Everything. Everything is so gay. My feelings is in an uproar. I cannot express it.

Maybe it's due me being lazy that I'm postponing my laundry to tomorrow. Maybe it's due to me on procrastinating mode that I'm drinking lemonade. Maybe it's still me being whiney.

ADVISE: PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB PEOPLE AFTER TEN BY CALLING AND DROPPING BY, POSING AS GUESTS. PEOPLE WANT TO SLEEP. PEOPLE WANT TO WORK THE NEXT DAY. PEOPLE WANT TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY. PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN TIRED AT NIGHT. FAGGOTS. FESTIVE SEASON IS JUST AN EXCUSE. SO NOW FUCK OFF, FAGS.

Seriously.

It's just so rude. It's ok, whatever. So fuck, I'm so pissed right now. Har-Har much.

I'm so overdue. So much for wanting to forget and be mute. I can't just do that. Not even at a snail's pace. I just go back to me adoring him. Sigh. What a weirdo. It's so funny how I can block him out for a few hours and the next, it comes back to me. Sometimes, when I haven't the mood to chit chat, I'd just keep quiet and avoid his eyes. But after that, it's gone. Why did he wait for me when I asked him to wait? Is he nuts? He could have just gave an excuse and said "I'm not feeling well, think I better go home first. See you on Friday." or something. The CMS that I scored on June, 100%, I still haven't got my coupon and my cash. Sigh. Instead, he asked me if I wanted anything. I was shaking my head. Broke is broke, sir, don't so macho and care to spend. Instead, I was offered LJS coupon. One for Rafiq, one for me. Why? Sigh. It was his own coupon. He's crazy. Probably because he's gonna go home by end of this year. Eh well.

I don't feel particularly well myself. Physically and emotionally. I keep having flu. I best go for a check up soon. It's just that I'm procrastinating right now. Har-Har much. So okay. If I really have H1N1, fuck. I'd probably be like escaping a 1-month grill torture. HAHA! The coupon is more than ever. LJS should effing fix themselves.

Sometimes, I find myself fascinated with you. Sometimes, I wonder why am I even liking you. I can't find the answers. It all lies with you. Why do you have to be so... you? It's strikingly you that I'm liking you. Smiling is all I can afford now. I refuse to let my heart fragmentalize into a million pieces. Do you know how hard it is to find that one tiny weenie piece to really complete your heart? Yet ironically, people say it's better to leave a shattered heart behind than trying to fix it. You'll just end up hurting yourself, fixing, finding all pieces. I can imagine going all loony finding and fixing. I'm not raised to have any patience in me.

P.S. Marina is coming tomorrow with Texas Chicken.
P.P.S. Chocolate saved my sanity and my day.
P.P.P.S. I miss him, even if I see him, I still miss him.

never guarantees you a place in this world. well, whatever!

Being in love is a better fate than loving someone.

Sigh. So true true true.

Being in love, means you're in love with someone and who is in love with you. Feelings requited. You care for each other.

Loving someone just means you just care for someone with your heart without expecting anything in return. You'll never receive the same attention that you freely gave away. How cruel is fate?

Ignore him now.
Work.

Ignore him now.
Busy yourself with anything.

Ignore him now.
Avoid his eyes and presence.

Ignore him now, now now!
BAH! About time I should be selfish and lock him out of my heart.

I didn't mean to hurt your pride as a person. I didn't mean to ignore you. I didn't mean to feel like this. I didn't intentionally fall in love with you. You think I wanted this? To feel useless? Pathetic much, Susu. I didn't mean to text you to stop whatever you want to do, even if it meant that you want to suicide. Maybe you should go on doing whatever you want to do. Afterall, it is your life. Not mine.

Stop talking to him.

Labels: annoyed

to Big Bang's Lies and Haru Haru songs. For those who have affection for Korean songs, do listen up. It's lovely, I guarantee. Allright. I'm just not gonna blab much. I'll stop here.

I'll update another post later. Lazy to type now.

Ever wonder what we can see if we see from someone else's point of view? I've never been too satisfied with my own thoughts but again, I always feel that I'm right. Is there such bias? Ok, I'm cool with anything either way. I know I'm right and wrong but I prefer to think that I'm right. Ok, screw you mind. I ought to have you judged at the Supreme Court one day. The battle's not over, the war hasn't been declared, you little elf.

