DANG IT! HIHI CLAISAVARD! Been a while since I blogged ya. A few days already! WAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, just been doing lots of thinking... (OH! My mp3's fully recharged!)... OK! That was out of topic. NYAHAHAHAHHA! Gonna change some songs later, since we're on topic. NEED NEW SONGS! EGAD. OK. I have one mini dilemma. Gio, please hear me out buddy! X(!

I know you'll go "SillySusu, it's just a game. Why worry? You still have me afterall. *winks*" THAT'S EPIC FAIL GIO! XD! But I still love you the best! AND QUIT FLIRTING LIKE THAT! ROFL!

OK. Let's see...

Okok. I won't stall no more...

I am STILL stalling, aren't I?...

Yeap...

Susu's Conscience: WILL YOU STOP STALLING FOR *censored* SAKE??

Susu: T_T NYAAA!!! ISH SCARY!!!

Susu's C: If you DON'T STOP stalling, I'll make sure you'll pay for it with your SOUL! *takes the rifles out and gives a devil's face*

Susu: NYAAA!! T_T! OKIII!!!!

Ok, I have this mini dilemma ingame. FlyFF. About uhh that dude. (Susu's C: Like F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.) Well you see... I like him. Claise!!! T_T! This is embarassing!! *Susu's C gives a glare and prepares her fist* OKII!!! T_T!! Then well. I put the status offline, like you know it Claise. UGH! WHY MUST HE BE MY PIXELISED HEARTTHROB? DANG! Then well, I put online and suddenly someone went "omg! HEY!". I was like O_O! Chatted with her lha. Like usual. Then found out that she was HIS ex. I was like O_O! *confused state* You know how I dislike it if I have to talk about my heart status. ROFL! I lied to her. I'm just his best friend. HUH. XD! Gio, don't scold me! You're my bestest bestie! ^^! No one can beat you. =D! Right... Back to topic... Then uhh well... She said she can't go Malaysia at the moment but hey! IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!!!! She is willing to go as far as to FLY OVER TO MALAYSIA and MEET HIM AND UHHH!!! YOU KNOW THE STUPID LOVE BASICS! GEEZ ._.!

The thing is... I asked him and he said no but the girl wants him. I mean she likes him. So, should I be the evil one and stay like I am or be the stupid noble heroine and act hero? YEAP! I LIKEY-LIKEY SPOTLIGHT! Of course! I shall give ME up for them. The thing is... Will I hurt myself in doing so? Aren't I denying myself? Aren't I lying to myself? I mean, lying itself is a sin but doing something for someone else... I don't think I'm wrong, right? RIGHT! (Susu's C: WRONG! *at the same time*) ZOMG STUPID CONSCIENCE!! GRRR!! ._.! I don't know. I'm pretty good at masking my pain away. My facade works heavenly. Nyahahaha! Ok, my mum passed away yet I take it strongly. But these kinda things... I'm sooo pathetic. I can come up with one reason.

Death is a fact and no one can do anything about it. But heart matters, it's because I give in so easily, not wanting to fight for my own rights, that's why I'm hurt right? Yeah, I guess so.

I mean! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME! SHIZ! Where's that stupid clumsy carefree Susu I used to know??? Where is she! GAH! In finding ways to toughen myself up, to barricade myself from the world, I lost myself. My very ownself. Why I barricade myself? So that I won't feel sad easily. Or be happy easily like one fool. Or fall in love easily. I thought I had it all up. I was sure of it. Now I'm not too sure. So missing...

Hmm, but whatever. The problem is, I'm gonna do like how I know. I'm gonna force him and his ex together again. Don't say no to me, Claise. Won't work. Hurting myself is one way to barricade myself. Toughen myself. To lose myself. Please pray it will work. I hope it works.

Labels: i just hope that he hates my plan and will stick with me throughout...