Twisted_Sanity

-cough-

2011-11-26T00:50:00.001+08:00

Laptop's getting hot. No using for tonight. :(! I wanna use my desktop, ARGH. Should I grab contact lens? But.. so troublesome. @_@!

Raina and Jung Ah from After School are soo pretty!~

crushed

2011-11-14T01:28:00.003+08:00

Claise, I'm crushed, so crushed.

My tears are flowing down non-stop. I wish the rain is here to accompany me on this sad and lonely night. I had to say a couple of words to someone whom I cared for dearly. I'm more than just physically attracted to him. I'm emotionally attached. I have to halt these feelings. For the better. For him and me. I'll love him from afar just plain because.

We are so different.
We can never be on the same scale.
We do not have that level of communication.

The way he treats me. It's too good. I can't have him treating me like that forever. I have to stop it myself. I don't want to hurt him and I can't afford to have myself hurt after we both realized we went too far and we're not meant to be. I wanna just smile and just pray for his happiness. If he's happy, I'll be damn happy. He cannot afford to send me mixed signals. I fear for myself should he persist. I fear I will fall for him all over again and he will feel awkward around me. I'd rather chase him away. I'll build more spikes around me. I'll defend myself. Never to fall for words.

His remorse is incredible. Extremely incredible. I just pretend to be all ignorant. He has to wake up. There're millions of people who are as just remorseful as him. I won't deny that what I felt was a tang of jealousy. I wanna just quietly slip away. By the time he wakes up, I want to be unknown, forgotten, no longer existing.

I wonder sometimes why am I such an evil bitch. (Sorry, Claise!) I don't like it when everytime, I gotta back some people up. I gotta understand their pain. Am I so kind? HELLO! I'm a HUMAN BEING, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Do I look like I must understand all y'all pain?? Damn it. Why don't you understand that I have my fair share of problems as well? Wtf. I should just point-blank shoot myself.

When he mentioned about my mum, it just took that moment to recall what I think was the saddest point of my life.

She was in the hospital, lying down alone. She was surrounded by so many relatives, all chit chatting happily with her. Suddenly, something happened. I couldn't recall what was it. I guess I purposely shut that part of my memory away. She was suddenly on oxygen mask and I was breaking down apart. My cousin brother had to tear me apart from my mum. He said that my mum cannot risk seeing me sad and crying for her. I left the room unwillingly, half-dragged and I broke down. Terribly. Outside, at that point of time, all I know that she's going to leave me soon. Only a glass panel separated me and her. My cousin was telling me to be strong and all. He reminded me that my mum cannot bear to see me sad or she'll be sad as well. I understood all that but I don't understand why she was taken away from me after being strong for her. I guess, it meant for the better. It made me understand dad a whole lot better. I went back into the room after I calmed myself down. I promised my cousin I wouldn't break down before her. She held my hand weakly and said this to me.

I promise I'll get better for you. Only for you, I'll get better. Don't cry, k?

It was a pack of lies but I forced myself to believe that bit of happiness. I lied to her and to myself. I denied the truth, that she'll be better. But that promise was broken. Two or three weeks later, she left me for good. I feel like I've disappointed her in so many way. I must've felt like a burden to her. A burden she doesn't want to carry no more. I went autistic for a few days. I must have been such a bad and naughty child, hahaha!!

One thing I've learnt from this...

You start out together, you end up alone. It makes no difference. In the end, you'll always be alone. I should not fear this loneliness. I should embrace it as part of life.

My eyes are red now, Claise. I think it's time slumber took me. I'll blog again, soon.

Mama, I miss you but I'm really glad you're not sufferring anymore. I hope you have a better afterlife and Allah reward you for taking this orphan in. I don't think I'll be able to see you in Paradise but know this. I'll always pray for you.

Love you mama.

Optical Illusions.

2011-11-03T02:04:00.004+08:00

Gotta love those junkies!

Another one freaking awesome optical illusion.

When viewed at the correct exact angle will you then arrive to this magnificent view. Optical illusions. Mad awesome.

Here is where I see all these fascinating stuffs. I hope my readers can enjoy 'em and YOU, Claisavard, can promote this site. ;D

Post-nocturnal

2011-10-27T16:56:00.001+08:00

You know how nocturns behave, Claise? Yeah. Stay awake at night because of insomnia. It's getting to me. I can't sleep early but once I sleep, I sleep like a log. I know. Piiiiigg. Hahaha! So awesome that way. ;D!

I feel like banging my head. Once. Twice. Thrice. I must be crazy. I think I am anyway. Psychologically demented.

**************************

"I wanna divorce you. I don't think we can live together anymore," I concluded.

"Why not? Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No, you didn't," I sighed.

"If I did nothing, then why?" he inquired again.

"That's exactly it! You're doing nothing! I don't even get any flowers on our special occasions! In fact, all you did is just asked how was my day and spent our day together. I want something more! Like our neighbour! She gets flowers from her beloved every week as signs of affection! But you? None!" I cried.

"I see. I'm sorry. This is some pretty big issue. I'll need some time to think through. Get some rest, k? We'll continue tomorrow," he whispered.

He carressed my cheeks and left me alone to my tears. In his office, I heard typings. That's just how it is. He let me rest first before he joins me during sleep time. I cried myself to sleep.

----

I woke up, to the dullness of the weather. It was drizzling lightly. The dreary weather reminded me of last night. I turned to see my bed clock by the side table and saw an envelope. I got curious and read it.

"To my only one..."

I tore it open and read.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't aware of this. I'm sorry I couldn't give you any flowers or even craft any flowers for you because my hands are being used. By you. Whenever you get frustrated on the computer or your laptop, you'd always whine about how crappy technology is and I'd fix it in silence. I'm sorry I didn't walk to the florist or to garden to pick a beautiful rose for you because I need my legs for you. Whenever you feel tired or your old fracture starts acting up again, I want to use my legs to walk you home myself. I'm sorry I don't have any eye for beautiful sunflower or roses because I want to be your eyes. You'd always grumble because you left your spectacles back at home and can't see the bus coming. I want to remain as your eyes and keep a look out for you. I'm sorry if I still didn't give you any bouquet and if this still upsets you, I'll understand.

But I still love you and intend to remain next to the disabled you for life. I'll be waiting under the tree outside our home with your favourite muffin should you choose to let me help you all the way till death do us part.

Your husband."

Before I even knew it, the letter was wet with my tears. I could hear the drizzle gettig heavier and heavier and my other half is outside, out there waiting for me!

I rushed out and found him true to his word. He was shivering and holding my favourite muffin, looking nervous. When he saw me, he broke into a big smile. I ran to him under the rain and hugged him. He simply let me hug him while he held the umbrella.

"I'm sorry I've been selfish. I always think for myself and never for you. Let's go in, k? To our home," I held my hand out. He gave me the muffin and he held me close instead an walked together into our paradise.

**************************

How?! Retarded story right? Haha!! :p

Troubled.

2011-10-23T01:47:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna think about it. Just plain depressed. Shall blog soon, k Claisavard? :D

Not for english readers, hahah.

2011-10-17T01:54:00.000+08:00

CUKUPLAH AKU MENCINTAI DALAM DIAM ♥

Kalau kita sukakan seseorang,
jangan beritahu si dia.
Nanti Allah kurangkan rasa cinta padanya
Tapi luahkan pada Allah,
beritahulah Allah.
Allah Maha mengetahui siapa jodoh kita ..

Cintai Dia Dalam Diam,
Dari Kejauhan Dengan Kesederhanaan & Keikhlasan

Jika benar cinta itu kerana ALLAH maka biarkanlah ia mengalir mengikut aliran ALLAH kerana hakikatnya ia berhulu dari ALLAH maka ia pun berhilir hanya kepada ALLAH
"Dan segala sesuatu Kami ciptakan berpasang-pasangan supaya kamu mengingat kebesaran ALLAH."
(Adz Dzariyat : 49)

Tetapi jika kelemahan masih nyata dipelupuk mata maka bersabarlah, berdoalah & berpuasalah
"Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina; sesungguhnya zina itu adalah satu perbuatan yang keji.
Dan suatu jalan yang buruk."
(Al Israa' : 32 )

Ketika kau mendambakan sebuah cinta sejati yang tak kunjung datang,
Allah SWT mempunyai Cinta dan Kasih yang lebih besar dari segalanya & Dia telah menciptakan sseorang yang akan menjadi pasangan hidupmu kelak.
Ketika kau merasa bahawa kau mencintai seseorang,
namun kau tahu cintamu tak terbalas
Allah SWT tahu apa yang ada di depanmu & Dia sedang mempersiapkan segala yang terbaik untukmu

Cukup cintai dalam diam
bukan kerana membenci hadirnya
tetapi menjaga kesuciannya
bukan kerana menghindari dunia
tetapi meraih syurga-NYA
bukan kerana lemah untuk menghadapinya
tetapi menguatkan jiwa dari godaan syaitan yang begitu halus & menyelusup

Cukup cintai dari kejauhan
kerana hadirmu tiada kan mampu menjauhkan dari ujian
kerana hadirmu hanya akan menggoyahkan iman dan ketenangan
kerana mungkin membawa kelalaian hati-hati yang terjaga

Cukup cintai dengan kesederhanaan
Memupuknya hanya akan menambah penderitaan
menumbuhkan harapan hanya akan membumbui kebahagiaan para syaitan

Cintailah dengan keikhlasan
Kerana tentu kisah Fatimah dan Ali Bin Abi Talib diingini oleh hati
tetapi sanggupkah jika semua berakhir seperti sejarah cinta Salman Al Farisi..??
".. boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu.
ALLAH mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
(Al Baqarah : 216 )

Jangan memberi harapan pada yang belum pasti,
kelak ada insan yang bakal dilukai,
Jangan menaruh harapan pada yang belum tentu dimiliki,
nanti hati yang kecewa sendiri.
Sebaliknya,
gantunglah segenap pengharapanmu kepada Yang Maha Memberi,
nescaya dirimu tak sesekali dizalimi,
kerana Dia mendengar pengharapanmu setiap kali & Dia menunaikannya dgn cara-Nya yang tersendiri

Cukup cintai dalam diam dari kejauhan dengan kesederhaan & keikhlasan
Kerana tiada yang tahu rencana Tuhan
mungkin saja rasa ini ujian yang akan melapuk atau membeku dengan perlahan

Kerana hati ini begitu mudah untuk dibolak-balikkan
serahkan rasa itu pada Yang Memberi dan Memilikinya
biarkan DIA yang mengatur semuanya hingga keindahan itu datang pada waktunya
"Barangsiapa yang menjaga kehormatan orang lain, pasti kehormatan dirinya akan terjaga."
(Umar Bin Khattab ra)

If you really love her, you won’t touch her.
Not even the slightest bit.
You’ll protect her dignity and sacredness as a muslimah.
Just hold her in your heart for a few more years ..
then you can do it the halal way

“Sesiapa sahaja yang memberi kerana Allah, menolak kerana Allah, mencintai kerana Allah,membenci kerana Allah & menikah kerana Allah, maka bererti ia telah sempurna imannya.”
(HR. Al-Hakim)

HZ COPYPASTE FROM ALLAHSEEKER.BLOGSPOT.COM

ah hell...

2011-10-15T01:13:00.002+08:00

You know what's fuckin' scary Claise? It's the thought of losing my dad. Oh come on! Seriously!! Dad's been sick. He's been forgetting quite loads of shit. Tell me that ain't something, yo!! I just came back home. I wanted to go in but he leashed the door. He looked out of the door and I FUCKING SWEAR!!!

HE. DOESN'T. FUCKING. REMEMBER. ME.

I'm scared. Dead scared. Afraid. Petrified.

Scared that I'll lose someone I know as...
family

I don't wanna go through the same shit when I was 17 and when I'm still not prepared to face the world on my own two feet. Deathly afraid.

my eyes are red

2011-10-06T02:39:00.003+08:00

Like f***ing red. Argh! Sore eyes, please go away! If not, at work, shall I sway!

I need to egging blog! About my shitty work.

We're lending our staffs to other outlets. A couple of outlets are opening soon. Now is vacation. WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN ONCE WE, THE POLYTECHNIC STUDENTS, ARE GONNA RESUME THEIR STUDIES? ALL THE TRAINEES ARE NOT GONNA STAY AT CLEMENTI, Y'KNOW? Ok. Done, voiced out my annoying opinion. No, but honestly, for fuck's sake, you can't expect us to keep taking your shift. The moment you join, you're supposed to be committed already. The schedule that's fucking planned AND given by and to you, please stick to it lha! You know the risks of working with having kids to take care of. I'm not saying you should neglect them but I'm not saying you should be paying attention either. Consider yourself lucky that I'm still nice enough to take over. Consider yourself VERY lucky that's still the vacation. But oh, what the fuck. I'm going back to my old company to help out a tad bit. Know what that means? 2 fucking jobs. Please, refrain yourself from asking me already. Sick and tired of the shitty excuses of husband and kid. If your husband can't manage, are we suppose to manage it somehow? If your kids are giving problems, are we the fucking solution?

Go to hell.

I should have declined.

Raindrops.

2011-10-01T02:00:00.006+08:00

Pitter patter, pitter patter.

The rain drips from the rooftop, down my window and finally off to the ground, finally fed to earth. All I could think is my little brother. His cries. His laughter. His never-ending silly question. All I could think is how someone so angelic such as him was taken away from me, forever. I always came back, expecting a laughter from him. Always hearing him saying, "Sis! You're so slow, I already ate your porridge!". Always trying to steal my lunch. Now, I have no one to fight with. No one to quarrel over our portions of food.

"Sis, I'm so sorry. I promise I'll be good and wait for you. I'll wait at the Gates of Paradise. We'll go in together. Always waiting for you. I miss you. I love you. I'll always look out for you."

I'm feeling all sentimental again. Fucking piece of shit. I never cease to amaze myself with the loadful of swears and curses but it never seems to cease. I'm awesome that way, flu pays me a visit. Actually paid to visit me. I know. I'm lame.

On the other note, I can't update my idiotic phone at all because I'm using my laptop, not my computer. Because computer is gay, it's beyond help.

Gone with the wind.

2011-09-30T01:33:00.004+08:00

From some famous movie. Heh.

HIHI CLAISAVARD! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. So sorry if I haven't been in touch with you.

Ok. I realised I haven't been blogging because I'm so awesome that way, I'd crack a nut with my thumb and my index finger, but I'm not, so moving on..

Just realised I haven't much to say. But I will say this.

"It hurts to look at yourself in the mirror and hate yourself, look into the mirror and wonder what ever happened to that smile that used to shine so bright. When you look at yourself, you see this version of "you" that your mind has created, someone that has become so distant and cold that nobody wants to be around her. Empty eyes. Fragile bones. The only thing you have left are the lies you tell yourself everyday to survive, lies that have become your painful reality, lies that will swallow you whole and crush your insides, lies that have turned you into someone you never wanted to be..."

This is an awesome site about being yourself quotes. HEHE enjoy.

you know you blog for money when you...

2010-10-04T00:43:00.008+08:00

believe that writing more thoughts and events and craps brings in the cash!

start seeing that on your keyboard, even on the numpad!

....agree with whatever is in the picture. For more details, please view picture.

I have nothing against people who earn money through blogging because how I wish I could sit back, relax and expand my vocabulary through writing alone. Instead, I'm sufferring at some fast food restaurant. I should do something about this...

Anyway, something epic...

Facebook: Pokemon status.

Facebook: Infamous people/event status.

Facebook: History status.

Don't you just love Facebook?

So...!

2010-09-18T20:59:00.003+08:00

Totally shagged after 6 days worth of full shift... (Soooo not gonna talk about it)

I tried this, what-I-thought-was-useless, face gel that removes dead skins and black heads. It's a Bio-essence product, Deep exfoliating gel with ATP. Oh man...!! I was only a sample product though, by Bio-essence. :(!!

Instantly after usage, all the dead skin flakes surfaced. I feels like wet paper being squashed around. My gawd!! My face felt so much more smoother! Right now, I could not stop caressing my skin because it's just so SMOOTH! After that, I used my daily face cleaner and voila!

Fresh, fine skin!

you go Bio-essence! <3

Try it! Bio-essence with ATP

It educates you, all you need to know about skin! :)! I love it so much, I'm gonna buy the set soon! :)!

daydreamer

2010-09-16T02:05:00.003+08:00

Wouldn't it be great if we could just fade to our dreams and live in a fantasy? I do that, all the time. I daydream far too much, I realized I've mingled my reality and my fantasies.