Great, now that I'm done talking to my mind, I feel more... sane-r, if that is supposed to help or work or both. So, today was just blargh! The POS was giving us major troubles. Like for egg's sake! Me got super pissed, not to mention annoyed (although both meant the same, I'm just being perspective here, or whatever!), David was feeling the same. We both had to write? Egad? Are you HIGH?! HIGH HIGH HIGH?! Ok, POS machine was high on cordial today. Note: Never give Orange Juice to it in the morning, it's go all wacky! Went walking around. LOL! Shortly after I arrived at work, I was sent off again to Clementi to send... EGGS?! For EGG'S SAKE! LOL! Polo was like "OMG EGGS! *caress the egg packet*" BOO MUCH?! He actually went to buy 20 damned eggs, crack them all and stir and cook. ._.! I felt a bit... retarded there because he showed me THEM EGGS! WHAT'S WITH EGG ISSUES TODAY?! x.X;; 'Nuff said.

So, after which, I hassled to Chua Chu Kang(Don't I wish that I believe I can fly!)! Grabbed the Crew File. Originally, Polo told me that he's gonna collect his one tomorrow but heh. I asked the manager there and was like "HEYY Is the Clementi's crew file here???" *searches* Nope. DOT! X_X! So much for "wanting to collect tomorrow" when it's "nope" not there. Ok, I left a detail there. Polo gave me a FREE CHOCOLATE PIE! YEEHAA! :D! JOY JOY JOY! *groans* 'Scuse me! I has one pineapple and one chocolate at home and I left Polo's choccie at work. DIE! x.X;;! So much for pie promotion, so retarded, fadgy.

So, next Monday, hell's gonna restart. EFFING GRILL PROMOTION COUPON IS BACK AND WE ARE LACKING CAPABLE STAFF. DIE MUCH! LIKE WHAT THE C***?! HELLO! WE NO HAVE STRONG STAFF HERE AND THERE AND YOU PEOPLES WANT US TO SUFFER AGAIN?! GRILL CRAZE?! I CALL YOU GUYS CRAZED!!!!! NOW AUTOMATIC REPAIR YOURSELF AND RESTART AND HOPEFULLY ALL VIRUS ARE GONE BY THEN!!

fudgy. the strong green explains it all. die.


By Crispin Thornton Jones.

The music I play, does it cheer you up?
The music I play, can you hear it?
The music I play, can you feel it?

The sorrow I pour in my songs, an endless string of tragedies in my life and yours. Mum, since you've been gone, all I could ever do is let the world know my sorrow that's etched deep in me with the rhapsody I play. Autism plays a major role in my life now.

You stole my breath away.
You stole my sight away.
You stole my speech away.
Most of all, you stole all love away.
All away from me.

Mum, how can you do this to me? Life is but a nought of note for me now.

I feel and hear you, dear. Please live on, for you, for me, for us. We'll meet at the gates of Paradise one day. Until then, please live for our sake.

Some random story I cooked with that portrait. Hope you guys liked it. :X!

Labels: random mumblings and sorrows etched

Probably I should write a book soon. I don't know. I'm contemplating on my writing skills at the moment. Should really be sleeping but eh.



"Daddy, don't leave me..."

Tears shed as she cried. A child of 8. In the rain, she sat next to a body of 48, a father figure for the girl. Oh how time passes since she was last abandoned, only to be left alone again in this world.

Hands on the corpse, all red and wet. It's as though there's red wine being poured all over but reality is so much more cruel. Blood flowing ever so freely like a river from a supply that will soon be nonexistant. Her tears flowed down, the world crying along with her for her loss.

Disobedience paid a price. A love lost and a lonely world to venture.

I'll always watch over you, child. So please cry today and smile tomorrow. I'll always be here.

Cry cry cry. I really hate spawning my tears. I'm sick and tired of those salty droplets flowing down my cheeks and down my lips.

It's funny how a heart is actually 2 teardrops upside down.

