12:12am.

Ominous ring to it, no?

Hehe.

It gave me sometime to think...

Have I REALLY change? I don't know what everyone say, but perhaps I'll be true to myself. I've changed. Don't start "you-know-what-you're-right" talk with me. The world changes. Can't a human change? Haha, if I change, so what? Big deal. Why not look at yourself first? You've changed also. I mean it. Everyone change. If I change, I'm part of the world. I don't care if I change for the better or the worst. The truth is, I've changed. Beat it. I'll say this once. If you people out there think I'm the same ol' Susu, I'm sorry to say. I'm not. I've changed for the worst. Beat it. Scram. I don't give a second opinion as to what you think of me. If someone who loves me can get it, I'm GOING to assume that EVERYONE can understand and love me the way I am. You don't see a past me. I'm telling you, readers, if your love for someone change because of silly reasons the other party did, then sad to say, you still have to reflect upon yourself. I have to reflect upon myself. I admit it. I will reflect. I won't fall for some "one-sided" crap.

If you wanna talk to me about friendship or love, I'd say, we start with nothing and end with nothing. Wanna talk things out? That'll be my advise. Nothing is permanent, sadly, not even love. First, you marry and got a husband. In the end, either you'll die first or your spouse die. In the end, you're left with nothing. If you were bornt with a family, when you die, you're alone. No one to accompany you in your afterlife. So sad. But who gives a damn. What I do, what I like, what I want to believe, whom I love, you have no right to change it. One-sided? So? It hurts to do it, is that so? Shows are shows and dramas are dramas and anime is anime. Lessons are there, yes. But I think it doesn't hurt to experience it, my good reader. I think you'll know I'm referring to you.

Let's put in some bloody quotes.

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.

How could an Angel break my heart? Why didn’'t he catch my falling star? I wish I didn’'t wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

You know what? You're right. Letting go is good. Too good for the likes of me. Which is why I don't let go. Then again, you'll say, letting go is good. I'll admit. It's WAAAY too good. I agree so much that it takes so much time. So give it some time. I'm full of hatred hence my dreams.

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
Washington Irving

Sir Washington is so right. Give us the time. Let it purify. You think I'm evil because I asked for it? I'm sorry, my love hasn't come back to me 100%. Some of them are still lost out there. It'll be a VERY long while before it ACTUALLY returns.

The hottest love has the coldest end.
Socrates

Socrates have it right. Our love was hot and it has such a tragic end that not even you feel like wanting to believe it. But then again, the ends are always a surprise. It doesn't carry a "Boo!-End-is-Coming!" sign, you know. But sometimes, we know it because we initiate it. We just let the other party feel the blow of it.

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
Margaret Mitchell

Margaret is too right. Purification is good but sometimes, leaving it as it is is good. Believe it or not, I saw the pieces of the broken heart on my desk, literally. I left it as it is. I'm lazy to fix it, knowing that many others would trample it. Sometimes, those broken pieces can hurt other people even worse. One way of thinking, that is.

To fear love is to fear life,
and those who fear life are already three parts dead.

~Bertrand Russell, Earl Russell

The Russell siblings have it right! I fear to love, and for that, I'm already 3 parts dead. Aren't you delighted, my good man? Don't tell me "please-do-not-be-like-this" because if you know me at all, I won't listen to it. But then again, you don't know me, reason why you asked me to move on. Then again, perhaps you don't know the meaning of insecurity. Try looking up the dictionary. Or better still, shall I find the meaning for you? Who the hell disturbs another person while they're playing games/watching shows? Try using common sense. Sometimes, manners are a good reason for the end of love. We do not know how to appreciate it. Or rather, I do not know how to appreciate it. As if all this talk softens your heart. I'm telling you this because you won't be surrounded by just your world. Please consider. You told me you're not trying to be cold, but you're already being cold. Contradiction? Try avoiding it.

You have to consider other people's feeling as well. Perhaps you should try putting yourself into someone else's shoes and totally, I repeat, TOTALLY INDULGE yourself into their life, thinking and feelings. Not enough, try talking to other people, not just your friends unless your friends are VERY straightforward. Try asking your parents, perhaps they've learned more than what you think you learn from shows and dramas and anime. One-sided love DOES grow someone. It gives them the purpose to polish themselves and outshine others. Please do not think that one-sided love is painful or "just a total waste of time". I advise you, please open your thinking. The world is a wide open place, where everything is vulnerable one way or another. Don't be satisfied with what you have/think. My final advice, be more sensitive. I'll be straightforward with you.

Had you been with me more, you'd have realized we'll be inseparable. Don't be content with your choice of words/thinking.

Okay, Claisavard. I've blabbed enough. I'm sick and tired of this stupid talk and topic. Let me, the great vulnerable Susu, get it over with it and out. It'll take a long time Claisavard and don't you dare forget, Claisavard, I'm afraid to fall in love again. So, the time taken will be VERY VERY LONG. Anyway, I'm beat.

12:52am.

My timing perfect, good night.