A daydream is an evasion. ~ Thomas Merton.

It feels like I'm walkthrough a fairytale but when trouble comes, I just wanna end the tale and take on reality by reading another fairytale. Just goes to show how much of a coward I am.

Foolish, foolish me.

ventricular septal defect

2010-09-07T02:20:00.002+08:00

I get the feeling that my past brother, died at the age of 3, was due to this particular defection. Not to mention countless of other problems during that period.

All I know was that due to a hole in his heart, something went terribly wrong with him and he was gone, soon after.

After reading this, supposedly humorous article, I realised one thing. No matter what people say, Cracked.com educates as much as it cracks people up. Unbelievable.

Ventricular Septal Defect

It occurs in most infants. Despite the diameter of the hole itself, you should always take precaution and should be closely monitored. However, it may close on its own with the aid of medications. If the hole is big, it may require surgery.

The surgery is always a success. At the rate of 94%+, most infants get to live till today. Perhaps you, reader, are of the majority. My brother, however, fell into the minority category.

He went through with the surgery yet it did not save him. Perhaps it was a late call. It was too much of a post to save him. His lungs, perhaps, have too much blood in it.

To all parents, I encourage you to read about this defection and look upon it. I don't want to startle anyone but better be safe than sorry. :)!

I hate him for leaving me but I love him still. I am glad he isn't suffering like I am. I wouldn't wish it on him because he is my lover for life. I mean, my BROTHER!! Heh heh! Laters Claisavard!

12.33am!

2010-09-06T00:21:00.001+08:00

No sleeping yet.

SO shagged today. Had to do full shift, hoho -_-! Mad.

ARGH! I shall blog 'nother day. I'm so mad tired. KTHXNIGHT

cute stuffs!

2010-08-30T00:29:00.001+08:00

View it.

'Nuff said.

nocturns rules suck!!

2010-08-29T02:52:00.001+08:00

Hella waahhh??

2.53am and I ain't sleepin' yet.

Nocturns SUCK!!!!

UPDATED!

2010-08-06T05:16:00.004+08:00

New blogskin. A cheechako. Hi. I'm a newcomer. :D!
This skin is loves. :]

so long it seems as though

2010-08-06T02:46:00.002+08:00

Aeons has passed.

I seriously prefer Internet Explorer because I can see my blog looking all fine and dandy. That's why I never bother to blog nowadays because I'm using Google Chrome. It messes up my page. I think I better make a new blog skin because, HELL, I don't think this skin suits me.

I've a lot in mind now but most of all is this, studying and getting into that STUPID STUPID journalism course. Sigh. It's all I've been thinking of. Apart from work. And work. And work. It's full of workshIt. LOL.

You know when you're all but trapped in a limbo, what would be the first thing you'd do? Find a way out? Nah. I believe fear takes over first, then you get all frustrated, not knowing what to do with the anger and madness. Finally, you kick and throw anything in sight and scream out loud.

It's called "breaking down".

I hate the feeling. No. I abhor it. A lot.

I have so much to think of, so much to worry about, so much to smile and hope for that I don't know where the holy frish I'm going. I'm so lost and stuck. I don't have a plan! I live for today and tomorrow, well, what happens, happens.

I can't find myself in the far future because I simply cannot find myself married, VERY educated, having a good life, living with someone to think about. Fuck man. I feel so.... urghh, down!

There're times when I feel like giving all up and think this.

Whatever will be, will be.

Aigoo. I need to study again. I want to learn languages, again. Everything, again!

Singlishzzz

2010-06-24T02:42:00.001+08:00

You guys should probably go singlish sometimes. It's just so cute and adorable that rabbits hop away in jealousy, lol!

Muttons To Midnight, 98.7FM podcast. :)!

Could try listening to this?

2010-06-17T01:13:00.000+08:00

I got hooked to it. XP!

dunno what to note

2010-06-11T03:32:00.002+08:00

I've never known what to blog as of late. Thus, I've been avoiding my blog for a while now. I know my blog doesn't deserve the ignoring but UGH! If nothing's to be blogged about, then nothing to blog about, right? Right.

Amazingly enough, I've killed 5 roaches today. This sucks. When will the killing ever cease? I'm really sick and tired of the roaches running around. They're BIG. and BLACK! omFG. :(!

Black roaches. So, does white roaches exist?! Haha! something to ponder, aye?

So, I've gotten my pay. Getting ready to buy my OMFG iphone! XD! Can't wait. The excitement, zomgosh!!!! :D!

Anyway, I'm over David. He doesn't make my heart go thump thump anymore. No longer a reality-throb. I'm glad I know you bozz because you're a good buddy. :D! thanks!

Moved in.

2010-05-19T21:19:00.002+08:00

I JUST MOVED IN!
YAY!

Got my phone line and broadband fixed today. Today feels great! :D!
Good gods, I don't know what to blog about. Ok. Maybe this is what you guys should try reading!

Big Nate
The Boy With The Biggest Head In The World.

I LOVED IT! It's by Lincoln Pierce. I don't know if you guys read Diary of a Wimpy Kid but it's something like that. It's seriously hella funny!!!

So, got my IC reidentification done, as in, change of address and somemore stuffs done. Changed our address at the bank. XD! Reading this book, Pirate Latitudes, by Michael Crichton. He's like AMAZING! HIM!

Amazing, didn't know he was the author of Jurassic Park. XD! Creator of ER TOO! WHAT THE HOLY! Really nabeh, so super. Can I has your brains, sir?! :X! Haha!

Anyway, I'm off to eat. LOL! LATERS!

joke of the house

2010-05-07T00:46:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you a joke.

Dad was painting the house one day. Forgot which, but yeah. He did.
He saw a roach nearby him.
What do you do when you see a roach and you have a brush in your hand?

Whack it?
Nope.

BRUSH IT! HAHAHAHAHA! He painted the poor thing WHITE! OMG! FIL, fuck its life! HAHAHA! Dad picked the roach up and threw it away! OMG! Chocolate moment! LOL! I shoulda snapped a photo and done something about it! XD!

Away from work now. It's been giving me so much stress. I feel like a plague, that is to be avoided at all costs. I've become more and more quiet until I feel like there isn't a need to open my mouth to talk at all. I've become seriously autistic at work.

Sigh. I don't know! Sir! Avoid me please! I will avoid you at all costs!

Someone hear my plea.
Grant me my wish.
I want to be me again.

Shagged

2010-04-28T21:27:00.001+08:00

OMFG! So long already and so lazy to blog! Makes me feel like a lazy blogger. Exactly, I am!

Boom Boom! :)!

Took off from work for 3 days. Cleaned my new house. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

I KILLED SO MANY FUCKING COCKROACHES!!!

COCKROACHES.

FUCKING HATE THEM! OMFG! I even took photos of how many I killed. X_X! DIE DIE! T_T!

Ok. Work tomorrow. SO not looking forward. Oh fuck.

You like him. She likes him too! I like him aswell!
Fuck him. Fuck me. I'm out of this love business.
Sir, you are such an attraction factor, please get out of my life. Fank you.

oh, another outing?!

2010-04-19T01:49:00.006+08:00

Yeah. XD! I'm such a lazy bum to post pictures and OMG! LOOK AT THE TIME! :D! Let The pictures do the talking XD!

She's saying "Help me please! X3"!

Where we ate. City Square Mall, again.

Her Chicken Mushroom thing?

My Pasta!

Desser...GHOST!!!!!

DESSERT!!!!!

Her!

ME!

Lazy to blog. It's all about work nowadays that I hardly get any personal time. Gay max.

dude just wtf.

2010-04-10T00:57:00.002+08:00

Bitch. Just bitchy.

Your excuse is just plain retarded. I'll talk it out with you. I'm so fucking pissed right now, it takes more than just control to control. It takes ranting but no, Claise. It won't be here. It'll be for David. You wanna come up with an excuse? It better be logical and have your facts straight.

Fucking, retarded, stupid, idiotic, blasted, busted, damn-it, god damn mother fucking bitch, fucking asshole of a David.

random rots

2010-04-07T00:44:00.001+08:00

and THIS.

A little over a year ago there was a major oil spill off the coast of SE Queensland when the Pacific Adventurer ran aground spewing 270 tonnes of oil across the Sunshine Coast and Moreton Island. Now a Chinese ship, the Shen Neng 1, plowed at full stem into a reef about 120km east of Rockhampton on the southern edge of the Great Barrier Reef.

The ship contains some 975 tonnes of oil and 65,000 tonnes of coal. So far about two tonnes have leaked from a tank containing 150 tonnes of heavy duty oil. The big worry is that the ship might break up, spilling the coal onto the sea floor and the oil into the water in an environmentally sensitive area off Shoalwater Bay and Great Keppel Island.

The ship is in Commonwealth waters, inside the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park. Maritime Safety Queensland is the lead agency dealing with the disaster with support from the Commonwealth.

The main question arising is why the carrier was in a restricted zone more than 15 nautical miles away from the nearest shipping lane. In the map provided in the Courier Mail the ship appeared to be taking a short cut.

The second question will be whether all ships traversing these waters should be guided by pilots with local knowledge.

Also there is question as to whether there should be a second vessel tracking service to complement the Great Barrier Reef and Torres Strait Vessel Traffic Service which provides coverage of sea lanes to the Hay Point port near Mackay to the north. We are told that the Maritime Safety Queensland and the Australian Maritime Safety Authority are already assessing these questions in view of the expected increase in vessel numbers into Gladstone associated with coal and coal seam gas exports.

There is also a question as to why it took nearly two hours to report the incident to authorities.

From here.

Something good and something bad. Sigh. The world.

OMFG MY FIRST SKIN

2010-04-06T02:19:00.001+08:00

FINALLY! OMFG! IT'S FUCKING DONE.
First blogskin ever made by me. FFS.
Took me 3 god damned days and nights.
YOU, STUPID SKIN, SCREWED MY SLEEPING SCHEDULE.
Yuck Fou. Buts, I'm a happy somebody. *grins* :D!

i miss you oh so much

2010-04-04T01:02:00.003+08:00

Screw it if the whole world reads but he doesn't...

I miss you, o' god, o' so much. How much the heart misses your presence.
Can't you see it in my eyes?
Can't you feel it?
My tears felt like brimming up whenever I see you but I try not to breakdown in front of you.
I've said before that my apologies are never sincere is because I don't want you trampling over my heart. But, o! Alas! What have I done is just you run over my heart because of my own words, my own mistake. I deserve it, don't I?
I want to talk to you but because I feel wordless, you deem me arrogant.

I totally deserved everything. To be treated evilly by you. But it's ok! Your smile, afterall, it's the most important thing to me...

I just feel like tucking my tail between my legs and just run away and never to return, bringing the scratches on my heart with me.

Today, we go from weird to emo...

2010-04-02T23:33:00.003+08:00

to fall in love is always easy
to start a relationship is always simple
to build it, is always tough
to maintain it, is 'better said than done'
to break off, is 'easier said than done'
to remain friends after u broke off, is never possible
to forget the memories is 'always doing but never succeeding'
to heal the pain within is hard and tough and never near simple
but one has to try to heal your own heart...

TRUE OR NOT?! From SGCLub.com, finaldust is the user name.

Something random to cheer you up

2010-04-02T00:16:00.000+08:00

You know what's weird?

That cuts it. 'Nuff said. Night. =D!

WTF lor!

2010-03-29T00:51:00.002+08:00

WTF IS THAT?! WHAT THE...

What lead to that....

At work, closing time. I almost finished my closing and I was pretty much just wiping here and there and everywhere and suddenly! Abu found a freaking day-dot (which is on the Teddy's front)...

Susu: Dude, throw it away man. It's unusable liao!
Abu: *looks at David then me* You know you wanna... *whispers*
Susu: What???
Abu: You know, on him... Paste it on him...
*David walks by*

I PASTED IT INSIDE HIM LOLOLOL!!!! MAD!!! AS IN ON HIS BARE BACK ROFFLE!!!! The guy just shot to his office and went WTFF... And so, his first thought was to have his revenge! ON THE FREAKING TEDDY, OF ALL THINGS! MAD...!!!!

I went "OMFG, NOT THE TEDDY!!!".

Shit... too late for words. I laughed my guts out because WTF, it's just plain funny! OMFG. YOU IMAGINE IT?!

Abu: It's like the teddy has something to cover it's private parts!
Susu: It's LIKE A FREAKING LOINCLOTH WHAT THE HELLLLLL... HE DOESN'T HAVE A PENIS!

Both Abu and David just roared with laughter. Was the comment funny meh??? -_-!! IT AIN'T A ~~LION~~LOINCLOTH! I keep typing "lioncloth" instead of "loincloth". Probably it makes more sense as lion than loin. LOL!

Going back home was a little awkward. I didn't know he was gonna take the train... I was a wee bit tadda shock that he took the train. Said it was closer to walk from Boon Keng or something, I don't know really. We made use of the time though. To just chit chat and try and bond. Afterall, it was getting hard to bond with him, not when I plainly refused to chat with him.

I was being apathetic today. Displaying no-interest kinda thing. Abu pointed out to me one thing...

Abu: I don't like how she talks to David. It's just mad rude.
Susu: How? Like normal to me leh...
Abu: You know what I mean....

During closing...

Susu: What do you mean by "mad rude" really?
Abu: You see lha, she just calls him David. I mean, look at the situation. Who is she? Who is he?
Susu: Irfan does the same thing...
Abu: I mean, Irfan was polite when communicating with him...
Susu: You mean, cara tutur bahasa dia lah?
Abu: That's right. She's just plain rude.
Susu: I mean, he's fine with it. I shouldn't really be bothered about it, right?

I don't know. I was indifferent. I was pretending it didn't affect me lha! Dunno lha! I was jealous but how I just keep it, it's just by not talking. It is said that if a girl keeps quiet, she's thinking of a million things. Probably right. Safer to just keep the mouth shut than to just point fingers, right?

I'm probably jealous a whole lot but he's also probably jealous a whole lot when I talk a lot to Abu. I mean, it's payback one-on-one, right? I guess so. I tried to be calm and cool. I will try even harder since I've gotten the first step right. It just feels mad different because you know why? When Abu is around, it feels like he shuns himself away a LOT. Like A LOT.

FUCKING A LOT.

When Abu ain't around, he jokes with me like it's the best thing ever? WTF. I ain't going there man. All this crap gives me a headache....

For fuck's sake lha! So fucking obvious she likes him! That's why I SHUN away if he talks with her. It's fine by me, I think... I GUESS! :X! You guys make the perfect couple bah. BAHHHH! Headache much...

Poison yourself, you fucktard!

2010-03-28T01:04:00.003+08:00

Ok, this pisses me off big time. Stupid customers and their fucking annoying impatience. Holy fuck. I HAVE TO BLOG THIS, BIG TIME. FOR FUCK'S SAKE LAR!!!

You imagine you're the serviceman.
You see a customer.
Greeted the dude.
Asked him for his mad order.
Tell him it'll take mad 5 minutes.
He said to you this.
"Can you hurry up? I'm kinda in a hurry..."
What do you mad answer???

So mad. So egging mad!!

I said this.

"Wellllll, this is a grill item sir. If we undercook it, it'll lead to food poisoning and the blame will be pushed to us...." *eyes looking side-ways*

WTF?!????? There's a fucking reason WHY we stated fucking grill items take fucking at least fucking five goddamned minutes to cook. OMFG! I'm so full of curses and swears now, it just seems appropriate for this kind of STUPID situation. Just WHAT THE FUCKKK LORRRR!!!!!!!

Like OMG larr!! Seriously man. This kind of things need us to stress and emphasize meh? I just mad realise that there are just humans out there that don't understand that HUMANS ARE NOT FREAKING PERFECT AFTERALL.

Just look at this. I mean, just more in the line and we f**king forgot about your order. I mean, you must understand, that as a customer, that you are ALMOST ALWAYS RIGHT. Don't fucking forget that we both, service people and customers have the same status.

We're HUMANS, YOU FUCKING BITCHES AND/OR MUTTS.

It's inevitable. There will bound to be imperfection and mistakes. It's unavoidable! Stupid fuckface. I mean, I know I sound all bitchy and what all and what not right now but screw you and your opinions.

Monologue much, sir?

Sigh, ridiculous day overall... Like ok! Never mind! Something lighter! OMFG.