Weird? So, does it mean that to get happiness, you have to suffer twice? Why the sufferrings to get what I WANT? I abhor the fact that it's actually a fact. Plain truth shitted on your face. Because seriously, I've never known what I wanted since forever. I've never known myself well enough to know what I truly like or abhor. It's frustrating to decide what I want because I've never known myself truly or well enough to know what I want. I never know what I want. Why is it some people hear their calling to a certain thing? Why can't I be the same?

Why doesn't it work the same with heart affairs? Just have what you want? I admit, it's selfish. But the one thing you want to possess, you will NEVER be able to possess it. It's that one thing that drives me to thinking too much. I should call the police and have them arrest my mind. It's only crime is that it is always bombarded with ideas and crazy thoughts. It doesn't help that through thinking, one feels that he/she feels more lonely. I admit that once I get my mind rolling, I always feel the world closing on me, turning their backs on me. That is when I feel like I've analysed so much to start hating this place. But here is where I reside. I'm Earth's resident. I can't possibly move to Pluto. I'd probably end up thinking even more since I have absolutely nothing to do.

I don't know how much more can the mind think but even right now, I'm beyond comprehension. My mind gets all sorts of crazy freaky ideas, I can feel that I'm going insane. But if I think I'm going insane, I'm not there yet, right? I don't know. It's a blur and labyrinth in the mind. I can't figure which works where. They should have departments labelled in different parts of the brain. But sadly, it's just a chunk of veins and some brainy matter into the skull, and voila! The mind!

The crime of the heart? It falls for something too quickly despite it residing at the ICU. Still recovering. Before you knew it, before you thought you're ready to face the world, another comes knocking on your door, with flowers and everything. That's when crush comes in. Seriously. The smell of it revives the heart a little but flowers, like all living things, will die one day. I believe love will die one day. But perhaps that's my biased point of view. The crush will go away. Never to return.

D, perhaps it's time I come out of my shell. I'm done hiding in my corner, watching you with my curious eyes. It's time I should just stand up and walk away. It's time I should say goodbye. I don't know if I feel for you anymore, but like insanity, perhaps it's a 50-50 thing. I don't like playing with chances. In monopoly, I always take the risk and end up in jail. I don't want to be a prisoner of my own heart. I blatantly refuse to be a resident of the Heart Prison. Perhaps it's time that I should let you know with my body movements and languages of the eyes. It's over. These feelings won't go away but without realising, I realised that it's getting easier not to hear you. Getting easier not to blog about you. Getting easier not to think about you. Getting much much easier not to feel for you. I never realised that I texted you less and less. I hope you can read it in my eyes.

It's FUCKING over.

the crime of the mind is that it thinks too much.

'Nuff said.

P.S. Hari Raya is boring.
P.P.S. I'm gonna meet Rafiq later to just chit chat. XD!

unable to sleep.

I got super pissed with Dragonica. Stupid fucking Hookah. Kept spawning effing mobs. I was soloing that stupid shit. Effing idiot has 95k hp. WTF much. That's just so over. It also heals itself. Holy mothaf*cker! Enough Dragonica. Stayed up till now because of it. Sheesh.

1.11. Is someone thinking of me? Sigh. 'Nuff said.

Today went home super early. To end up sleeping like a total loser. I just burn out so fast. Sugah isn't the solution to my everything. Maybe because I just didn't have enough sleep. Die die die. *bangs head on wall* Sigh. I fell in love with Vivian Hsu's Ai Xiao De Yan Jing.

如果不是那镜子
ru guo bus hi na jing zi
If not for the mirror,

不像你不藏秘密
bu xiang ni bu cang mi mi
Unlike you who don’t keep secrets,

我还不肯相信
wo hai bu ken xiang xin
I still don’t believe

没有你我的笑更美丽
mei you ni wo de xiao geng mei li
Without you, my smile is more beautiful.

