mungkin saja rasa ini ujian yang akan melapuk atau membeku dengan perlahan

Kerana hati ini begitu mudah untuk dibolak-balikkan
serahkan rasa itu pada Yang Memberi dan Memilikinya
biarkan DIA yang mengatur semuanya hingga keindahan itu datang pada waktunya
"Barangsiapa yang menjaga kehormatan orang lain, pasti kehormatan dirinya akan terjaga."
(Umar Bin Khattab ra)


If you really love her, you won’t touch her.
Not even the slightest bit.
You’ll protect her dignity and sacredness as a muslimah.
Just hold her in your heart for a few more years ..
then you can do it the halal way


“Sesiapa sahaja yang memberi kerana Allah, menolak kerana Allah, mencintai kerana Allah,membenci kerana Allah & menikah kerana Allah, maka bererti ia telah sempurna imannya.”
(HR. Al-Hakim)

HZ COPYPASTE FROM ALLAHSEEKER.BLOGSPOT.COM

You know what's fuckin' scary Claise? It's the thought of losing my dad. Oh come on! Seriously!! Dad's been sick. He's been forgetting quite loads of shit. Tell me that ain't something, yo!! I just came back home. I wanted to go in but he leashed the door. He looked out of the door and I FUCKING SWEAR!!!

HE. DOESN'T. FUCKING. REMEMBER. ME.

I'm scared. Dead scared. Afraid. Petrified.

Scared that I'll lose someone I know as...
family

I don't wanna go through the same shit when I was 17 and when I'm still not prepared to face the world on my own two feet. Deathly afraid.

Labels: petrified to my innermost core...

Like f***ing red. Argh! Sore eyes, please go away! If not, at work, shall I sway!

I need to egging blog! About my shitty work.

We're lending our staffs to other outlets. A couple of outlets are opening soon. Now is vacation. WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN ONCE WE, THE POLYTECHNIC STUDENTS, ARE GONNA RESUME THEIR STUDIES? ALL THE TRAINEES ARE NOT GONNA STAY AT CLEMENTI, Y'KNOW? Ok. Done, voiced out my annoying opinion. No, but honestly, for fuck's sake, you can't expect us to keep taking your shift. The moment you join, you're supposed to be committed already. The schedule that's fucking planned AND given by and to you, please stick to it lha! You know the risks of working with having kids to take care of. I'm not saying you should neglect them but I'm not saying you should be paying attention either. Consider yourself lucky that I'm still nice enough to take over. Consider yourself VERY lucky that's still the vacation. But oh, what the fuck. I'm going back to my old company to help out a tad bit. Know what that means? 2 fucking jobs. Please, refrain yourself from asking me already. Sick and tired of the shitty excuses of husband and kid. If your husband can't manage, are we suppose to manage it somehow? If your kids are giving problems, are we the fucking solution?

Go to hell.

I should have declined.

Labels: needs a good fix that thing does