OMFG SO CUTE LOR!!!!!

Like ok. What was THAT ALL ABOUT?! Cat in pringles container? WTF! STILL CUTE, HAHAHA! SQUEEEEEE CUTEEEEEE SO CHIOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! XP! No photos! Because I'm too mad busy to start snapping photos about different shizzles, really. X.X!

I DON'T KNOW!

2010-03-25T01:19:00.003+08:00

You know who you are if you EVER come across this freaking post...

Look, dude, I'm sick and tired of you. I'm sick of the feelings that I'm bearing for you. I'm sick of holding that fucking torch for over a year now. I'm tired of holding it up. I'm tired of brightening my life and myself just so you can see who you're dealing with. WTF?! I'm not a freaking lighthouse, for god's sake! I am STILL a SOMEBODY! Not a NOBODY!

You haven't an ounce of sincerity within you! You haven't an ounce of care and concern in you! You're but full of lies and more lies. Full of facades and masquerades. Full of cold-smiles. NOTHING in you is fucking WARM. You're just a doll! You claim, you claim, you claim. Well, HELLO. I can claim too. I'm gonna start right now.

I claim that you will never be sincere in your life.
I claim that you will never let anyone enter your heart.
I claim that you're too fudging blind to see who cares for you.
I claim that you're nothing but a coward.
I claim that you, the coward, only know how to live with a fake smile, always fearing to share your weaknesses and problems with anyone called a "friend".
I claim that what you claim is right.
You. Are. Fucking. Alone. GOOD RIDDANCE!

Have I made myself clear? I tried to open your shell. I tried to pry inside you. I tried to understand you. I tried. You've never tried. You've never helped yourself. Guess what? Thanks for making me go to bed every night with tears, dumbass. I don't deserve to cry because of you because, what the fuck, what's the fecking odds of us even being together? ZERO. BIG FAT ZERO!

QUIT LEADING ME ALREADY, YOU IDIOT. YES, this is MY BLOG. I have all authority to call you whatever names I choose. If you don't like the names, simple. Don't fucking talk to me and keep making me fall for you. Do you know how much I hate you now? I care for you too much, it just makes me hate you. Because YOU fucking make me weak. Deep within that stupid love, I find hatred for you. But because I fucking hate you that I realise I'm just a kid in denial and I'm still fucking loving you. How'd you like THAT?!

Please See: I hope you're not offended because I needed to rant it out. Call me a loser if you want, sir, because right now, I feel like I am a loser with tears on my face. Thanks for sending me to such depths.

Stupid Claise. Your Stupid Susu is SOOO STUPID, SHE SHOULD JUST FUCKING DIE.

Night.

Camwhore at HDB

2010-03-22T23:28:00.016+08:00

You know what is the best thing that could ever happen? A good day with a good camera with a good hang-out!

Went out with daddy today. We went to HDB Hub at Toa Payoh for our first appointment! Contra and what-not! Sign, signing and just more SIGNING!!!!! Of course, in the midst of everything, I always camwhore as much as I can. Visuals in my posts just seem to bring everything alive! I've changed, huh? :D!

Breakfast @ McDonald's!

Look at how busy HDB Hub is at freaking TEN AM!!!!! OMG?! I JUST WOKE UP, usually, at that time. 'Sides, I lack the sleep! :]!

Agents chit-chatting all the way. One of the photos has my dad and my agent. She's the best! By the way, notice from THE Susu! One of the "HDB Servant" was egging rude.

"SO MESSY!!" or so, she says. My god. Irritated max at that! But whatever, y'know?

My panorama is fail, I know. I'm not perfect. :(!

Of course, after all that, we had to pay stamp-fees and what lawyer fees. Bull~~shit~~ really! $260 for stamp? $3,400 for lawyer? WHAT THE HOLY!? HAHA! Man, we're so broke. Imagine we have to pay these kinda things if we gonna buy or sell house. So crappy lha! NEXT! LUNCH! I'm so hunger! Before that, I shall show you the nursing room/parenting room! WAY COOL! I had to camwhore more....

Like it so far? Full of motivational posters too, about kids!

I KNOW I look chubby but I love myself, OKAI? That's all that matters!

FOOD TIME! Had that Beef Don thing. Tasted ok. I LOVE MY ICE TEA CINO! IT'S LOVE!!!! At Forks & Spoon... (Where the hell did they get that idea from? Why not "Hands and Plate"? Since it's a halal outlet like Banquet....)

Pretty scenery too!

Cute baby... NOT MY KID!

So, we saw many many showhouses! OMG, STUNNED AT THE INTERIOR DESIGN! EXPERTLY DONE TO GIVE THE HOMEY FEELING! I wanna go there again!!!! *whines*! All at Sengkang and one more place, I fail to remember... Blame my memory capacity...

Studio Room (2-Room Flat) for Elderly only

3-Room Flat. Pict 3: No sitting! Pict 2: Snapping photo of my reflection. Failed miserably due to flash.

I'm not gonna go through 4-Room flat because it wasn't much impressive except for the shoe-drobe. It was cool. I was thinking it was some kinda wall and BANZAI! It opened?! It wasn't a wall?! Haha, got tricked there. VERY BADLY TRICKED. Poor Susu. NEXT UP!

5-Room Flat

You know what's AMAZING?! THE COZY LITTLE LIBRARY AND THE CHANDELIER! It's OMG! LOOK AND TELL ME YOU'RE NOT EGGING IMPRESSED! You're just asking for a visit to Oprah, one of richest African American lady. I SO ADMIRE HER! She's like my torch light, y'know?! Nevermind! Go wiki her up, k?? Overall, I'm SO SATISFIED with my little vacation!

You know what's more amazing? I still needed to camwhore even after all THAT! Building miniature! It's so cool that they, being the government, are trying to go all green. What did Kak Yati say? Comment: HOLY.

Set tents up. All homeless residents, please proceed to rooftop of every multi-storey carpark building! One cubicle per family.

HAHA! SATISFACTION GUARANTEED! Anyway! Me and dad planned on going to a showhouse on furnitures. Didn't take photo because we ended up with a heavy rainfall as the perfect ending in the afternoon. So ticked I couldn't camwhore more. Haha! Anyway! Here's an entry, no doubt to take up and waste some boring time away!

Adios, Claisavard!

KNNBCCB

2010-03-22T00:50:00.003+08:00

It's been sometime but I need to blog about Jack Neo!!!!!!

Ok. Not to mention this is just opiniated so don't get offended lha!

I mean, come on! Mdm Irene knew that her husband is unfaithful since a year ago before the confessions, so why the shock????

If you suspect your husband and you've heard from your friends that your husband has been hanging around with a girl younger than you and looks better than your wrinkly face, it's time to face up!

Show the dude, who's boss!

I don't buy the "faithful" story although Irene Kng probably have a different opinion than I do. She's probably more of an introvert? But towards these kinda things??? Aiyaaaahhh!

More Singapore hot story.

22 year old ~~idiot~~guy got jailed for scamming cars. Allen Tan Wei Loon. Cannot get a job at a car factory ar?????? You read. You just read and tell me how ridiculous it is.

A YOUNG man was jailed for 42 months by a district court on Thursday over a car rental scam.

Allen Tan Wei Loon, 22, who admitted to eight charges of mostly cheating, was banned from driving for four years for driving without a licence and insurance coverage.

The total amount he cheated was about $134,000, of which $112,000 had been paid back.

Deputy Public Prosecutor Nicholas Khoo said last August, Tan responded to an online message to rent Ms Lim Lay Lan's car.

After taking the car, he cheated the 50-year-old into believing that he would use the $2,725 she had transferred to his account to pay for road tax and insurance.

The following month, he deceived Mr Tan Keng Hwee, 32, into believing that he would rent his Suzuki car, and pay a monthly rental, insurance and road tax totalling $2,679. He did not pay a single cent.

On Aug 29, Mr Tan Jun Yong, 22, was looking for a car to rent when saw the accused's advertisement on the Internet.

The victim was deceived into transferring $1,680 to Tan's bank account after he was duped into believing that the accused had a Mazda RX8 car for rent.

The DPP said in another case, Tan made Ms Ng See Wee, 29, believe that he would pay her $1,194 a month to rent her $57,000 Mazda RX8 car.

After collecting the car, he did not pay her a cent. Instead, he rented the car to Mr Eric Ng Kian Seng, 27, who transferred a total of $6,500 for four months' rental and a deposit.

Mr Ng drove for two months before it went missing. He later found out that the car did not belong to Tan and that the owner had taken it back.

From Straitstime.com

WTF???? JUST WTF????? You have mental problem meh? Stupid Allen. You do this in Singapore somemore, where police can easily track you via bank account. Are you just STUPID OR WHAT?! FUNNY SIA! Why did you even try and scam in Singapore, of all countries. Can try Malaysia lha where you still have 3% chance of escaping but Singapore?! JUST MAD FUNNY! Scam and scam. Think people won't call police about this matter de meh. Sigh. Just plain, ol' stupid Singapore.

There are burglars. Then, there are dumb scammers. Stupid.

Feeling better after blogging. I'll be back soon with photos from outing! HAHA!

waiting...

2010-03-17T22:38:00.005+08:00

So, a random topic about hair. No ticks involved, I swear! Or dandruffs!

Now that I've rebonded my hair and it's feeling smooth and shinyyyy... I need to take care of it, right? Obviously. Due to the chemicals involved, I have to find ways to hydrate it properly. If you're Singaporeans, you're super lucky. If you're not, well... Unlucky.

The one product I would recommend you readers..

KAO Essential Damage Care - Rich Premier!

Note: It's really the smell.

HAHAHAHA! But overall, I would rate this product as a 8.7/10. WHY?!

1. It makes your hair feel really smooth!
2. More managable!
3. REALLY NICE SMELL!
4. Cares for your hair deeply.

Screw what those NTUC ladies say about the increased amount of hairfall. They're just jealous that the product is way too good and they probably have a bad experience with it!

::Normal Scalp::

Just use it like normal. Wash your hair with warm water. Squeeze about 7-12ml of shampoo and gently massage your hair. Rinse it off with warm water. Not HOT!

Condition your hair with the same amount. Leave it on for about 1 min. You could apply a face cream or something while waiting? Rinse it off with COLD water!

Treatment - To be done once or twice a week. Wash hair with warm water. Apply it. Wait for 5 minutes. Rinse it off with cold water. Best to use it together with the shampoo and conditioner.

Hair mask - Once or twice a week. Same goes for treatment except you can just straightaway apply it. Although better to wet your hair first. Your choice really. Wait for 15 minutes for it to really settle in. Wash it off with cold water.

::Oily Scalp::

Wash your hair with warm water. Squeeze about 7-12ml of shampoo and gently massage your hair especially the roots. Leave it on a little longer. Rinse it off with warm water. Not HOT!

Condition your hair with the same amount but make sure you condition real well at its end. AVOID THE ROOTS OF YOUR HAIR! Leave it about 1 min. Rinse it off with COLD water!

Treatment - To be done once or twice a week. Wash hair with warm water. Apply it. Wait for 5 minutes. Rinse it off with cold water. Best to use it together with the shampoo and conditioner.

Hair mask - Once or twice a week. Same goes for treatment except you can just straightaway apply it. Although better to wet your hair first. Your choice really. Wait for 15 minutes for it to really settle in. Wash it off with cold water.

::Dry Scalp::

Wash your hair with warm water. Squeeze about 7-12ml of shampoo and gently massage your hair. Rinse it off with warm water. Not HOT!

Condition your hair with the same amount but make sure you condition real well at the roots. Leave it about 3 min. Rinse it off with COLD water!

Treatment - To be done once or twice a week. Wash hair with warm water. Apply it. Wait for 5 minutes. Rinse it off with cold water. Best to use it together with the shampoo and conditioner.

Hair mask - Once or twice a week. Same goes for treatment except you can just straightaway apply it. Although better to wet your hair first. Your choice really. Wait for 15 minutes for it to really settle in. Wash it off with cold water.

So, there you go. Nuance Airy works exactly the same and have a slightly sweeter smell but it's mostly for people who have dull hair and wants to make their hair light and bouncy, having a little more volume. Anywho, it's really the cute product that I'm after. They're so CHIOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Who knows what spell or witchcraft they use for that KAO Essential products because I'm SO totally in love with it. I don't care if you're gonna leave comments about how sucky the product is. I'm just promoting this product and sharing my opinion. Your opinion stinks!

Pictured: You and your opinions.

Apparently, I'm just trying to bring up this blog. My previous posts are ever-so-boring but I won't delete them. Probably I should make another blog that's gonna be full of my thoughts and stuffs like that but it's just an IDEA.

Oh no, driving like a drunk is fantastic!

Probably will end up with coolio things like accidents and highway fall-out or smashing a tree or knocking into a traffic light or just ramming over a cute innocent kitty cat. Who knows! Probably the best experience, EVER! Never mind...

Again, it's the boredom. I'm just worried about this.

YES! SAME PHONE! Guess who owns one and who owns the other??? Winner gets this from me.

Present: ~~Kitten, really.~~ WORDS.

Of course I got the pink one and David got the white one. You don't seriously think that a GUY would WALK AROUND with a FREAKING PINK PHONE, RIGHT?! What I'm afraid is everyone's opinions. Yes. Now I fear your stinking opinion.

F.E.A.R.

Especially my colleagues. I don't know, honestly. Hope everything will work out right and no one will leave a stupid comment about how I want to be the same as David and vice-versa like as though we're a pair match-made in heaven. Don't go around getting the wrong ideas, k?

PLEASE PLEASE SEE: Do NOT refer my blog for other people's amusement. Fine, go on ahead. :(! Tata!

a date?

2010-03-14T23:51:00.008+08:00

Whatever you call it, I just call it shopping. Don't get your mind overloaded. With crappy shit called date.

So...

What's new?

Went to Kimage's today. For hair appointment. I was looking forward to going Kimage like, a lot, because of their reputation! FANTASTIC JOB DONE, as always.

That's Pioneer Mall's really but I'm just giving you an idea of how it looks like. Basically green. Probably want to improve their eyesight problem. Heh.

Went out today. Headed over to Compass Point to meet a contact for my new PHONEE!!!

Bloody hell I ended up so pissed off instead. Because he was super late! Close to one hour. Mind you, an HOUR! Who makes a stranger wait for over an hour?! I nearly gave up because hell! 4.3-pm, I texted David if he was done with work. He was!!!! Guess what time I left Sengkang?

5.55pm

HOLY COW?! Ok, apart from that, I'm quite satisfied because I got my PHONE!!!

Perchance now, I saw Johnathan... RGM of Compass Point. HOLY CRAP! THIS IS TWICE I'VE BUMPED INTO HIM! I'm not EXCITED OK! Just emphasizing... That's all...

So, David went to get a haircut and he did say this to me when he saw my hair...

"I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS!"
"WHY?!"
"I JUST CAN'T!"
"But it's more managable!"
"NO!"

LOL! WTF. KNNBCCB. @ work, Amy became our new disher. FFS! The shop probably died. LOL!

All done while I was heading back to Outram Park. Met up with David there. He was all... I dunno.

"Sir, gonna take what?"
"Purple line, back home."
"Ehhh, you promised me that you'll go out with me."
"Heh? *scratches his non-itchy head*"
"SIRRRRRR!!!! *blinks puppy eye*"

*train came*
*dragged him to the train*

...and OFF WE GO! To MerLion. And so, we chatted about random stuff, first and foremostly... Seats. No seats. My gawd, shagged out from all that train ride and standing around.

Dropped off at Raffles Place and the place looked hella gloomy. Probably because it felt like a ghost town, no one bustling around.

He did that on purpose while I was trying out the phone.

And being the smart tourist guide, I decided to lead him to all the wrong ways of town. It took a very long while and after a few couple of misturns, we've reached our destination.

THE MERLION.

And yes, I saw THAT. WHAT IS THAT?! A FREAKING TORPEDO?! SUBMARINE?! MISSILE?! On the soon-to-be IR! WHAT IS THATTT?!?!?!?!?

In lieu of a soon-to-be terrorist attack, we have built a missile so we can launch it easily. Together with the guests, probably dining in that Torpedo-look-a-like, and god-knows-how-many shops in that thingie, this will be a blast, guaranteed to send the world packing for Mars. Yes. This is the new Singapore. Ever-Ready.

Never mind that. Continuing on...

That Eurasian guy was the victim of my camwhoring sessions.