那天听你在电话里略带抱歉的关心
na tian ting ni zai dian hua li lue dai bao qian de guan xin
That day I heard you over the phone, with your sorry gentleness

我嘟的一声切的比你说分手彻底
wo du de yi sheng qie de bi ni shuo fen shou che di
I hung up with a beep better than you broke up with me

泪湿的衣洗干净阳光里晒干回忆
lei shi de yi fu xi gan jing yang guang li shai gan hui yi
I washed tear sodden clothes and dried my memories in the sun

折好了伤心明天只和快乐出去
zhe hao le shang xin ming tian zhi he kuai le chu qu
Folded up sadness, tomorrow I’m only going out with Happiness

这爱的城市虽然拥挤
zhe ai de cheng shi sui ran yong ji
The Love City may be crowded

如果真的遇见你
ru guo zhen de yu jian ni
If I really meet you

你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替
ni bu bi ya yi wo de xiao ta wu fa dai ti
Don’t be surprised. She can’t replace my smile


离开你我才发现自己
li kai ni wo cai fa xian zi ji
Leaving you only leads me on to discovering my own

那爱笑的眼睛
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

流过泪 #
liu guo lei
Crying,

像躲不过的暴风雨
xiang duo bu guo de bao feng yu
It’s like being under a thunderstorm

淋湿的昨天删去*
lin shi de zuo tian shan qu
Delete the wet tomorrow

离开你我才找回自己
li kai ni wo cai zhao hui wo zi ji
Leaving you lets me find my

那爱笑的眼睛 #
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

再见爱情
zai jian ai qing
Bye-bye love,

我一定让自己 #
wo yi ding rang zi ji
I’ll let myself

让自己决定
rang zi ji jue ding
Let myself decide


泪湿的衣洗干净阳光里晒干回忆
lei shi de yi fu xi gan jing yang guang li shai gan hui yi
I washed tear sodden clothes and dried my memories in the sun

折好了伤心明天只和快乐出去
zhe hao le shang xin ming tian zhi he kuai le chu qu
Folded up sadness, tomorrow I’m only going out with Happiness

这爱的城市虽然拥挤
zhe ai de cheng shi sui ran yong ji
The Love City may be crowded

如果真的遇见你
ru guo zhen de yu jian ni
If I really meet you

你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替
ni bu bi ya yi wo de xiao ta wu fa dai ti
Don’t be surprised. She can’t replace my smile


离开你我才发现自己
li kai ni wo cai fa xian zi ji
Leaving you only leads me on to discovering my own

那爱笑的眼睛
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

流了泪
liu le lei
That cried

当一个人看旧电影
dang yi ge ren kan jiu dian ying
Take it that I watched an old movie alone

是我不小心而已
shi wo bu xiao xin er yi
It’s just me being careless.

离开你我才找回自己
li kai ni wo cai zhao hui wo zi ji
Leaving you lets me find my

那爱笑的眼睛 #
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

再见到你
zai jian dao ni
Meeting you again,

我一定让自己让自己坚定
wo yi ding rang zi ji rang zi ji jian ding
I will let myself, let myself, be strong


离开你我才发现自己
li kai ni wo cai fa xian zi ji
Leaving you only leads me on to discovering my own

那爱笑的眼睛
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

流过泪 #
liu guo lei
Crying,

像躲不过的暴风雨
xiang duo bu guo de bao feng yu
It’s like being under a thunderstorm

淋湿的昨天删去*
lin shi de zuo tian shan qu
Delete the wet tomorrow


离开你我才找回自己
li kai ni wo cai zhao hui wo zi ji
Leaving you lets me find my

那爱笑的眼睛 #
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

再见爱情
zai jian ai qing
Bye-bye love,

我一定让自己让自己坚定
wo yi ding rang zi ji rang zi ji jian ding
I will let myself, let myself, be strong


再见到你
zai jian dao ni
Meeting you again,

我一定让自己假装很坚定
wo yi ding rang zi ji jia zhuang hen jian ding
I would put on a strong front

Sigh. It's a long post because of the song. But really. This song, how much it describes me. But I cannot really discover my happy eyes. Heh. I'm feeling so bleh, thinking whatever, tired like shit, sleepy like a drug-addict.

It's SOOOO whatever.

Sometimes, maybe you should stay within my sight but out of earshot. Perhaps only the eyes could convey the messages across. I hate the sound of you but I don't hate the sight of you. Sightings can turn into illusions whereas your voice brings me back to reality that you're right in front of me, never disappearing. At least, not yet. One day you'll leave here. Leaving me be with my thoughts and especially the time that I've wasted on you, spent on you, liking you. Focused on you. Perhaps then I'll wake up. Maybe for now, I'll just enjoy my daydreams and my reality. Until you're gone, life will still remain a wondrous mystery for me because fuck this, I hate falling in love yet I'm in the catch of an irony.

