introduction
kismetpsalm@bs
It's your time to shine.
TiTle: Gray Supremacy
disclaimer
please read before proceeding
I don't know what to say. Muted.
mood: thinking...
Sunday, June 21, 2009/ 6/21/2009 10:17:00 pm
Time heals all wounds, but it's also the hardest medicine to take.
I beg to differ.
You don't get OVER the pain, you just learn to get ALONG with the pain, in time.
Like a person who just recovered from an accident, the person's pain doesn't truly go away. It remains intact. He just have to learn how to live with it, and continue on the mundane life and ignore the pain and get along with it, no matter how painful it is. Once the pain goes away, it never really goes away. Because scars will remain and remind you of the pain you suffered. So why take painkillers to avoid feeling the pain?
Just like the fool I was, I thought when I heard you fell for someone else, it's over for me. I thought I should start hating you but really, in hatred, I shall befriend you because truly, there's still some of those bits of pieces of me that still loves you. It doesn't really go away because they've entered your life, and without Alzheimer's, I don't think anyone can be forgotten easily, especially someone you've once adored.
Even when you've lost your memories, don't say that you don't know who you are. Because the one deeper in you is screaming, don't pretend! But somehow, Fate works out all funny. Either you forget permanently because that life isn't for you or Fate returns you everything and you'll realise, you're back to square one, with differences in life. You'll realise your family changed, your friends lost all hopes in you, the one whom you used to love has moved on. But really, if love is really that strong as they say, your family will be delighted to have you back, welcoming you with open arms and hugs. Your friends will whack you in the head and hug you, saying "Welcome back Loser!" and the one who truly love you welcome you back with tears, because god! How long have they endured missing you when you don't miss them because of the personality disorder for the long days. Will you fall for the one you love or fall for the one who cries for you, longing for you to be theirs and only they know that they can cherish you?
Will they promise that they won't hurt you? I won't buy those words anymore because really, in life, you'll get hurt, intentionally or accidentally. It's only how they come back to you, telling you that it should not matter because only you are in their mind. Their promises of going through the thick and thin, happiness and sadness, is the one that gives true love.
Will they promise to be with you forever? I cannot buy it, because simply, nothing is forever. Prove it to me, that even after death, you'll still be with me, then perhaps, it may come into consideration.
Will they claim that they won't cheat on you? Why say so if you're supposedly to be confident in your love with him/her? If you truly are in love with someone, that statement should not even be spoken outloud, or as a vow. Because you know, you cannot cheat him/her otherwise, it means cheating yourself when you know you only need them in your life.
All I know is...
I'm selfish because all I can think is for my own happiness. I only care about not getting hurt for my part. Little did I remember that if I really like you, I should care for your happiness. Because really, your smile is worth it. It will hurt if I see you with her.
I'm so obssessed with myself, I've forgotten about everyone who looks at me. Will they find me revolting? Will they hate me in silence? Is that all a facade? It totally slipped my mind that I cared not about how I behaved. It was all about you... and how I can grab your attention when in reality, you're already thinking of someone else. I cannot do this anymore. I have to control myself.
I cannot hold on to you. I saw your wings when she appeared. I'd hate to break that pair of wings. I used to have my own pair, till I had to throw mine away. I would love to see that pair of wings, soaring in the sky where it belonged, perhaps with another pair, meant to be.
O god! It hurts when I wrote this but really, I needed to clear my mind. I will get over it, but until then, I'll still care for you. No, no more love. I do love you but no more. I can only care for you, as my superior. Not a friend. Not a colleague. But a manager. That is all. I have to recover all the proper respects towards my own superiors. If we're to be friends, it just means that there is still a tiny hope flickering in and out of existence, giving me too many little wishes that we can be one. No, no more Susu.
I want this to be over and done with but also, I love this feeling of liking you. It gives me this funny prickly feeling. :)! That maybe... just maybe... I do like you a little too much. XD! Whatever. Keep daydreaming, HAH!
No matter what, with all the pain, she knows that... and... and she's in love.
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quotes because i feel like it...