And so was David.

He told me he hates taking photos. A guy with absolutely no confidence at all in his looks and yet many girls in Tiong Bahru Plaza fawning over him. Sure, all the negative and positive aspects of having the perfect body shape and baby face turns him on and off and turn the girls on with his shy-boy character. I, for one, will never fall for that. Which shy-boy hits a girl on the head? For heaven's sake. In the end, I forced him to camwhore. I'm not gonna upload ALL THE TRIES that we've taken. But I'll upload the most natural looking one. OK, THE HAIR IS NOT NATURALLY STRAIGHT. I MEAN MINE. But WHO CARES?! THIS IS MY BLOG. :D!

So, we walked on and on, towards City Hall. HOO BOY were our legs fagged and shagged out. David wanted to withdraw money. We had to WALK. Through that stinking CityLink. (HOBEY! IT RHYMED!) To find out we have to go UP to the Raffles Shopping Centre and DOWN to its basement to find the ATM. NOPE! ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, DEFINITELY A BIG FAT NO!

We were thinking about where to go and suddenly, David had this idea of going to... Lavender! Because he knows that that's the nearest ATM Machine (Mind the contradiction here, I'm trying to be a anti-time-consuming person here) and GOOD INDIAN FOOD.

"Is the food halal?" Me.
"I don't know."
"Any pork???"
"I think not. Maybe Halal pork?!" Him.
"You gotta be joking...."
"They don't sell pork... Veggie? Chicken? FISH?! MUTTON?!"
"Okkk... But if it ain't halal, I ain't eating man..."

LOL. Yes, argue over food. Je*us. LOL. Anywho, off we go to Lavender...!

Withdrew money and I wanted to see his accoutn balance but no! ATM's being a biatch and won't show! I SWEAR HE SET-TED IT UP SO IT WOULDN'T SHOW! SELFISH! LOL! Despite that mini-anger ongoing all year round, we went to the restaurant. He said...

"Ten minutes if we walked fast."
"I'm short." -_-
"Oh yeah, forgot!"
"I don't have long legs."
"I know. So you walk faster, I walk slower and longer steps."

What the *************************!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, we walked past by City Square Mall and WHEE, ended up in Farrer Park... -_-! CAN'T WE TAKE THE TRAIN?! Never mind, my legs has sufferred enough! Finally, found the restaurant, ordered our food and settled down. For dinner. FINALLY. I haven't had anything for the entire day, mind you. :(! Sad!

David ordered Chicken Briyani. I orders white rice! Him coke. Me tea'o! Hurrah hurrah! He opted to pay. Supposing he's trying to be the man on the show. LOL! FREE DINNER AT LAST!

Orang Melayu kata... Rezeki jangan ditolak, maut jangan dicari!
Translation: Malay people say... Do not reject food and provisions, do not look for death and problems!

Wasn't accurate but that was the generic idea, y'know?

Anywho, dinner completed!

HIS.

MINE.

Mine's cleaner. Ok. So, he asked again if I had any idea of where to go. Frustrating men, really. But it's ok. I'm the more adventurous one! It's about time we got lost in the City Square Mall!

Admitted: David wants to find a pair of shorts that he can WEAR!
Pros: GOOD WAIST! GOOD LOOKS!
Cons: NO SIZE! TOO LOOSE!

All around we go! Finally landed at Metro. Surfer's Paradise section...

I was ATTRACTED to Khaki shorts! But HELLA! They don't have any in stock. Because, hobey! Great minds think alike! He likes the khaki ones too! He said he better get it because it's not easy to find size for him. I told him to wear certain colours to match that white blue shorts. It turned out ok, he was pretty satisfied.

So off we go. Home. HANG ON! I FELT THIRSTY! So we headed to NTUC. Bought myself MARIGOLD MIXED BERRIES YOGHURT DRINK! Yummylicious.com!!! He said he wanted to take a bus but he wanted to send me to the MRT station. Also, we could top-up our ez-link! I was frustrated because the machine couldn't read my card! HELLO! IS MY CARD RETARDED OR THE MACHINE RETARDED?!

Not pictured: Retarded EzLink Top-Up Machine at Farrer Park MRT Station.

Anywho... lastly... I tapped my card, walked in and about to escalate the escalator... I forgotten that my conditioner is in his bag! Harassed him to come back after walking away from the station for one minute and it took him five minutes to walk back with the conditioner in hand. How many zips does his bag have? 5. Two too small to fit in his conditioner. That leaves three. 4 minutes to dig out a contioner?! HObey! He musta spitted some china-Germs into it. Gross. :(!

All in all, it was a totally frustrating yet good day. Hope you readers enjoyed this ~~pointless and nonsensical~~ rant!

what's a girl to do?

2010-03-12T23:59:00.002+08:00

Allo!

Man, Claise, work's been really tiring now. But it's ok! I'm cool, I'm cool! I'm still... ALIVE.

Damn it. Hahaha!

Well, we've come to the third month of 2010. I swear New Year felt like yesterday and I still haven't wished many people out there Happy New Year!

Well, for those of you missing out, here's one...

HAPPY ~~NEW YEAR~~ APRIL FOOL'S!

Dumbasses. Hahahaha! So, here I am, being all bored and what not. Gets me to thinking.

Should I rebond my hair, at all?! I think I shall! I give up! I will do touch ups every so often, just to keep my hair straight and long! BLUH! I daresay that my oily hair will be treated with dry shampoo even if it means short-term investments! Who cares! HAHA! What I care is my hair! Even if I bleached it or not, just go for treatments lha! Or apply generous amounts of serum! HEH HEH! :D!

I WANT STRAIGHT HAIR! Blood's sake. :(!

Ok. Now, on to something more work work thing....

Nick, ex-ljs-manager of Plaza Singapura, is now our area coach. He wants to make me a manager. Bloody hell. You think I'm interested to wait till JUNE MEH?! Go to hell lho! I don't have time lha!

Time is jumping for joy.

Time is just such a bitch at times. Ok. ALL the times, I daresay. I mean. For heaven's sake, when you want to take back all those mean words you've accidentally said or your knowledge of certain secrets or whatever! Reincarnation, another bullocks! Who gives a ~~fuck~~damn about reincarnation.

I've been bad. I'll reincarnate into a spider.

I'm a black widow now. I shall bite those females from doing more bad deeds! HAH! Laughter is in the airrrrr~! Laugh all you want, you damned readers. Begone you! I'm now a widow, typing with my 8 legs. My gosh, my abdomen feels heavy. Someone come help me lift it please! DOT!

Ok. Never mind that mindless rantings.

David. He. Is. An. Idiot. Do you know that your family wants to matchmake you with someone they know? Stupid. He's getting stressed over it. Poor guy. LOL. What do I care? He is on his own, that's for sure. For the first time EVER, I asked him out and he agreed to accompany me. Is he drunk? LOL. Is he sleepy? I think so. Is he crazy? From IMH. LOL.

I wanna make some memories with him at my favourite hangout, the Merlion. I should just make this a one-time trip, huh? As of late, he's been listening to me and being with me. I dunno. We get all touchy and stuffs. Oh PLEASE, don't let him fall for me or there'll be trouble. BIG ones. Because I'm gonna be left behind and he's gonna be the one leaving me. And hell. I look like a stunning pig.

Not pictured: You guys.

HAHAHA! That's so me. Ok. But one thing I know...

Aku akui aku amat menyayangimu.

Dari sayang, lahirnya rindu. Dari rindu, lahirnya cinta.

Bonzai!

2010-02-25T00:38:00.003+08:00

Wai hello readers! Bah, like as though I have any, anyway...

LOL! I just heard something funny...

Kadang-kadang, perasaan manusia ni lebih kotor daripada najis, tau.

A.K.A. Sometime, human feelings are dirtier than germs and bacteria.

Somehow, I find myself nodding with the quote... Random video update! I love this song. One of the top songs in Korea right now, actually.

You guys loved it yet? Sad, isn't it? Yep. I love it. I keep replaying this song in my handphone mp3(no, I'm not ashamed of this replaying fact) wherever I go. Bah, screw you stupid songs!

Anyway, what's the difference between love and hate? Can you just love someone without hating them? Can you hate someone without loving them? I've been thinking about it and I guess a tad differently. They're not opposite of each other. They just come in a package, you know? Opposite of this package is apathy. Indifference. That's the true enemy here.

I mean, let's face it. I feel kinda pathetic and low to keep voicing this out.

Look at me and David.

I hate him for making me love him. Love is such a strong workd here... Screw you.
I hate him for making me like him.
Better. Sounded like a retard back then.

It's impossible to hate him when I know I like him a lot. I mean, by the whole sky, a lot. But I just want to keep hating him because he makes me feel like a pathetic no one. Holy crap! It doesn't help that when you like someone a lot, you hate them for what they do to you. Or what they do. You love the person. Hate their actions instead. You love the person wholeheartedly yet because of his crooked smile towards you, you hate them because they make your knees tremble.

Fuck you, heart affairs.

All thanks to answerbag.com

"Because you love too much, until you couldn't let it go, hate appears.
When you see deep into the hate you bear for the person, you'll find love.

Yes, you hate someone because you have put in too much love."

Which is what I tried today.

Apathy.

I don't know if it worked. I just tried ignoring.

I knew he was trying to see if I was all right and checked if I was done. Shocked because apparently, I am SUPER fast at doing work. Thanks a lot, jerk. For trying to distract me from my peace. I didn't want to talk to you, you fuck face. But no! You had to SNAP and wake me from my daydreams. THANKS A LOT, FUCK FACE. Would you please cut it out and stop leading me, JESUS! For fuck's sake! Just quit it already while your head is still attached to your body and you're still in Singapore. GET THE FUCK OUT OF SINGAPORE A.S.A.P. DAMN YOU!

Fucking haTe David.

God, help me.

All talk and no action.

2010-02-20T00:46:00.002+08:00

So here I am, again, at a God-Forgive-And-Forget-Me time....

Browsing... what about?
HAIR PRODUCTS!

banzai. Yeah. Hair hair hair.

I need to fucking fix my hair.

I wanna rebond it, again. fKin rebond it, again. It's just too messy and untidy. :(! Gay.

LOL!

I was thinking about going to Jeric's. Considering Kimage is waaaay off my budget. I wanna try other place but you know, scared. LOL! A good hair day is a good and confident day. That's what I believe in. I'd probably drop by Plaza Singapura's Jeric's branch. Didn't like the one at Bugis. The people seemed... I dunno... rude? Look down on me too much? Probably like I'm another stinking rich-kid-wannabe and try expensive shit and leave me homeless the next day.

ALL RIGHT!

It's decided. I fucking hope my pay is like 700 next month....

Because! This is what I'm gonna do, man...

1. Rebond at Jeric's! (200-240)
2. Spectacles! (145-170)
3. Shoes! (80)
4. Transport! (80 is minimum, holy mother fucking piece of what in the seven wonders...)
5. AIA (36 - Should I cancel?)
6. Needs (60)

Fucking totals to 616, if I take average....

Maybe I should cancel the shoes...

1. Rebond at Jeric's! (200-240)
2. Spectacles! (145-170)
~~3. Shoes! (80)~~
4. Transport! (80 is minimum, holy mother fucking piece of what in the seven wonders...)
5. AIA (36 - Should I cancel?)
6. Needs (60)

Maybe? Find a cheaper spectacles, we shall see how. But them are a must. BUDGET LIKE HELL NEXT MONTH!

Allright folks, this month has been pretty busy so I won't be online much, much less to even GAME, so.. miss you guys! So we go, again! It's all about work work work.

P.S. 3 idiots resigned this month. I'm taking over them. Thanks guys. With a big roll on the eyes, yo!

Orgasms.

2010-02-07T20:25:00.001+08:00

Different types of ORGASM of a WOMAN.

1. The Optimist - Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes..................

2. The Pessimist - Oh No, Oh No, Oh No....................

3. The Confused - Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No............

4. The Traveler - Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming.............

5. The Religious - Oh God, Oh God.........................

6. The Userer - Ahh, More, More, More........

7. The Murderer - Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you...

8. The Runner/Sprinter - FASTER! FASTER! FASTER!

9. The Ferocious - HARDER! HARDER! HARDER!

Another Song

2010-02-01T00:07:00.002+08:00

As much as I was random earlier on, I need to delve a little into matters of heart.

I came to a conclusion.

Rita still likes David. Why? Perhaps, so much so, this song that she sent to me, it really explains her. I think I know more than I'm supposed to. *gulps*

Song: 我会好好的 (Wo Hui Hao Hao De - I'll be just fine)
By: 王心凌 (Wang Xin Ling)

我会好好的, 花还香香的
Wo Hui Hao Hao De, Hua Hai Xiang Xiang Di
I'll be just fine. The flowers are still fragrant

世界一直去, 回忆真美丽
Shi Jian Yi Zhi Qi, Hui Yi Zhen Mei Li
The time will always pass by. The memory is really beautiful

我是想着你, 一直想着你
Wo Shi Xiang Zhe Ni, Yi Zhi Xiang Zhe Ni
I'm thinking of you. I'll always think of you

你在我心底, 变成了秘密
Ni Zai Wo Xin Di, Bien Cheng Le Mi Mi
You're in the bottom of my heart. You became a secret

不要说你爱我, 你想我
Bu Yao Shuo Ni Ai Wo, Ni Xiang Wo
Don't say that you love me. That you miss me

如果你的心里没有这么做
Ru Guo Ni De Xin Li Mei You Zhe Me Zuo
If you don't truly love me or think of me from the bottom of your heart

只是勉强的敷衍我
Zhi Shi Mian Qiang De Fu Yan Wo
You're just forcing yourself to make me feel better

我知道了会很难受
Wo Zhi Dao Le Hui Hen Nan Shou
I'll feel bad if I know about it

我要你默默走, 不回头
Wo Yao Ni Mo Mo Zou, Bu Hui Tou
I want you to walk away silently. Don't look back

我会清楚明白你要的是什么
Wo Hui Qing Chu Ming Bai Ni Yao De Shi She Me
I'll clearly understand what you really want

不许勉强的安慰我, 说奇怪的理由
Wu Xi Mian Qiang De An Wei Wo, Shuo Qi Guai De Li You
You don't need to force yourself to comfort me or telling me strange reasons

Reff:
到现在还是深深的
Dao Xian Zai Hai Shi Shen Shen De
Even until now I'm still deeply

深深的爱着你
Shen Shen De Ai Zhe Ni
Deeply in love with you

是爱情的, 友情的都可以
Shi Ai Qing De, You Qing De Dou Ke Yi
It doesn't matter if it's love or friendship

那是我心中的幸福
Na Shi Wo Xin Zhong De Xing Fu
That is the happiness that I want

我知道他苦苦的
Wo Zhi Dao Ta Ku Ku Di
I know it's bitter

So, what's your conclusion, readers? For all I know, David still likes Rita from the bottom of his heart. So, do I play hero and back off (or tell it to him?) or just play a coward and pretend that nothing is wrong or... just be a schizophrenic and ignore everything, pretending nothing is wrong?

What do you think?

New Rules.

2010-01-31T20:33:00.010+08:00

Ok. I'll try avoiding that boring talk of a certain D. If I saw another D, I'll give him that keychain, just for fun. Not the D I always talked about.

Bummer.

Bump.
Bump.
Bumpzzz!

Ok. Close to 2 weeks, I haven't been updating any shit because, what the feck. My life doesn't consist of anything funny or annoyingly interesting. But who cares. I live a boring life and that's just so enjoyable!

Cheebye, really.

Once a person told me, I forgotten which breathing soul or rotting corpse told me but (s)he said this.
Life is all about gambling. Go for it and risk a win or a lose. Don't risk it and you won't win nor lose but you won't feel the thrill.

Hella, homo. I feel like a philosopher. Good grief. I need to go fix my mentality, read bad. So, what's hawt and hitting...

Just so I got affected, I just realised I'm surrounded by China Germs. FUCK!

David.
Polo.
Rocky.
Yang.
Sarah.
Rita.

Anymore? Jesus. This list is getting longer and longer. Not that I mean it in a bad way but what the hell! Stress.

Guess what. Here comes the Holaphinos!

Marilyn.
Sheryl.
Florence.
Erwin.
Cherry.
Edith.

Aw, come on. Fuck this. No locals? Jeebies. We need to start importing Eurasians as well! To make the company look good. FFS. Totally making me look like a dumbfuck without any local friends. I have to start importing some now. That would SO make me a ~~SUPERSTAR!!~~

I'm still a homo sapien. Not homo lesbian.