Claise, what is Susu gonna do...?

Labels: mumblings and thoughts

Has it even crossed the mind how many times something happens? Like coincidence? I don't get along well with coincidences well enough but ok. Let's do so. I just seem to feel that this has happened before a few times but how many, I seemed to lost count. It all seems so familiar. When I reach that stage, I go in a trance because I feel as though it's happened before but I'll try and recall how long ago, how many times. So much for the games of illusions and trances.

Work was tiring today. 13 hours of work with 4 hours of sleep. I'm a borned genius. Don't ask how or why. Know something, Claise? I hate David. Lol. Don't know why. Don't know how. I just do. He's fun, ok. But I feel like I'm getting to his bored side and he's getting to my nerves. So egging annoying. Whether he laughs or smile, I don't feel like it's anything special or anything. It feels more of... retarded. I used to think how wonderful it will be to have him smile at me like that every single damned time. But it's the damned times that I've given up all notions on. Sometimes, I just feel like shouting at him to just fuck off. Sometimes, I just feel like telling to go back to where he came from. Sometimes, I wish he'll just disappear altogether. Can you please read this in bold?!

Please just disappear from my life. I love you too much, it became a bad habit, it becomes an annoyance, it becomes something unimportant and a burden. You are my justified burden. Please leave my shoulders and leave me be.

Sigh.

Dear stranger,

Please hate me. It will lessen my headaches.
Please don't talk to me. Conversation is one of the stronger ways to bond.
Please don't look at me in the eye. The eyes convey messages of the heart. I don't want to know what you feel or think.
Most of all, please walk out of my life and leave no prints. You're good enough a memory but I don't want your stains all over me.

With love,

me.

Sigh. I need friend's love. Severe concussion upcoming, I can feel it. Phone bills came in. 52. I'll die, broke.

I need to do a life test on me. When I'm due. I believe I'm overdue now.

Life is in parallel to my heart & brain. What brainee says, I do. What my heart screams, I heed.

Oh the clashes of irony and facts. Do it or don't. You end up choosing both. Why can't we simply heed one and ignore the other?

Simply say, you don't want to talk to him and somehow, you ended up talking to a him. Do it or don't. Welcome to quantum. Potentially doing it and not doing it. Fuck life. Reality works too closely with quantum for my personal level of comfort. Perhaps we should mess the theories as well and replace it with simplicity.

Just let life work on its own. Love, scientist.

I'm on pepper. It's the pepper and his texts that caused the laws and friction in my life to go all nasty and twisted AND wrong. Oh how life works queer.

Welcome to off days. Gotta love my off. 50% of my day is spent on sleeping. As such, I slept from midnight till 5pm today. Verdict? Don't disturb when I snoozing. I really need the sleep much. So, here I am, blogging with a minor headspin right now. Sucks, really. So much for sleeping, really. Didn't expect D to reply to my whinings today. How he'd ever found out I grilled my fingers, specifically, I can never figure. I only texted that I burnt myself. I didn't say where. It could be my elbow for all I know but ugh, no thanks. In fact, it's all of my fingers except my thumb on my right hand that got affected. Really. The burnt parts paled much because I put my hand in ice water for, say, 3 solid hours at work. I'm just amazing much. Whatever did I do this Ramadhan, really.

Food poisoning.
Fever.
Flu.
Diarrhoea.
Minor burn.

What's next? A prick on the finger? Sheesh.

So, what's gotten into me as of late? I don't know. Clearly, I'm amazed at my level of intelligence. So low. Warlocks much. Dragonica lagged like a mofo. Result? I lagged, simple.

I know I know, I can't run away from reality forever. I didn't say I wanted to run away forever. I request for a change. A break. Do we get such things like "reality vacations"? Highly doubt it. Say, even when you run off and fly to Paris, nothing will change the world. Only where you've been and what you do changes. The fact remains, reality will still hit you bad, one way or another. Probably riot approaching. You got robbed at the mall. Your relative got into an accident. One way or another, life calls you back and makes sure you're there to hear or see it, or better still, both. Life is simply such a bitch.