Ok this post will have loads of quotes Claise...
Please note, these quotes aren't of my creations. They're taken from different sites. XD!
Sweet is true love that is given in vain, and sweet is death that takes away pain.
Your heart says stay and battle the pain, but your mind says leave for all this isnt needed, broken into pieces for that one an only. But follow your heart because the heart can only take so much.
Manjakan dia dengan duit, jangan. Manjakan dia dengan kasih sayang, itu yang dicari.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.
Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.
I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.
I should have been more careful. I was blinded by your halo, so I never noticed the horns.
It's a long road when you face the world alone, when no one reaches out a hand for you to hold. You can find love if you search within your soul, and the emptiness you felt will disappear.
I was finally getting over you and actually believing I didn't need you. I was finally accepting you had another girl. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all.
How can I forget you when your always on my mind? How can I not want you when your all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?
I thought that by telling myself and everyone else that I hated you. That sooner or later I would come to believe it. But I now realize that by lying, it makes me want you even more.
Parting of loving someone is learning to let go.
A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty.
Loving you was easy, losing you was hard. Loving you is still easy, but knowing you are no longer mine, is the hardest of it all.
You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?
I thought I would die if I couldn't have you. Now that I know I can't have you, death seems inferior.
If you're not the one for me, and I still think you're perfect, think of how amazing it will be to find the one who is.
Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them.
Days continue to pass, stars continue to shine. Why do I have tears in my eyes today when he was NEVER mine?
Should I hate you because you hurt me? Or should I love you because you made me feel special?
The most painful thing is to be sitting right next to the person you love most, but never being able to let them know.
When I go away please listen, for the wind will bring you my words of goodbye.
The one who makes me the happiest, is always the one who is already taken.
How can I promise you forever when tomorrow is so far away from me? How can I dry your tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? How can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?
Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.
It's like my mind knows what's right but my heart is being retarded and still cares.
Because I never really had you at all, I didn't think it would hurt this much to lose you.
The worst thing a guy can do is let a girl fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall.
How can I love again when I can't stop loving the one that hurt me so much?
The one who breaks your heart is a devil of his love, but the victim is the angel and the light that shines above.
Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you.
My heart only fought for what it wanted. Now my heart is having to fight to let him go.
I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground.
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.
Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine...
I believe the saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you look into their eyes and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name.
You told me I am a child, I know I am not. I know that one day you will miss this child who loved you a lot.
You will know that you love someone when you want him/her to be happy. Even if that means you're not a part of their happiness.
I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But it's so hard to let you go now with all that could have been. I'll always have the memories. She'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing just when you don't want it to. Throw away the chains, let love fly away. Till love comes again, I'll be okay.
You'll never understand why I hurt so much because you're not the one who is crying, you're not the one who is left behind, you're not the one who loved too much, and you're not the one who is holding on to someone who is gone...
Please note, these quotes aren't of my creations. They're taken from different sites. XD!
Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go.
They say no matter how dark the night is, the sun always rises again ... I say lost love makes one realize that no matter how bright the day is, the sun will always set again.
One day you'll love me, the way I loved you. One day you'll think of me the way I thought of you. One day you'll cry for me, the way I cried for you. One day you'll want me, but I won't want you.
I cry because I know he doesn't feel the way I do. I cry because I think of how pathetic I am, and I cry because I think I'll be crying forever.
We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else. We have to admit that love doesn't give us the license to own a person. This is what love means...sacrifice.
Even if my heart should call out your name in the rain, even if these arms should want to embrace you again, and even if I’m all cried out and no longer in pain... I’ll never fall in love that way again.
Sweet is true love that is given in vain, and sweet is death that takes away pain.
Your heart says stay and battle the pain, but your mind says leave for all this isnt needed, broken into pieces for that one an only. But follow your heart because the heart can only take so much.
Manjakan dia dengan duit, jangan. Manjakan dia dengan kasih sayang, itu yang dicari.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.
Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.
I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
A break up is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it.
I should have been more careful. I was blinded by your halo, so I never noticed the horns.