Now, to wrap up that totally random entry and totally random bullshit, here's the new hot news.

I tried to be ~~stupid~~smart and find that Long John Silver's Batter Competition poster and realised it'll never be out because, wtf, it's inter-thing. Not outer-thing. 100% score on the smart-mark point.

Upcoming Inter Battermix Competition. All hail to the shop who wins because, whatthefuckisinmypants, there's money involved!

Details.

Champion: Errrr...
1st Runner-Up: ERRRRRr.......
2nd Runner-Up: Damn, what was it....
4th & 5th: I misplaced my mind somewhere in the dumpster between my work place and my home....

I forgot. But who cares. There's MONEY involved! Verdict? We've got to win, right? I'm hungry for money, really.

Pros: It's really easy to just follow the procedures but fuck, I don't follow everything.
Cons: I really have this relationship problems with my colleagues.

Question: How the hell do I teach them or make them listen when they refuse to listen or forget easily or never bloody fucking put in any effort?

Answer: Simple. Get into an accident and hopefully fall into a comatose and wake up on 1st April and go...

BOO! APRIL FOOLS', RETARDS!

My, my, isn't easy if it were like that. Doubt it. I really must trust myself and talk to my managers about it. Because hell, MONEY. Makes the world go around.

Sigh. Screw it. Never mind. I feel like my rant today is full of poppycock and just more rubbish. Eh well, sorry 'ta stain yer, mate. Laters, Claisavard.

narcissism

2010-01-19T22:58:00.005+08:00

I monologue because when I talk to others, it makes me feel like I'm conversing with retards.

I am a narcissist. No arguements.
I realized that... I still miss him, no matter what. *gulps*
It's all about him, him, him.
Holy-heebee-jeebies. I need to stop.
Stop.
Damn.
Stop.
Jerk.
Stop.
Go.
Stop.
Away.

Nice?
Read again.
Stop.
Damn.
Stop.
Jerk.
Stop.
~~Go.~~
Stop.
Away.

I care for you too deep now to stop halfway. I better have him break my heart and shatter my illusions.

Can I Hug You?

2010-01-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

Artist: 張惠妹
Zhang Hui Mei
A-Mei
Song: 我可以抱你嗎
Wo Ke Yi Bao Ni Ma
Can I Hug You
Album: 我可以抱你嗎
Wo Ke Yi Bao Ni Ma
Can I Hug You

外面下著雨
wai mian xia zhe yu
It's raining outside
猶如我心血在滴
you ru wo xin xue zai di
Like the blood dripping in my heart
愛你那麼久
ai ni na me jiu
(I've) loved you for so long
其實算算不容易
qi shi suan suan bu rong yi
It�s actually not consider easy
就要分東西
jiu yao fen dong xi
(We) need to separate our things
明天不再有關係
ming tian bu zai you guan xi
Tomorrow we won't have anymore relations
留在家裡的衣服
liu zai jia li de yi fu
Get the clothes (you�ve) left at my house
有空再來拿回去
you kong zai lai na hui qu
when you have time
不去想愛都結了果
bu qu xiang ai dou jie le guo
Don't think about love, it's already been settled
捨不得拼命找藉口
she bu de pin ming zhao jie kou
(Your) not willing to fight for it, so you use excuses
不勉強你再為了我
bu mian qiang ni zai wei le wo
Don't force yourself for me
心不在
xin bu zai
(Your) heart is not here anymore
留不留都是痛
liu bu liu du shi tong
Unable to leave anything but pain

我可以抱你嗎愛人
wo ke yi bao ni ma ai ren
Can I hug you my love?
讓我在你肩膀哭泣
rang wo zai ni jian bang ku qi
Let me cry on your shoulder
如果今天我們就要分離
ru guo jin tian wo men jiu yao fen li
If we need to break up today
讓我痛快的哭出聲音
rang wo tong kuai de ku chu sheng yin
Let me happily cry
我可以抱你嗎寶貝
wo ke yi bao ni ma bao bei
Can I hug you darling?
容我最後一次這樣叫你
rong wo zui hou yi ci zhe yang jiao ni
Let me call you like this for the last time
你也不得已
ni ye bu de yi
You had no choice (but to leave)
我會笑笑的離去
wo hui xiao xiao de li qu
I will leave smiling

外面下著雨
wai mian xia zhe yu
It's raining outside
猶如我心血在滴
you ru wo xin xue zai di
Like the blood dripping in my heart
愛你那麼久
ai ni na me jiu
(I've) loved you for so long
其實算算不容易
qi shi suan suan bu rong yi
It�s actually not consider easy
就要分東西
jiu yao fen dong xi
(We) need to separate our things
明天不再有關係
ming tian bu zai you guan xi
Tomorrow we won't have anymore relations
留在家裡的衣服
liu zai jia li de yi fu
Get the clothes (you�ve) left at my house
有空再來拿回去
you kong zai lai na hui qu
when you have time
不去想愛都結了果
bu qu xiang ai dou jie le guo
Don't think about love, it's already been settled
捨不得拼命找藉口
she bu de pin ming zhao jie kou
(Your) not willing to fight for it, so you use excuses
不勉強你再為了我
bu mian qiang ni zai wei le wo
Don't force yourself for me
心不在
xin bu zai
(Your) heart is not here anymore
留不留都是痛
liu bu liu du shi tong
Unable to leave anything but pain

我可以抱你嗎愛人
wo ke yi bao ni ma ai ren
Can I hug you my love?
讓我在你肩膀哭泣
rang wo zai ni jian bang ku qi
Let me cry on your shoulder
如果今天我們就要分離
ru guo jin tian wo men jiu yao fen li
If we need to break up today
讓我痛快的哭出聲音
rang wo tong kuai de ku chu sheng yin
Let me happily cry
我可以抱你嗎寶貝
wo ke yi bao ni ma bao bei
Can I hug you darling?
容我最後一次這樣叫你
rong wo zui hou yi ci zhe yang jiao ni
Let me call you like this for the last time
你也不得已
ni ye bu de yi
You had no choice (but to leave)
我會笑笑的離去
wo hui xiao xiao de li qu
I will leave smiling

我可以抱你嗎愛人
wo ke yi bao ni ma ai ren
Can I hug you my love?
讓我在你肩膀哭泣
rang wo zai ni jian bang ku qi
Let me cry on your shoulder
如果今天我們就要分離
ru guo jin tian wo men jiu yao fen li
If we need to break up today
讓我痛快的哭出聲音
rang wo tong kuai de ku chu sheng yin
Let me happily cry
我可以抱你嗎寶貝
wo ke yi bao ni ma bao bei
Can I hug you darling?
容我最後一次這樣叫你
rong wo zui hou yi ci zhe yang jiao ni
Let me call you like this for the last time
你也不得已
ni ye bu de yi
You had no choice (but to leave)
我會笑笑的離去
wo hui xiao xiao de li qu
I will leave smiling

你也不得已
ni ye bu de yi
You had no choice (but to leave)
我會笑笑的離去
wo hui xiao xiao de li qu
I will leave smiling

fever

2010-01-12T22:32:00.003+08:00

So Claise! Been a long while aye :)!

I'm so tired and shagged out :(!

Chair? I love that epicness! Nice animation right? :)

Food poisoning today and yesterday. Now have a fucking fever. Fudge! LOL!

Dunno what to update. Seriously shagged out.

It takes courage to face fear. Takes more courage to face life. :)!

App for ClutzClub!

2010-01-05T23:10:00.002+08:00

Here we go!

----Copy------------------------
Post it on your blog!
Susu.
P.S. Do not take this seriously. This is just for fun.
Warning: Do not do it so seriously. It takes the fun out of the application form.

Name: PuffyDiabeticSusu.
Age: 4 year 4 months 4 days.
Gender: F.

What do you do best: I fart the best, silently and no smell. :D!

What do you do worst: I burp much too loudly for my taste.

What is your aim: My aim is to sleep and eat and no bath. I'll stink to heaven by 1 week so please watch out by the end of this year.

What have you achieved: My stomach is swelling with candies and chocolates and bloated with ice lemon tea!

Why do you think you should be in ClutzClub: It's because I need to teach people how to fart silently and without smell. It takes skill, apparently.

What can you offer for ClutzClub: Skills on being a glutton and for silent farts.

-------------------------

All this in the name of relieving stress. Don't worry! It's not an actual club! It's all in the name of fun. Please do not start promoting this ClutzClub to other people and get the name around. It'll be too horrid to see the consequences. :)!

----Paste----------------

ClutzClub

2010-01-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

Hihi. I'm the new Director for ClutzClub!
All hail to your new leader.

Please fill up the form and post it to your blog, just for fun's sake!

----Copy------------------------
Post it on your blog!
Susu.
P.S. Do not take this seriously. This is just for fun.
Warning: Do not do it so seriously. It takes the fun out of the application form.

Name: (Something like "StupidSusu" or "MadCowDiseaseSusu")
Age: (You can put a bluff!)
Gender: (Don't try to lie! It's just 50-50.)

What do you do best:

What do you do worst:

What is your aim: (Eg. Will try to fall down less than 3 times this year... You get the idea!)

What have you achieved: (Eg. I ate like a glutton this month... You know?)

Why do you think you should be in ClutzClub: (Eg. "Because I'm an idiot" is totally acceptable!)

What can you offer for ClutzClub: (Eg. "Idiocy" again is acceptable!)

-------------------------

All this in the name of relieving stress. Don't worry! It's not an actual club! It's all in the name of fun. Please do not start promoting this ClutzClub to other people and get the name around. It'll be too horrid to see the consequences. :)!

----Paste----------------

That would be so awesome! Like I say, if I can do this and spread the fun, isn't it fantastic?! :D! If you guys are up to it and just spread the fun, it's great! I mean, it's fun to see what your friends write about their stuffs and such. See what trickery they have up their sleeves!

So, what's up Claise...

I had a super weird dream with David in it. It was a tad bit disgusting but come on. I fear for my desires really. I even said "We should try kissing..." Ok. What came to me? OMFG. That's just so

CHEEBYE!

LOL! Seriously.

Back to the dream, or morning fantasy before I woke up...

I saw him at CCK LJS and dropped by. He saw me and had a gentle smile.(WTF, I know, don't expect this in real life, jebus.) I waited for him and we both left, taking a bus to... my soon-to-be house area. I recognise that place, come on! And he... well... let's skip all disgusting parts and out with it. Rubbed my chest. (THIS IS JUST A STUPID DREAM, HANG IN THERE!) He was smirking. I swatted his arm away seeing it was a PUBLIC place. He kissed me on the mouth.(This is getting erotic and yes, it's almost done!) We both walked together, hand-in-hand.

EndOfDream.

I know. Big HUH. I was not just a tad confused at such dreams. I was egging annoyed and amused! Because it just goes to show I have desires for him? What in the seven bloody wonders of earth... Maybe... just well... Maybe I have physical desires for him, that's all. No emotional attachment. Maybe, I don't really love him at all. Maybe, just maybe, I just have this feminine desires, that's-about-all.

So, does it all end up in the f'kin drain? After all that thoughtful thoughts for him and my never-ending rants and grunts in my blog, staining Claise about him?! God never you mind! This is the first time Claise is like... stained by me. I mean, look at the arrangement of everything!

Screw it. Life is like sucking a dick.

Enjoy the rubbing sensation and the semen enters and you choke on it. Spit it out and holy-god-damn-mother-fucking-piece-of-shit it tastes Bleah!! Screw it if it's good for the skin. It's not fucking nice. Not that I've tasted it. I'd probably think of it as spoilt milk.

On the drama note, please watch "You're Beautiful". A Korean drama. On MySoju.com! I'm always promoting Mysoju.com. It's a great website! Don't forget Galileo!

On another note, I'm back on Dark Ages. Used to be known as Legend Of Darkness. Used to be owned by Nexon and now totally f'ked up on KRU. LOL! Lo' and behold. DarkAges! New Jungle of Aman. Whatever.

Night Claise!

a new start

2010-01-02T00:21:00.002+08:00

It's a pathetic start to begin with. What's with crappy customers. On the lighter note, it's amusing and amazing to know that he texted me "Happy New Year". It came as a start, you see. XD!

Wonder why he even had the urge to text me. I know I'm not the only one but well to him, I kinda know him. He's not the type to mass-text people. He just sends a personal message. Besides, it had spelling error. For some reason, it tears me but it touched my heart. He texted first, that's the interesting part...

Well, it's new year. It's gonna be all smiles from now on! New Year madness! :D!

after all that crap

2009-12-27T23:24:00.002+08:00

I realised that after all the thinking and talking and deciding on what to do this year, I noted that I haven't really taken the first step to anywhere. Heck, I'm still ~~pretty much~~ stuck. I can't deny it. It's the new rule for me.

Follow the flow of life and get stuck somewhere until tsunami comes.

I'm so on that mode. I can't see myself getting a fantastic job with a fantastic pay. I can see myself working in the background, in a stinking factory. Or something. I don't know. I'm not related to anyone anyway, why should I care. Why do people keep judging me? Heavens, if it weren't for some accidents along the way, it won't have to be like this. But it's already like this so doing that doesn't make a hell of a difference either. All I can do now is just listen to my choices of songs and lead on life like there is nothing wrong when everything is wrong. There's so much deceptions I'm facing right now. It's addicting, really. Once you deceive someone, you have to deceive another to keep up with the lies. It becomes a big habit, one I can never get rid of. I can pretty much lie my way out. Being discovered is the least scariest thing on my mind because, honestly, I don't really give a fuck.

Like how Monsieur Poirot would have said... (Really, it's Agatha Christie but never you mind...)

The impulse to murder is strong because once you've gotten your victim, you will kill your accomplice next to avoid eyewitness. If someone suspects you, you will strike again like a sadistic murderer, enjoying the thrill of murder.

Well whatever. But clearly, it's explained there. To avoid people finding out what wrong you did, you'll eliminate those suspicious of you, one by one. But nevermind. Probably born to deceive and cheat people. That's my goal. My new new year resolution indeed. Whatever.

So, new year! Creepy decade. I'm gonna turn 20 soon. I don't know what in the seven wonders I'd do. Look, 20 just sends shivers up my spine, k? I feel like as though I've wasted half of my life away, doing absolutely nothing. I can't see myself advancing, I'm honest to core.

He didn't reply my messages so far. Is this a form of avoidance? Never mind. Why am I still dwelling on David? He should be far off from my mind. I should... probably fix myself and get over it.

Two goals, perhaps.

Keep the lies up.
Try and forget that worthless fool.

That's all Claisavard...!

A must watch

2009-12-21T00:28:00.003+08:00

A must watch movie. Catch it on Mysoju.com!

All hail to such movies.

thoughts all pulped up fine and dusted

2009-12-18T23:17:00.002+08:00

Ok. I don't really know what to update but anyways! Here's just something to readers out there!

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

From FuckMyLife.

I chose... You totally deserved it. LOL!.

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

I chose... You totally deserved it.

Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML

I chose... Again, you're right. You totally deserved it.

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

WRONG! This time I chose... I agree, your life sucks!

Hahahaha! That website is full of funny everyday incidents. It's pretty funny when you think about it but not really a great feeling when you're in it.

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU". It really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#$%%&^&^%RE$@#&*(*&Y#@

Random spammage to stop the FMYLIFE thing. It was getting too addicting. My bible, really. Haha!

Thursday... No, Friday early morning, from 1am to 2am, me and him texted each other. From superficial topics of works, we got a little too deep into heart affairs. I confessed. Again. Remember, Claise, I said I'll tell him not to treat me nicely and what not? I did. I suppose he's mad. I keep seeing 11:11 today. I wish it wasn't him thinking about me. I don't want him to think about me or anything of that sort. Let me quote everything.

Oh. I've been longing to tell you this. It's my fault for liking you and I best be truthful. I hope you can stop treating me so nicaely. Hope you can run far away where I can't find you and where my feelings won't grow so that my heart won't know. I'm gonna start being a schizophrenic, k? Don't treat me so nice le, can? I promise you, I'll find a way to get rid of this silly crush. Good night sir. And goodbye you. ^^!