Then again, so what if you don't take a break from life? It doesn't end up all bad altogether. Ok, maybe not. But there are those happy moments, y'know? But, yeah, like I say, it's those bad moments that make you wanna quit life even if the good ones outweighs the bad ones. It's just those bad moments in life that really gets that ball rolling.

Once I've wondered, what happens if time stood still. Probably funny crap would happen. You know, like in the middle of warfare and it all froze. Or maybe someone about to die and well, he's holding his last breath when time stood still. Or even when you're about to get knocked down by a stupid speeding car and whoosh! It froze. What would you do if you had the ability to stop time?

I guess I'd prefer to turn back the time but ok, reasonable. Let's just answer the question I, myself, posed. I'd probably be able to do some last minute assignments. Last minute studying and cram it all into my head. Probably to clear my shit while time froze. You know, to avoid smell and well, you can just zig zag out of the door and run for more toilet papers if you ran out since well, time froze, everyone is rooted. Probably you could take someone's perfume bottle and spray yourself up.

Most of all, I'd probably freeze those special moments and enjoy it. But you'll be all alone when you do that. Probably the disadvantage you will have is that you'll be spending that moment alone. That is when everything will dawn on you. You're always alone in whatever you face. No matter how much your friends or family will understand your plight, you're always alone. Because in the end, you have to face your own past and fears. Your own history. You will have to face you. Face your reflection. Observe the mirror and you'll realise. Your own enemy is you. All you ever do is to debate as to go about doing it or no.

It's always about you. Nothing can change that. No one can drive you crazy. It's you who drive yourself crazy with someone's banters or presence.

Ah, fuck this. I'm getting a total headache out of ranting. I feel the need to puke. And shit. This is retarded. Night Claise.

so, here I am. Going bonkers. Sploink! Throat is on the way to better days. Definitely. So, Marina bought me some takoyaki. Not so nice, really but eh, food is food. Free is free. No complains.

Have you ever wonder what it feels like if you were to switch shoes with me, D? How would you feel to think about you? How to face you? How to talk to you without breaking down? Ever wonder? Idiot. I hate you so for making me feel so. Muddled thoughts. You confuse me everyday with your nonsense. Some days you push me away. Some days, you harass me to no end. On rare occasions do we talk like normal humans, a normal conversation. I wish all these can end.

What I really want goes beyond my own comprehension. I want you to leave Singapore. Go back to where you belong. Find someone and settle there. Don't come back. I don't need anymore hassle in my private life. Only then will I be at ease because I can't grasp you anymore. Only then will these feelings stop growing. Stop their nonsense. Such feelings give me outrageous thoughts that should never occur between us. That will never happen.

I opt to ignore. But can I make it through?

I hate fairytales because of such, I think that life always have their own happy endings. Well, look around. Does it seem that any one of us truly have our own end? A happy one at that? Who knows what people have gone through. Who knows what we or they suffer. How it feels like to see the world through their eyes. How it feels like to think about their situation and their life and what not. How different can it feel? I've once thought I'm unlucky that I don't get or have everything that I need. Then again, perhaps having everything leads to nothing eventually. Afterall, in death, you don't bring your worldly riches with you down deep.

Overall, I really should stop thinking about him. Stop it. I give up.

equals shopping.

Shopped for a carpet and some cushions for the sofas. That's about it. I didn't spend because I was broke. Totally. I'm awesome. Sheesh.

Boils down to me being the whiney kid. Always complaining about daily life. Is there ever a day where I don't whine at all? Probably not. That would just be the day where I don't exist anymore. So, fuck that. I'll just whine the way I whine, the way I like it.

Let me tell you, I'm tired of thinking about you. Stupid stupid stupid. In bold. Argh! I find myself texting you non-stop. Idiot. I should cut the habit. I need to go for a class on how to break bad habits. Maybe I should resort to just gaming.

Again, life is just a blur.

So, here I am, listening to WAX - Fixing My Make Up. I haven't a clue from where this song is from but I find it sad. It's about a girl who keeps using make up as a mask to hide her sadness and tears away, waiting and waiting for the one she loves to return. Typical, eh? But heh. For first I've heard such a song.

It's a pretty sad.