It's a long road when you face the world alone, when no one reaches out a hand for you to hold. You can find love if you search within your soul, and the emptiness you felt will disappear.
I was finally getting over you and actually believing I didn't need you. I was finally accepting you had another girl. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all.
How can I forget you when your always on my mind? How can I not want you when your all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?
I thought that by telling myself and everyone else that I hated you. That sooner or later I would come to believe it. But I now realize that by lying, it makes me want you even more.
Parting of loving someone is learning to let go.
A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty.
Loving you was easy, losing you was hard. Loving you is still easy, but knowing you are no longer mine, is the hardest of it all.
You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?
I thought I would die if I couldn't have you. Now that I know I can't have you, death seems inferior.
If you're not the one for me, and I still think you're perfect, think of how amazing it will be to find the one who is.
Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them.
Days continue to pass, stars continue to shine. Why do I have tears in my eyes today when he was NEVER mine?
Should I hate you because you hurt me? Or should I love you because you made me feel special?
The most painful thing is to be sitting right next to the person you love most, but never being able to let them know.
When I go away please listen, for the wind will bring you my words of goodbye.
The one who makes me the happiest, is always the one who is already taken.
How can I promise you forever when tomorrow is so far away from me? How can I dry your tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? How can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?
Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.
It's like my mind knows what's right but my heart is being retarded and still cares.
Because I never really had you at all, I didn't think it would hurt this much to lose you.
The worst thing a guy can do is let a girl fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall.
How can I love again when I can't stop loving the one that hurt me so much?
The one who breaks your heart is a devil of his love, but the victim is the angel and the light that shines above.
Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you.
My heart only fought for what it wanted. Now my heart is having to fight to let him go.
I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave without a sound, except that of my heart shattering as it hits the ground.
Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.
Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine...
I believe the saddest thing in life, is caring so much for someone and then one day you look into their eyes and listen to them talk and realize that they are gone. All you see in front of you is a stranger with just a known name.
You told me I am a child, I know I am not. I know that one day you will miss this child who loved you a lot.
You will know that you love someone when you want him/her to be happy. Even if that means you're not a part of their happiness.
I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But it's so hard to let you go now with all that could have been. I'll always have the memories. She'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing just when you don't want it to. Throw away the chains, let love fly away. Till love comes again, I'll be okay.
You'll never understand why I hurt so much because you're not the one who is crying, you're not the one who is left behind, you're not the one who loved too much, and you're not the one who is holding on to someone who is gone...
Labels: Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine...
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good gods!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009/ 6/17/2009 06:06:00 pm
I'm annoyed by him. Him and his ignorance! I've ranted out what I needed to my buddy. That's all! Not gonna rant here. I feel like shooting someone's head off. Fack you!
Whatever, dude.
Labels: You know what? Fuck off.
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sigh!
Monday, June 15, 2009/ 6/15/2009 11:39:00 pm
Why am I missing him so much?!
I want to do everything with him.
I want to know everything about him.
What he likes.
What makes him laugh.
All secrets shared between.
Sigh! He's really my personal brand of drugs. :(!~
I hate you but I love you.
I want to do everything with him.
I want to know everything about him.
What he likes.
What makes him laugh.
All secrets shared between.
Sigh! He's really my personal brand of drugs. :(!~
I hate you but I love you.
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009/ 6/10/2009 12:10:00 am
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I don't know. I'm paranoid. I think he likes someone else. I'm just... me. I don't feel anything at all. Because I'm denying it or really, I'm over it? Don't know why. Confused settings, finalised. In progress. Finished. Please restart to reconfigure your heart.
I'm feeling very confused. A lil' tad too confused that I get very annoyed by it. Sigh!
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so sick of everything...
Monday, June 08, 2009/ 6/08/2009 11:37:00 pm
I don't think I'm in love anymore. Oh how fast the heart changes its mind. I just fell under another spell once again. Just like the few guys I've met in the past. Never have I failed to like someone. I feel as though this is another repeat. Please. Please. Let my heart and love be free. Please return to me so I can brace myself once again.