Perhaps it's me being too frank. Perhaps it's me not being grateful. Perhaps it's me wanting to be alone. Perhaps it's my nature to just break someone easily like a ceramic plate. Perhaps I'm just denying everything, denying the fact I'm really in love with him. I just want to get away from him. He says he's staying in Singapore for a few more years? Oh come on! Get out of here. I swear I'll leave Singapore before he does. I don't want to see him go away. So, conclusion, I'd rather be the one going away, leaving this current reality of mine. Start afresh. Probably I can ask Jen about living conditions in Ohio. I don't know. I really want to run away from him...

I hope tomorrow, everything will be different. I really hope so.

Let's just hope he starts treating me cold.

the need to blog is great

2009-12-15T23:44:00.002+08:00

You know Claise, I'm at the hands of that one particular day where everything goes wrong. The need to scream is great. Everything you do is wrong. Everyone is hating you because of your great-need-to-be-bitchy attitude. Yeah. I'm at that mercy. Pardon.

I need to wail and cry. In fact, I feel the need to just break down. I need to be away from my colleagues, from work, from family, from school. Basically, from everyone. There isn't one person that I want to meet. I just feel like tucking my ~~fail~~tail between my legs and hide. I mean, I don't give a damn to where. I just needed a well-deserved break from this place. Maybe I should just be tarzan. Whatever idea works, really.

Talking to Jennifer right now. Guess what. I'm seriously considering about moving over to her place. I mean, moving to USA. Got it? I dunno. I should just say bye-bye.

Fuck off, Susu.

I can literally read that from everyone's mind. Today. LOL. I know I've been bitchy. But honestly, I don't give. What's their gain and what's my loss? None.

I need to scream, later. I need to cry, now.

I get the feeling that I'll probably start hating people again. Sheesh.

End of post.

New

2009-12-13T23:52:00.001+08:00

Ok. A random picture post with a new blogskin. Epic, hey? :)!

assumptions over conjectures

2009-12-03T23:43:00.002+08:00

A twist in an assumption leads to more hypothesis. One more twist, I call that a fucked up reality.

I call my reality fucked up. You know WHY??

Say, take this for example.

10. Look to see if he imitates you. If he mimics you, he probably likes you, such as, if you move to another table, he'll go with you.(I've had a guy who liked me mimic me before, so I know this is one thing)

11. Teasing. If a guy teases you a lot, it might mean he likes you, but if he doesn't tease any other girl, he probably does like you.

I'm assuming that he likes me a little enough to do those 2 things amongst the many other statted things on wikiHow. Ok, here's the messed up idea about assumptions.

Say, if he really imitates me and he imitates others... Then I'll have to go all hypothetical about whether he likes me or not, right? See, if he teases me and teases others and sometimes ignores us, doesn't it ruin the whole conception of a him liking me? It's probably shouting outloud "I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY!!!".

All these misconceptions and what not leads me to thinking. Why can't we just use our heart to feel what they feel? If we truly care for someone, we'll find ourselves an annoyance to that person's life.

Do we bring them happiness? Did we make them cry? Are we disturbing him too much? Isn't his smile the most precious thing right now?

...That kinda thing?

Yet so much of these, I've failed to perform. In fact, I performed the very opposite. I don't care if I make them cry. My smile is more important than his. I disturb him a lot it's because I want his attention and I have too much free time. My happiness is ultimately more important than his, so who cares!

Eventually, all these dark thoughts creep into the mystical space of mind. It's unavoidable. Once you have a person in your grasp, you tend to think more for yourself. Why did you call your partner? It's because you're free and wanted to disturb him for some attention, right? If they cry, you tend to be silent, hardly asking why because you fear they'll be even more upset and might face their wrath. I'm happy because I have what I want. Who cares if he isn't really that happy. Because I know I have him and that's enough.

I know because that's how I feel.

Fuck My Life, sometimes.

you jump off the bridge, i laugh the hardest

2009-11-30T17:49:00.004+08:00

So much for saying. Ok.
Here's something that has been bugging me.

Do I know what the hell we mean by update?

No?

up⋅date /v. ʌpˈdeɪt, ˈʌpˌdeɪt; n. ˈʌpˌdeɪt/
Show Spelled Pronunciation [v. uhp-deyt, uhp-deyt; n. uhp-deyt]
Show IPA verb, -dat⋅ed, -dat⋅ing, noun

–verb
(used with object) 1. to bring (a book, figures, or the like) up to date, as by adding new information or making corrections: to update a science textbook.
2. Computers. to incorporate new or more accurate information in (a database, program, procedure, etc.).
3. to bring (a person, organization, etc.) up to date on a particular subject: The magazine article will update you on the international situation.

Got that? Ok. Here's the stupid thing that has been bugging me...

How is it that I keep ranting the same ol' shit... and others call it an update? Adding NEW info? Come on. All my crap has been about work, school and him. Incorporate new or more accurate info. We're going technology there but no. I don't have anymore accurate information than what I'm feeling. How can I "up-date" anyone about the same old topic again and again and saying the same ol' poppycock again and again? I find it totally crappy that I'm forced to do write some bullshit to entertain readers.

No offence guys but I'm pretty much bored writing the same ol' shit again and again and I have absolutely nothing new to "up-date" you guys on. Maybe it's about time the blog dies again? Maybe I'll re-blog when I'm married. Then I'll tell you guys how'd my sex life goes. Probably I'd say this...

Oh, it was a couple of moans on the bed, turning and twisting around, hugging my other half with my leg while he penetrates me. After which, we get all messy and make sloppy kisses and finally, we say good night, sleeping back to back, thinking how disgusting our sex was.

How about that? I can picture that now. It's all so true. How fun can sex be when I could describe it all in a few words. Yeah well.

Words and reality. Always seem to crash. But they can't live without each other. So, my friend sent her own ex-guy to the court. LOL. She should probably tell this to her guy.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You get angry, I hit you with a stick. You want to jump off the bridge, I'll take photo and pass it off as diving.

Sorely tempted to tell her to say to her ex that. I mean, really. LOL! Ok. Whatever.

About time I stop some nonsense.

Oh, not really an update but I was thinking...

It's been months and I still like him. I still miss him. I love his being, his flaws and perfection. He knows that. That's why he enjoys being with me for he knows I appreciate his everything.

research and development

2009-11-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

Wouldn't it be wonderful if someone were to just research on how feelings work and develop something for sadness and for the broken hearted?

Or perhaps discover why we function that way and just turn us into robots so we won't get a headache thinking of some people, getting all insomniac over someone and grieving for some idiot who broke up with us.

heart skips too much of a beat

2009-11-24T00:38:00.002+08:00

A random joke for you bored readers out there... to start off with a boring rant after it.

Wife: *whispers seductively* Whisper me the three words that will make me walk on air...

Husband: *looks straight* Go hang yourself.

..
...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...
..

Had a good laugh? XD!

Off we go.

Sometimes I wish we have a place to just throw all our bad memories, you know? Like a rubbish bin. Imagine this. If we all had a place to throw our bad memories, won't our lives be much better off? Then again, it's those bitter experience that teach us the life lesson.

If I had that box to throw all my memories, what kind of memories will I throw...

1. Memories of my mother's death.
2. My brother's death.
3. The fact that I'm adopted and almost illegitimate.
4. When I almost killed my dad. (Intentions, really)
5. My current work life.

I'd do anything for the last one in my life. I just really hate it. They're totally asking for it. It's stupid. They need someone to speak to them.

Doesn't help that sometimes I feel like throwing away the memories of him and I. I hate drowning myself in false hope and short-lived happiness. It has brought me nothing but despair. Hooked on the song "M2M - Mirror Mirror". I feel like that song has played a huge part in my current thinking and how I think. Anyway, sometimes, I wanna give myself up. I don't feel like pressing on anymore.

You know what that means?

Yes.

Die.

what the heck

2009-11-23T00:36:00.002+08:00

Do birthday boys lose all common sense when their birthday comes?

Sheesh. Like ok, never they mind...

Jackson, Abang's friend gave him a BIGGGG PRESENT! SUPER HUGE PACKAGE!

Turns out to be a stupid

condom.

WHAT THE HELL.................

Yeah, it was me and Jackson's idea. Ok. Jackson's idea actually. I was the victim of the idea. DAMN! XD!

When going home, I smeared some cake cream on his face with the leftover cakes. XD! He threatened to throw a whole cake to my face on my birthday. I told him this.

"NYEH NYEH! By the time I'm gone, you won't even celebrate my birthday!"

It brought about a moment, so very awkward and all so nostalgic and missing. It's as though you want to do it so much because you want to do it so much together with that someone but it will never come. Nostalgic.

At the train station, he asked me this.

"Do you wanna come home with me?"

HAR?

I'll leave the post as it is. I'm confused at that invitation. If he really meant it as a joke, I don't care. But I felt that moment again. I didn't dare to venture further. My mind and heart stopped all functions.

found and touched

2009-11-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk rejection.
To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
He has forfeited his freedom.
Only a person who takes risks is free.

By Beetle's old buddy.

P.S. Agreement is the new law now. It's exactly how I feel.
P.P.S. I know I still miss him deeply.

fatigue eats the soul

2009-11-17T20:32:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling sleepy these few days. Muscles ache and pound like crazy fanatics of whatever. I believe it's called fatigue.

I better fetch me spectacles. Oh. I'm planning to get that iPodTouch next month. Hope I don't go budget budget, rofl! I can be extremely poor too! Admittance is heaven. Ok. I really don't know what to blog about.

It's his birthday this Friday. In 3 days, yeap. Planning to celebrate with the whole crew on Saturday. Where we can just make noise. ._.! Hopefully my area manager doesn't drop by or we'll be fucked. x.x! He'll probably go all "What is this? Does Long John Silver's pay you to celebrate birthdays?" Bahh! I imagine myself mad at him if he says that. Then again, I can't be bothered with that blidiot. X.x! A.K.A. Bloody idiot. LOL.

I've taken a new fascination on business. I keep buying Business Times. Sheesh. Life is seriously taking a new toll on me. I must keep myself straight or I'll turn uber ghey. Laters Claise.

Egged.

2009-11-11T21:50:00.003+08:00

I hardl blog nowadays. I haven't a functional idea as to why but I have some several theories as to why. I'm lazy. I'm tired. I don't know what to blog about. All my rants seems the same and seems endless to me.

Work has been naturally boring and tiring nowadays. WTF. I got my mystery customer AGAIN. Shit. On the first day after the first CMS out. Just like Rafiq. I hope I did well. I tried to comply everything. I can't do it for several hours straight, I guess. I'm so much so a pretty slick guesser.

I smiled. I made the dude smiled. I repeated my order. I suggested an upsize and any add-ons. I'm so much so GOOD. One point. I wasn't around at counter when the customers came. I was in the kitchen, washing me hands! :(! GAY. Lol. Oh well. 2 points gone, I daresay. Never mind! :D!

I'm happy with the way things are going.. I think.

being brazen...

2009-11-05T00:46:00.002+08:00

...in the nature of ways, it hides your fears and lock away your sadness from the keen eyes.

Wrote that myself. I'm still going about guessing why I wrote that, ever. Don't look me as though I'm insane, Claise.

I feel so egged up today. Ayup ayup. I'm just getting more and more brazen. You know what else? I feel so wasted away, slowly. My workplace is just eating up more and more of my energy. O, how I look forward to my off days. I feel like I've wasted much of my energy and ideas and imagination for this stupid company.

Let me just speak my point of view, as a customer-and-staff.

1. Pay is ho-rri-gi-ble-ve-ge-ta-ble-te-rri-gi-ble.
2. The management is totally horrendous.
3. Lots of blackmail behind the scenes.
4. Extreme cutting cost measure. Eg. 2 packets of chilli sauce per customer. Do the math.
5. All you care is result, result, result. All you give is bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT.
6. WTF. Managers working as staff too. I've got nothing to say. Word.
7. Demands for logical reasons when upper management give us excuses.
8. You're just fucking losing more staff than actually getting them in. Are you just gonna rely on foreigners, FOREVER? Might as well open LJS in Phillippines and Indonesian and People's Republic of China.
9. The portions are just shrinking. Gaymax.Com.
10. Need I say more...?

9 reasons enough for LJS to better start having new marketing strategies. Nine reasons enough for them to rethink on how to get workers. 9 perfect reasons on how NOT to focus on results but on the current problems. Don't just demand and expect. Think thoroughly and review. Is that what you want? What you really need? Are you really maniacal about being a customer maniac? I doubt it. Your training in Customer Mania is about customers. NOT STUPID MYSTERY SHOPPERS. Besides, if customers want more chilli, just egging give! Don't be so calculative, morons! X.x!

I've more to express but I think I'd love it a lot if I saved the best for the highest in charge. They need someone to talk to them.

Besides, blackmail is illegal, maggots.

screwed along the road

2009-11-02T23:41:00.002+08:00

In FlyFF right now. I can't seem to be doing anything right now. I feel so much so at a lost.

You know what I think?

Books are really a great inventions. You know how the author just writes their books and it seems all so flawless even though there may be a thousand and one drafts before that? It just absorbs you into the book, bringing you into the fantastic world of mysteries, romance, fantasies! It twirls and swirls. I love Raymond E Feist and james Rollins. Their books never fail to amuse me and never fail to entertain me. I could read it over and over and over and I still get absorbed by it. It's enchanting, enthralls me. It feels like I'm part of the adventure, imagining everything from scratch and it develops.

It's just so amazing, books.

For you readers who hate books, you guys are missing out. You think that words are hard to comprehend, the plot is puzzling. I think not. Try a simple book. You'd go far with that one book.

So, D, why do you keep pouring me special attention on me? I don't deserve it. Because I planned to leave you behind with faint memories of me. Perhaps it's by chance we're just passing lovers. I don't know. It seems that I don't play well with coincidences.

I love looking into your eyes and I love your adoring eyes when they bore into mine. O, how I love it more when you simply pat me on the head and tease me.

I must ge going insane over a fantasy.

thinking again

2009-10-31T00:23:00.003+08:00

I'm moping about again. Listening to songs brings me back to the nostalgic memories of the past. It seems like time didn't just stop there. It sort of started when you start reminiscing and going through that roller coaster emotional feelings you had back then.

Nostalgia is a seductive liar. ~George Wildman Ball
True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories. ~Florence King

Here I am, on FlyFF, chatting to some of my ingame boyfriend's friends. They're great to hang out with and they ENJOY bullying me. Just like Latiff himself. But it's ok. They're great. I wish to visit them sometime but I'd rather grab the whole gang down and we can hang out. HAHA!

Back on track, I wonder if I should even think about him. It seems all so ridiculous and I can keep going back to those memories and think about how fantastic he is. Fantastic. I'm so great at fantasizing but never a big fan of making fantasies real.

All in all, I'm such a coward.

2009-10-28T19:07:00.000+08:00

Quizzes Girls Games

nostalgic

2009-10-26T23:39:00.002+08:00

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle. -Amy Bloom

Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each include the other, each is enriched by the other. -Felix Adler

I so agree with it.
'Nuff said.

P.S. I still can't get over him.

a convert of thoughts

2009-10-25T23:28:00.002+08:00

I've told him what I had to say.

Liking him is perhaps is worst ever encountered from the starting.
To letting him know about it.
To wishing well.
To saying goodbye and never wanting to keep in touch.

Goodbye is perhaps is most painful way to say I love you.

Perhaps it's because I refused to let him enter in my diary full of memoirs. I don't plan on it either. It's because I don't feel like it. I don't want to ever keep in touch because it will remind me of these moments. I hate feeling weak and vulnerable.

Who likes it?

Perhaps you do, D. Perhaps you do.

screwing insanity

2009-10-23T22:39:00.002+08:00

Didn't blog for quite a bit now Claisavard. And no. I haven't forgotten you. I've been chatting to Jennifer more as of late. I don't know but perhaps we have something in common, the work load. Yeah. That about sums it up. She could tell me stuffs about work and what not. We may differ slightly but it's still there, I suppose.

So, I got this little journal, very cute, I daresay. Along with a pen. Boring much but it helps me pen down my thoughts. I mean, if I'm lazy to just type... Isn't writing much harder than typing? Eh... well.

Conclusion: I don't know where I'll be in the next few years.