Part 1: Fixing My Makeup
Part 2: I Want To Love

2 parts to the whole video. I hope my readers will enjoy it as much as I did. It's not so sad but if you think about the whole general idea and loving only one person from a wee kid till you're old, it's a phenomenon.

Apart from that, fever subside slightly. Then... nothing much. Ok, I had a tipsy start today. At work. LOL. Call me drunk, I don't care. I'm drunk, shit you. Stupid headache won't egging go away. Despite that, I still went out to grab some crappy thing from Dhoby GAWD. Sheesh. Pathetic much, can't spell that place. I was walking like a total drunkard, swore like a total bastard and drink like a total loser. All in all, medication brought this predicament on me. Verdict, medication owns you whether you like it or not. Shit! Can't spell for c***'s sake!

So, work was boring. For Eff's sake, I missed school yet AGAIN! Dot. I overslept. Stupid drugs. Really, why did I dose myself on stupid pills... Freaking fever. It had better go away. Right now, sitting on a chair, supposedly stable. Nope. Here I am, my head swaying, playing optical illusions on me. Great! Having fun yet, my conscience? Stupid. Gosh, like my world reversed upside down. Fish.

Like, I had enough of thinking of that goon already. My blog entries, as of late, consist little of him. Stupid D. Good grief. Fever is fever. Stupid paracetamol SUCKS balls. My throat kept burning. So super dry. Super. Good going, Nature. Great job. Asshole. I got pwned.

So, I still like him. Miss him. I enjoy chatting with him and whacking him. I enjoy his whacking me and him talking and telling crappy shiz to me. Idiot. You don't tell others things like "Rice from North China is sweeter because it's harvest only once a year whereas South is 3 times a year, so not so sweet." Like total randomness. Do I have to bring in some stupid permutation and combination now? Sheesh. Ok. Screw me and screw you. I'm feeling tipsy again. Stupd drugs working like total alcohol. Egg. They should really ban drugs, y'lmoW?

Oh FFS. Y'know?*** Sheesh.

My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

A Shakespeare's quote from his play, Hamlet. Such a profound yet simple quote.

I've never given in to speaking with thoughts before when I'm communicating with someone. It's never crossed to me that my words can be so hollow when I converse yet never has anyone pointed out to me that my words are shallow. I don't know. I find myself thinking deeply but almost always I've failed to get my point across. The point is, I should start being frank. But I've always been, frank, I mean, aren't I? Such a simple dilemma. I should stop thinking and start acting like a true patriot, the one I am. What a laugh.

Right, defender, my feet. So, today, work was pretty hectic. I liked that. Fun fun. Time passes ever so quickly. I was shocked. I thought it would be Abu who would do counter with me. Without me knowing it, D volunteered to do counter. Madness. If stock arrives and he goes off doing his stock, am I to be left alone? Grr. So insensitive yet oddly comforting much. So, we both fought and fought and fought again. Everyone keeps shaking their heads. Well, I didn't start it! He started it and I MUST retort, right?! RIGHT! He started it. Annoyed. Greatly annoyed. He should really stop it. I enjoy pouring my attention on him but if he has no intentions what-so-ever, he should stop keeping my hopes held high. I have no inkling what-so-ever if he enjoys the attention so much. (Attention seeker, pfft!)

Apart from that, I keep getting mad when they, meaning my colleagues, keep teasing me. I'm really far from pissed. It's like saying they're trying to matchmake. David, why can't you do something like DENY everything? Quit smiling like a rooster and pretending to be the innocent party. I detest it. Then again, maybe I should ignore his reaction and I shouldn't do anything about it. It's a series of maybe(s) from there.

Well whatever. I shan't dwell on it. Fasting fasting fasting has been pretty tough. I go to work energetic, go home to sleep till break fast time. What a loser, Susu! Hypersomnia, I'm sure of it. No fast = insomnia. Fast = hypersomnia. What a weird me. Then again, I don't like the sound of a normal me. That's so boring.

Dragonica is GOD DAMNED SO MUCH FUN! I play and play and play for hours at night and don't get bored. Haha! Yes, it has been fun. Oh, I play under Thqice, not Iahgames. Meaning, Open Beta Test for North America, me thinks. All right. So, I best be off to bed to wake up 4 hours later. Laters gators Claise!