But I do know something. Without realising it... I am in love with him. Once. Again. Before. Yesterday. Tomorrow. Now. Until my heart says no or is unreciprocated.
But I do know something. Without realising it... I am in love with him. Once. Again. Before. Yesterday. Tomorrow. Now. Until my heart says no or is unreciprocated.
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Go figure....
Sunday, June 07, 2009/ 6/07/2009 10:16:00 pm
I'm so tired. Bored.
Stupid group decided to bust on me. I don't know what exactly happened. But I just wasted one whole say. Good gods, I want to cry! ;.;!
Anyway...
I asked Abang for schedule. He asked me to call the outlet. I called, heart thumped regularly. God! When he picked the phone up, it just raced. Heavens! I hoped he didn't hear my heart thumping so bad! I wanted to ask for schedule. I didn't want to waste more time than necessary on the phone. I couldn't help but smirk. We joked a little. I attempted a mini conversation. A simple "How are you?". He was fine. I ended the call there. I was like "Okok, byeee byeee~". Good gods! I thought I had it in me to end the call smoothly like say... "Ok sir! I gotta run now, chicken's burning!" Or something along that line. I guess I was tongue-tied. Annoying, really.
I thought that by not seeing him, I would stop thinking about him. Stop the feelings. I was right. And wrong. The moment I heard the voice, I felt like I've went back to square one. I couldn't help but to grin. Like a maniac. A fool. Or goofy. I guess I was right. There's no stopping this. Until I set the line. Or rather, unreciprocated love. I keep wishing for that but really. Do I really want it to happen? Or is it just my wishful thinking? Just so I can be hurt all over again.
I don't want to look forward to tomorrow. Because I'm a coward.
But I do want to work tomorrow. Just to see... to see if I really am a girl, now.
No more tomboyish Susu.
To be honest Claise. I've been shopping. A lot. I know. :)! Did I change? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe not much. Maybe a lot. All I know. I still am the same. I'm just.... more vain, I suppose. A girl's first impression is impresion number 1? Or so they say... Also I know. I can't stand seeing him just simply chatting with another girl. I get frustrated by that. Jealous. I think, is the preferable word in this case.
Stupid group decided to bust on me. I don't know what exactly happened. But I just wasted one whole say. Good gods, I want to cry! ;.;!
Anyway...
I asked Abang for schedule. He asked me to call the outlet. I called, heart thumped regularly. God! When he picked the phone up, it just raced. Heavens! I hoped he didn't hear my heart thumping so bad! I wanted to ask for schedule. I didn't want to waste more time than necessary on the phone. I couldn't help but smirk. We joked a little. I attempted a mini conversation. A simple "How are you?". He was fine. I ended the call there. I was like "Okok, byeee byeee~". Good gods! I thought I had it in me to end the call smoothly like say... "Ok sir! I gotta run now, chicken's burning!" Or something along that line. I guess I was tongue-tied. Annoying, really.
I thought that by not seeing him, I would stop thinking about him. Stop the feelings. I was right. And wrong. The moment I heard the voice, I felt like I've went back to square one. I couldn't help but to grin. Like a maniac. A fool. Or goofy. I guess I was right. There's no stopping this. Until I set the line. Or rather, unreciprocated love. I keep wishing for that but really. Do I really want it to happen? Or is it just my wishful thinking? Just so I can be hurt all over again.
I don't want to look forward to tomorrow. Because I'm a coward.
But I do want to work tomorrow. Just to see... to see if I really am a girl, now.
No more tomboyish Susu.
To be honest Claise. I've been shopping. A lot. I know. :)! Did I change? Maybe yes. Maybe no. Maybe not much. Maybe a lot. All I know. I still am the same. I'm just.... more vain, I suppose. A girl's first impression is impresion number 1? Or so they say... Also I know. I can't stand seeing him just simply chatting with another girl. I get frustrated by that. Jealous. I think, is the preferable word in this case.
I'm a girl. I'm in love. I love him. Is that so wrong? Him and me?
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