Rainy Day by Nan Quan Ma Ma

2009-10-19T23:08:00.001+08:00

下雨天了怎么办我好想你
xia yu tian le zen me ban wo hao xiang ni
我不敢打给你我找不到原因
wo bu gan da gei ni wo zhao bu dao yuan yin
为什么失眠的声音变得好熟悉
wei shen me shi mian de sheng yin bian de hao shou xi
沉默的场景做你的代替陪我等雨停
chen mo de chang jing zuo ni de dai ti pei wo deng yu ting

期待让人越来越沉溺（疲惫）
qi dai rang ren yue lai yue chen ni (pi bei)
谁和我一样等不到他的谁
shui he wo yi yang deng bu dao ta de shui
爱上你我总在学会寂寞的滋味
ai shang ni wo zhong zai xue hui ji mo de zi wei
一个人撑伞一个人擦泪一个人好累
yi ge ren cheng san yi ge ren cha lei yi ge ren hao lei

怎样的雨怎样的夜怎样的我能让你更想念
zen yang de yu zen yang de ye zen yang de wo neng rang ni geng xiang nian
雨要多大天要多黑才能够有你的体贴
yu yao duo da tian yao duo hei cai neng gou you ni de ti tie
其实没有我你分不出哪些差别
qi shi mei you wo ni fen bu chu na xie cha bie
结局那还能多明显
jie ju na hai neng duo ming xian
别说你会难过别说你想改变
bie shui ni hui nan guo bie shuo ni xiang gai bian
被爱的人不用道歉
bei ai de ren bu yong dao qian

it's raining what should i do, i miss you so
i don't dare to call you, i can't find a reason
why have the sounds of insomnia
become so familiar
the silent scenery is your replacement
waiting for the rain to stop with me

anticipation makes one more and more indulged
is there anyone like me
i'm unable to meet that someone
in love with you i've always been learning
the taste of loneliness
holding an umbrella alone, wiping my tears alone, it's so tiring being alone

what kind of rain, what kind of night
what kind of me will make you miss me more
how heavy need the rain be and how dark the sky
before i can have your concern

actually, without me you can't tell the difference
how much clearer can the ending get
don't say you will be sad
don't say you want to change
the one being loved needn't apologise

thinking of you

2009-10-19T19:09:00.002+08:00

Honestly, does it really make everything in your reality ok if you think of someone? I don't think that reality makes it that simple. I disagree. In fact, I beg to differ.

Say, a simple situation... your wallet got stolen and you think of him/her, will that solve anything? Perhaps it's a simple act of selfish self-motivation, you're in denial. Will anything truly be solved if you think of your significant other? I won't go there because simple, thinking is just in your mind. Reality speaks for itself and begged to differ as well.

We'll delve deeper. If you're about to be raped, you think of them, will the raping soon stop? Who gives a fuck. You're about to be raped anyway.

Truly, thinking just gives you a simple sense of relief. Or should I say it's hogwash. Nothing in life ever works out that simple. I've learnt that thinking of someone just brings you a smile and nothing more. It's not as though when you think of someone, he or she will be thinking of you as well. Sometimes, we're more selfish than we care to admit. Well, I do. I like my manager and I don't like sharing him with others. I'm simply selfish that way despite the fact him and I have nothing to do with each other, other than the fact that we're strangers.

I think about him and that brings about a smile on my face. I feel like a maniac and I can't help wondering why but why thinking? It's a total waste of time, I'd say! It gives you a sense of euphoria, not one that will last long. I didn't say you can't think of someone but sometimes, there are limits. Reality will never be okay even if you think of someone.

If I fail my exams and I think about my guy (if I had one), nothing will change. My results won't change. Nothing will be okay. Offer your words of pity but still, nothing's changed. That, by itself, remains a fact.

People say happiness is unbound. I say different. I say it's limited. Can you seriously be happy forever? What if a fight broke out? What if you broke up with him/her? What if s/he cheats on you? What if (touchwood) they die? Can you still keep smiling? I can't. I definitely can't. I'd break down and cry but I've got to get over it. It's the same process over and over again. It's happening everyday. It's a normal cycle.

I can never understand why people cry after they broke up with someone. If they did, they're missing out a great person! Truly, you need a total opposite. I'd be bored with another me. We're both joking around (I can totally picture it now...), get nothing done at all, never serious and waking up late and two lazybums. Hell, I can't live that kind of life!

I can imagine someone setting me straight with that serious face, someone about to pour water on my face when I'm gonna be late for work and doing some chores around.

Sidetracking, sorry. Back again. Thinking of someone just complicates my mind that it chokes my thinking. Too full of rubbish, I swear.

What is he doing?
Is he eating?
Sleeping?
What clothes is he wearing?
Wonder what time he'll call.
Wonder what's he got for the next date.
What am I gonna get him this upcoming anniversary?
What am I gonna plan on his birthday.

CHOKED FULL OF SHIT, PERIOD.

BLARGH! All these thinking is making me go haywire, word. I'm better off showering to calm myself down and do some more thinking. Sigh.

gripping fact

2009-10-18T01:08:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna die, next month. I egging failed my CMS again. FFS! I didn't expect this shit to happen to me again, WITH GRILL ORDER FOR C***'S SAKE! That fag is going to throw me out, fo sure! Whatever! It's not as if life goes on smooth for everyone. This is just one of my down moments. I'm not perfect, damn it! I'm just a normal human being that MAKES MISTAKES! Passing CMS doesn't ensure the best service, fags. It's what matters on the regular customers. They drop by to see you and chit chat and what not! DAMN IT! I've never liked this mysterious test. I anti. Heh.

Whatever. Past is past. I'll deal with it however I see fit or however Abang sees fit. If I get kicked out, ever, I don't give a damn. Worst come to worst, I'll just tell dad and get a new job. I'd probably be a lifeless doll though.

Bad Guy: Food here tastes horrible though...
Guard: Now now, it's nutricious... and besides... you're IN JAIL! What were you expecting, gourmet cuisine?!

Funny shit from Golden Sun 2: The Lost Age.

LOL! I'm serious! Hella funny.

Him and I chatted. Shared food too. I stole a slice of his... chicken wing. After which, he spitted on it right after "You didn't spit on the chicken, did you?". Good going, Susu. Smart move. Now I had the first taste of China Germ. Tasted like... chicken. Good. Not that I'd have noticed a difference. Ok, I forgot. Rafiq you oxymoron, you owe me SEVENTY CENTS! HORHORHOR!

When it comes to you and I, we're never meant to be. We're just strangers getting along well, one day bound to be split by the most natural method just because... just because we're not the same.

alive at 0037

2009-10-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

Here I am, alive and thinking, not in the least sleepy. With the computer fan making helluva noise. I should change it, soon.

I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow when I wake up but I want some news when I do wake up, damn it!

men rolls eyes

2009-10-14T00:22:00.002+08:00

What's with men, really? I feel so... STUPID. Yes, that pretty much sums it up.

Ok, so, Claise, you're curious what made me so... #@$@? -mad-

Here goes...

Monday was pretty a busy day, not that it was horrible, but yes, it was. I was serving customers with 2 counters. Sigh. Not that it was any faster but I liked seeing short queues. So, you see, it was pretty much busy. It was close to noon then. So, about 2pm, D dropped by, in home clothes. There goes Auntie Mok, rambling about some David and me shit. I don't really appreciate but I just let it pass, as always. Not that it brings me joy. It just irritates me to no end. How can anyone simply matchmake me with a total stranger?! She said something about "Neh, ni de nan peng you"... "There, your boyfriend...". Ok, that did it. Straightaway, I gave her a straight face and said loudly "Ahah! Auntie, where can. I have a boyfriend liao lha!" No doubts he heard it. It was then that he decided it was best to leave me alone. With a bored look (and no doubts, angered) he walked off to find Sabri, or so I thought. Whatever. When I texted him at night, he didn't reply. Thamarai said it wasn't busy at all. Queer. Probably his prepaid was low. Then again, 4th was his pay. It couldn't have all been spent on whatever, right? I don't know. Today, I texted again. No replies all the same.

Verdict: What's with him? I don't have a clue. If that's how you want to work it out, fine by me. I was sick of your attitude anyway. Go smoke yourself to death for all I care. Go missing your first love for all you want and waste your time. It's done. You're a stupid fag that my heart still care for. My STUPID heart still care for. I fell for your trick. That was your problem. I fell for it, again. This time, it's my problem. The problem now is, with your games, what can I expect? To sit still and not say a word? You want to get yourself that deal so much? You want me to just look on quietly, not voicing out anything? You know what, you've pretty much got it. You didn't reply. Why should I even bother.

Jackasses like you don't deserve anyone to care for you. You make them feel as though they've wasted half their time on you. What was the end result? Nothing. Zlip. Zero. Nada. I've wasted so many sleepless nights thinking about you and giving you up when the answer was always and already there. It was always waiting for me to see it. Perhaps you should put a sign above you.

"Anyone can communicate with me except Susu."

Maybe I should just avoid your eyes altogether also. It's my demise if I ever stare into those dreamy far-away eyes again. It's going to be a problem if I ever joke with you. I like those awkward moments between you and I so I can just run away from you. There won't be anymore such moments, right? Oh, right. It's because we won't communicate, ever.

It displeases me that your attitude towards your staffs are like nothing. Perhaps we're just a bunch of nothings in your eyes. It's upsetting that you never put in any effort. Claim anything you want, jackass, but actions speak louder than words. I don't need speech evidence, bastard. Neither do I want any physical proof that you've done it. Because by then, you should be freaking back at your own country. Stay out of sight and out of mind.

Sigh, why am I even ranting at all...?

****************************************************

"Hubby, are you awake?" I whispered, slowly nudging him.

"Yes, sweet. What is wrong?" he asked as he peeped at me sleepily.

"Nothing, it's just that I want to tell you thanks for always being with me, sleeping next to the babyish me. Thanks for being my sun and my rain. Don't leave me ever, k?"

He nodded slowly and resumed his sleep. He's always like that. Listening to my endless banters and rants. Taking it seriously despite him playing it off cool. He knows how much I care for him and I know, before I even fell for him, that he has me in his mind, always. So, what made me do that? Haven't a notion. All I know is, I must tell him today. Something in the back of my mind just nags at me but what, I don't have a conjecture.

----

"No... no... Hubby... are you in pain?!" I whispered, still shocked.

He opened one eye, sleepily, just like he did early this morning. He shaked his head this time, slowly as blood seeped out of the head wound. As bloody and disgusting as it was, it's my husband. Right now, all I can see is my other half lying down in a bloody pool of his own.

"Never, because I'm going to sleep next to the babyish you. That way, I'll always be with you, sleeping on your lap."

His last words died together with his heart beat, silent to everyone but mine. My scream, an agony verbalise made the stupid me realise that we'll never be together, ever. I clutched at the memories of him and I.

####

"Honey, NO!"

I was pushed by a lethal force. I fell on my chin. I got up weakly and turned around to see if my husband was alright. It was a sight that will drown me in tears until my last breath.

####

Him and I. We're always together. Memories, even if it's the only present I have left from him, I still have the best present from him: him.

****************************************************

sikit demi sedikit

2009-10-11T23:03:00.002+08:00

Tangisan Bulan Madu By Samsiah Mohd. Nor.

Contents: "Aku tidak akan mencemarkan impian bulan madu kita, meskipun kita tidak dapat mengecapnya."
Summary: Menganggur setelah memerah tenaga dan membuang usia untuk mendapatkan segulung ijazah dari universiti adalah pengalaman yang menyakitkan. Amira tidak dapat memenuhi harapan keluarga. Kekasihnya memutuskan cinta untuk mengahwini gadis lain. Percintaannya dengan Bogatt dihalangi oleh Puan Marina yang memilih darjat. Setelah akhirnya Bogatt berjaya juga memimpin tangannya ke jinjang pelamin, mereka tidak sempat berbulan madu. Mengapa?

Izinkan Aku Pergi By Hannaziera Faez.

Summary: Izinkan aku pergi jika itu boleh membahagiakan dirimu. Biar aku lenyap dari pandangan mata dan hati kalian. Aku tidak sanggup lagi menongkah alam. Aku tidak sanggup lagi berkongsi kasih denganmu. Biarlah aku mengalah. Ambillah semula hakmu kerana hadirnya aku sekadar menumpang kasih sementara diberi ruang waktu.

Sorry, obsessed with malay novels again! XD! I SHOULD cut the habit.

So, here am I thinking, again! I looked at the clock to see 11:11. Cut the habit, argh! To that someone who is thinking of me, please stop thinking of me. It's irritating to keep seeing 11:11 on my clock, whether DAY or NIGHT. AH BLEH. In my dreams, k thanks.

So, I'm doing less and less of that think-about-him thing and less and less of the liking-him thing. It's not gonna work out. We can hang out and be great friends and have fantastic chemistry but NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

NOPE.

It'll be hard if I were to just keep clinging on to him when one day, he'll just leave Singapore as if he's going back from a vacation. What's more annoying is I have to see him go. Even MORE annoying to this is that he still loves his first lady, who is now married. He practises the belief "The person I love the most is now safe and secure and being loved. Someone is taking of the one I love, making her smile everyday and that's my happiness."

Coming on strong, Sir, but the world doesn't play that way. One day or another, you'll realise that that happiness is slowly eating up what's left of you. You can't even feel your own happiness. You daren't seek your future. You can only think of her and her smile and that's your only fuel? Come on man. Obviously I'm just jealous of that dedication but HOKAY. I should be through with you. It feels so whatever right now.

So much dedication for a love that's been going on strong for 8 years. I wish I had someone like that but then again, I probably won't be able to appreciate him. Because I can be so blind and deaf and oblivious to everyone that it's frustrates them to no end. But because of that, I seek the idea and solace in romance books and daydreams where most happy endings exists. In real life, Mother Nature gives and takes back everything too quickly. They present the best presents for you and surprise you with the worst nightmare anyone can face. That present and nightmare can be classified in one word: Reality.

How I wish I can be faithful to someone forever, waiting under the tree with the rain drops surrounding me, my wet clothes hugging me, waiting for a him to return back to me and say, "Hey, you'll catch a cold" and offer me the best present: him.

I wish life works that way, all the times.

got it back

2009-10-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

I got my acts up today. Haha! Managed to finish one part of my board. The next is tomorrow. :D!
So!
Today! I called David "China Germ". No harm really. It's just to annoy him max dot com. HaHa! He was. But he had his ways of silencing me. Abu is just more and more friendly. I guess that's a good sign and yeah. We both agreed that U. Lee's attitude is just getting worse and worse. Sigh. No harm done though. :D!

I got Latiff to contact me back. Just because of game, I guess...

whining

2009-10-09T22:54:00.002+08:00

The whinings of my everyday life must sound pretty lame, doesn't it, Claise? Perhaps I must give up writing aimlessly, everyday. It's bringing me nowhere. No one can understand the personal beliefs I hold. No one will probably bother to solve it. Maybe I should avoid being the whiney bratty me for a bit.

I don't understand why I bother with anyone who will leave me one day.

dance with the devil under the pale moonlight

2009-10-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

How would it feel like to even DANCE with anyone in the pale moonlight? I wouldn't because hell yeah, I won't fit in a prom dress, much less a NORMAL dress. Yes, I'm pretty much very hella plump!

So, I bumped into Lala. I whacked her on the shoulder and she was like O_O and gonna fuck the bumper upside down and VOILA! She saw my face and her face chilled and started grinning like a mad pig. And chased me down from OP till Levi's. Wham! Haha!

LOOK LOOK!

run little bertie runnn
run with all your might
so you'll be in sight!
when the time is right!

Boredom does that to me. I'm quite delusional, thank you. I was chatting to Bet's when I typed that. Coolness much.

So, I bought much shizo and met up with girl from the 4th planet. We hung out like ok. I went to shop and jotted some shizo down and I thought I was silent enough. Mister David caught me heading out. Like leave me alone, oxymoron! Pssssh, annoyed much.

Look. I don't know if you're reading this at all buddy because sometimes you do, but I don't know. Ok, screw and heck with all these. Let me just kudos and get my point across.

Dude, what's with the MIA? In Flyff and in real life? Come on. I'm busy like you too, ditto! Sigh, it's grating and eating my nerves major bloodline. Can you just, for once, like reappear in my life and get back straight at me? Sigh, all this texting you and trying to find you in FlyFF as of late, it makes me wonder why am I even bothering at all. Perhaps it's just your life. Like it's Mister D's life. I'm supposed to be all obssessed about D but right now, he's so far from my mind. Why did you re-contaminate my mind? It is, afterall, a silly 3d mmorpg. Nothing to boast about. Why did you even disappear at all... Sigh. This is truly disappointing. Maybe I should just disappear from you, at all. Take back all your things. I don't want it anymore.

Latiff, that was dedicated to you.

I'm just lost in the moments of confusion, unable to track my way out, mystified by the amazing fog and the crazy ways of nature. Voila.

comment

2009-10-07T00:05:00.002+08:00

STEP UP IS A GREAT MOVIE.

Ok, I know I'm overdue but yes. It's a great movie! Love the moves.

Weird. He dialled my number by accident, I think. Because when I picked the phone up, no one was on the line but neither was it hung up or engaged.

Either way, tragedies happen everyday. You're not the worst one out there. The usual phrase, there's always someone worse out there who've had it more than you. Yet they're still trying to live. I'm sure we'll be able to overcome everything.

and so I recall

2009-10-05T22:11:00.002+08:00

I remembered that I just had a thousand and one too many headaches today. I ended up just playing L4D offline. I just needed to vent that frustration and anger away. It's frustrating enough really. So uber ghey much. Call me a maniac but killing zombies is a way of healing my anger and the adrenaline rush it gives me. I must be going off my head. Haha!

Too true to my words, I really find myself unable to sleep. No major biggie surprise there. YAY! I managed to buy some clothes from OrangeBear spree. I LOVE the CLOTHES! SO CUTE! Tomorrow will be another day though. Another day of grill promotions. ~~Gay much.~~ Perhaps I should try and catch two or three winks. Or maybe daydream again.

Afterall, in my daydreams, whatever I want exists. For example, say love. Reality never gives too many of those. They demand gold bars though. Rip-off!

I haven't been thinking too many things. Just because I'm afraid to find out that things don't really go my way. Perhaps I need to contemplate on another conjecture of mine. With, again, no physical evidence. Perhaps a dream stays but a dream.

if I start to think

2009-10-05T00:07:00.002+08:00

I'll start counting the stars in the sky if I start thinking of you. Just so that I'll lose myself in the stars instead of you.

I smile because I like you.
I cry because I miss you.
I frown because I think of you.
I fall because I love you.

P.S. It's all about thoughts and my own quotations.

heyo

2009-10-04T00:36:00.002+08:00

All right. I'm EGGING tired now.

2 days FULL SHIFT. This is pissing me off. STAND STAND STAND. I'M SICK OF IT. EGGING coupons. Seriously, they NEED to chill on the egging coupon. So retarded much. So, Marina got her ass pwned. LOL! Why?

She bought Texas Jr and Big Fish Jr(wrong one really) AND have the ice milo spilled over the sandwiches. So, me and Mars had... Milo-coated sandwiches. Tastes all right, just cold. Just cold. I have egging NO idea what to say except to a certain someone out there who will NEVER read this blog, EVER.

LADY, don't go missing, can? It's egging annoying. Pissing me off. I had to cover your shift because I'm the only one available. But ~~fuck~~ that. Today I'm on full shift too! Make that 2 days full shift, you joking, right? I'm so tired and pissed and it doesn't help we're on coupon craze right now. You gotta be kidding me man. I'm tired of standing around and fush that, if we had CMS today, I FAILED. I didn't smile at all, damn it. So damn egging TIRED. How the hell you SMILE when you're sleepy? I didn't talk much and laugh much at all. I was pretty much quiet. Susu is quiet today. Because she's tired. BAH much.

Guess what? Go to hell. KthxbaI~!

dot

2009-10-01T00:31:00.003+08:00

Happy Children's Day.

Couldn't sleep. Maybe about time I should write something...

I sit, staring at my reflection.

Oh, how haggard I feel yet my reflection showed another me, a beautiful future me that is never meant to be. I look so pale. Thin. Hopeless. Fragile.

Why did life do this to me? Before this, I was a perfect childe. Everyone envied me. I had everything a girl could have. My only evidence of my past memory is my broken doll that I've kept for 8 years now.

War has shown no mercy towards beloved parents. I saw their skull shattered into pieces just when I turned 4. I was warned never to scream if anything happened. I heeded.

To live, I went to an orphanage, picked up by a truck and sent to live as a slave in this mansion. In this gloomy household, I could only imagine my life right now if my parents were never dead.

Perhaps it's time I accepted reality. Perhaps it's time to stop deluding myself. I'll never be myself again. I can only act upon orders. Never upon my own will.

Never.

procrastination

2009-09-30T22:19:00.002+08:00

Everything. Everything is so gay. My feelings is in an uproar. I cannot express it.

Maybe it's due me being lazy that I'm postponing my laundry to tomorrow. Maybe it's due to me on procrastinating mode that I'm drinking lemonade. Maybe it's still me being whiney.

ADVISE: PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB PEOPLE AFTER TEN BY CALLING AND DROPPING BY, POSING AS GUESTS. PEOPLE WANT TO SLEEP. PEOPLE WANT TO WORK THE NEXT DAY. PEOPLE WANT TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY. PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN TIRED AT NIGHT. FAGGOTS. FESTIVE SEASON IS JUST AN EXCUSE. SO NOW FUCK OFF, FAGS.

Seriously.

It's just so rude. It's ok, whatever. So fuck, I'm so pissed right now. Har-Har much.

I'm so overdue. So much for wanting to forget and be mute. I can't just do that. Not even at a snail's pace. I just go back to me adoring him. Sigh. What a weirdo. It's so funny how I can block him out for a few hours and the next, it comes back to me. Sometimes, when I haven't the mood to chit chat, I'd just keep quiet and avoid his eyes. But after that, it's gone. Why did he wait for me when I asked him to wait? Is he nuts? He could have just gave an excuse and said "I'm not feeling well, think I better go home first. See you on Friday." or something. The CMS that I scored on June, 100%, I still haven't got my coupon and my cash. Sigh. Instead, he asked me if I wanted anything. I was shaking my head. Broke is broke, sir, don't so macho and care to spend. Instead, I was offered LJS coupon. One for Rafiq, one for me. Why? Sigh. It was his own coupon. He's crazy. Probably because he's gonna go home by end of this year. Eh well.

I don't feel particularly well myself. Physically and emotionally. I keep having flu. I best go for a check up soon. It's just that I'm procrastinating right now. Har-Har much. So okay. If I really have H1N1, fuck. I'd probably be like escaping a 1-month grill torture. HAHA! The coupon is more than ever. LJS should effing fix themselves.

Sometimes, I find myself fascinated with you. Sometimes, I wonder why am I even liking you. I can't find the answers. It all lies with you. Why do you have to be so... you? It's strikingly you that I'm liking you. Smiling is all I can afford now. I refuse to let my heart fragmentalize into a million pieces. Do you know how hard it is to find that one tiny weenie piece to really complete your heart? Yet ironically, people say it's better to leave a shattered heart behind than trying to fix it. You'll just end up hurting yourself, fixing, finding all pieces. I can imagine going all loony finding and fixing. I'm not raised to have any patience in me.

P.S. Marina is coming tomorrow with Texas Chicken.
P.P.S. Chocolate saved my sanity and my day.
P.P.P.S. I miss him, even if I see him, I still miss him.

perfection..

2009-09-27T23:10:00.002+08:00

never guarantees you a place in this world. well, ~~whatever~~!

Being in love is a better fate than loving someone.

Sigh. So true true true.

Being in love, means you're in love with someone and who is in love with you. Feelings requited. You care for each other.

Loving someone just means you just care for someone with your heart without expecting anything in return. You'll never receive the same attention that you freely gave away. How cruel is fate?

Ignore him now.
Work.

Ignore him now.
Busy yourself with anything.

Ignore him now.
Avoid his eyes and presence.

Ignore him now, now now!
BAH! About time I should be selfish and lock him out of my heart.

I didn't mean to hurt your pride as a person. I didn't mean to ignore you. I didn't mean to feel like this. I didn't intentionally fall in love with you. You think I wanted this? To feel useless? Pathetic much, Susu. I didn't mean to text you to stop whatever you want to do, even if it meant that you want to suicide. Maybe you should go on doing whatever you want to do. Afterall, it is your life. Not mine.

Stop talking to him.

addiction

2009-09-27T01:16:00.000+08:00

to Big Bang's Lies and Haru Haru songs. For those who have affection for Korean songs, do listen up. It's lovely, I guarantee. Allright. I'm just not gonna blab much. I'll stop here.

I'll update another post later. Lazy to type now.

Egg egg egg, it's all eggy today..!

2009-09-25T18:57:00.009+08:00

Ever wonder what we can see if we see from someone else's point of view? I've never been too satisfied with my own thoughts but again, I always feel that I'm right. Is there such bias? Ok, I'm cool with anything either way. I know I'm right and wrong but I prefer to think that I'm right. Ok, screw you mind. I ought to have you judged at the Supreme Court one day. The battle's not over, the war hasn't been declared, you little elf.

Great, now that I'm done talking to my mind, I feel more... sane-r, if that is supposed to help or work or both. So, today was just blargh! The POS was giving us major troubles. Like for egg's sake! Me got super pissed, not to mention annoyed (although both meant the same, I'm just being perspective here, or whatever!), David was feeling the same. We both had to write? Egad? Are you HIGH?! HIGH HIGH HIGH?! Ok, POS machine was high on cordial today. Note: Never give Orange Juice to it in the morning, it's go all wacky! Went walking around. LOL! Shortly after I arrived at work, I was sent off again to Clementi to send... EGGS?! For EGG'S SAKE! LOL! Polo was like "OMG EGGS! *caress the egg packet*" BOO MUCH?! He actually went to buy 20 damned eggs, crack them all and stir and cook. ._.! I felt a bit... retarded there because he showed me THEM EGGS! WHAT'S WITH EGG ISSUES TODAY?! x.X;; 'Nuff said.

So, after which, I hassled to Chua Chu Kang(Don't I wish that I believe I can fly!)! Grabbed the Crew File. Originally, Polo told me that he's gonna collect his one tomorrow but heh. I asked the manager there and was like "HEYY Is the Clementi's crew file here???" *searches* Nope. DOT! X_X! So much for "wanting to collect tomorrow" when it's "nope" not there. Ok, I left a detail there. Polo gave me a FREE CHOCOLATE PIE! YEEHAA! :D! JOY JOY JOY! *groans* 'Scuse me! I has one pineapple and one chocolate at home and I left Polo's choccie at work. DIE! x.X;;! So much for pie promotion, so retarded, fadgy.

So, next Monday, hell's gonna restart. EFFING GRILL PROMOTION COUPON IS BACK AND WE ARE LACKING CAPABLE STAFF. DIE MUCH! LIKE WHAT THE C***?! HELLO! WE NO HAVE STRONG STAFF HERE AND THERE AND YOU PEOPLES WANT US TO SUFFER AGAIN?! GRILL CRAZE?! I CALL YOU GUYS CRAZED!!!!! NOW AUTOMATIC REPAIR YOURSELF AND RESTART AND HOPEFULLY ALL VIRUS ARE GONE BY THEN!!

fudgy. the strong green explains it all. die.

By Crispin Thornton Jones.

The music I play, does it cheer you up?
The music I play, can you hear it?
The music I play, can you feel it?

The sorrow I pour in my songs, an endless string of tragedies in my life and yours. Mum, since you've been gone, all I could ever do is let the world know my sorrow that's etched deep in me with the rhapsody I play. Autism plays a major role in my life now.

You stole my breath away.
You stole my sight away.
You stole my speech away.
Most of all, you stole all love away.
All away from me.

Mum, how can you do this to me? Life is but a nought of note for me now.

I feel and hear you, dear. Please live on, for you, for me, for us. We'll meet at the gates of Paradise one day. Until then, please live for our sake.

Some random story I cooked with that portrait. Hope you guys liked it. :X!

2009-09-23T00:15:00.002+08:00

Probably I should write a book soon. I don't know. I'm contemplating on my writing skills at the moment. Should really be sleeping but eh.

"Daddy, don't leave me..."

Tears shed as she cried. A child of 8. In the rain, she sat next to a body of 48, a father figure for the girl. Oh how time passes since she was last abandoned, only to be left alone again in this world.

Hands on the corpse, all red and wet. It's as though there's red wine being poured all over but reality is so much more cruel. Blood flowing ever so freely like a river from a supply that will soon be nonexistant. Her tears flowed down, the world crying along with her for her loss.

Disobedience paid a price. A love lost and a lonely world to venture.

I'll always watch over you, child. So please cry today and smile tomorrow. I'll always be here.

i cry cry cry

2009-09-22T18:46:00.004+08:00

Cry cry cry. I really hate spawning my tears. I'm sick and tired of those salty droplets flowing down my cheeks and down my lips.

It's funny how a heart is actually 2 teardrops upside down.

Weird? So, does it mean that to get happiness, you have to suffer twice? Why the sufferrings to get what I WANT? I abhor the fact that it's actually a fact. Plain truth shitted on your face. Because seriously, I've never known what I wanted since forever. I've never known myself well enough to know what I truly like or abhor. It's frustrating to decide what I want because I've never known myself truly or well enough to know what I want. I never know what I want. Why is it some people hear their calling to a certain thing? Why can't I be the same?

Why doesn't it work the same with heart affairs? Just have what you want? I admit, it's selfish. But the one thing you want to possess, you will NEVER be able to possess it. It's that one thing that drives me to thinking too much. I should call the police and have them arrest my mind. It's only crime is that it is always bombarded with ideas and crazy thoughts. It doesn't help that through thinking, one feels that he/she feels more lonely. I admit that once I get my mind rolling, I always feel the world closing on me, turning their backs on me. That is when I feel like I've analysed so much to start hating this place. But here is where I reside. I'm Earth's resident. I can't possibly move to Pluto. I'd probably end up thinking even more since I have absolutely nothing to do.

I don't know how much more can the mind think but even right now, I'm beyond comprehension. My mind gets all sorts of crazy freaky ideas, I can feel that I'm going insane. But if I think I'm going insane, I'm not there yet, right? I don't know. It's a blur and labyrinth in the mind. I can't figure which works where. They should have departments labelled in different parts of the brain. But sadly, it's just a chunk of veins and some brainy matter into the skull, and voila! The mind!

The crime of the heart? It falls for something too quickly despite it residing at the ICU. Still recovering. Before you knew it, before you thought you're ready to face the world, another comes knocking on your door, with flowers and everything. That's when crush comes in. Seriously. The smell of it revives the heart a little but flowers, like all living things, will die one day. I believe love will die one day. But perhaps that's my biased point of view. The crush will go away. Never to return.

D, perhaps it's time I come out of my shell. I'm done hiding in my corner, watching you with my curious eyes. It's time I should just stand up and walk away. It's time I should say goodbye. I don't know if I feel for you anymore, but like insanity, perhaps it's a 50-50 thing. I don't like playing with chances. In monopoly, I always take the risk and end up in jail. I don't want to be a prisoner of my own heart. I blatantly refuse to be a resident of the Heart Prison. Perhaps it's time that I should let you know with my body movements and languages of the eyes. It's over. These feelings won't go away but without realising, I realised that it's getting easier not to hear you. Getting easier not to blog about you. Getting easier not to think about you. Getting much much easier not to feel for you. I never realised that I texted you less and less. I hope you can read it in my eyes.

It's FUCKING over.

ingenuity

2009-09-20T16:32:00.002+08:00

the crime of the mind is that it thinks too much.

'Nuff said.

P.S. Hari Raya is boring.
P.P.S. I'm gonna meet Rafiq later to just chit chat. XD!

sleepless

2009-09-20T01:08:00.002+08:00

unable to sleep.

I got super pissed with Dragonica. Stupid fucking Hookah. Kept spawning effing mobs. I was soloing that stupid shit. Effing idiot has 95k hp. WTF much. That's just so over. It also heals itself. Holy mothaf*cker! Enough Dragonica. Stayed up till now because of it. Sheesh.

1.11. Is someone thinking of me? Sigh. 'Nuff said.

Today went home super early. To end up sleeping like a total loser. I just burn out so fast. Sugah isn't the solution to my everything. Maybe because I just didn't have enough sleep. Die die die. *bangs head on wall* Sigh. I fell in love with Vivian Hsu's Ai Xiao De Yan Jing.

如果不是那镜子
ru guo bus hi na jing zi
If not for the mirror,

不像你不藏秘密
bu xiang ni bu cang mi mi
Unlike you who don’t keep secrets,

我还不肯相信
wo hai bu ken xiang xin
I still don’t believe

没有你我的笑更美丽
mei you ni wo de xiao geng mei li
Without you, my smile is more beautiful.

那天听你在电话里略带抱歉的关心
na tian ting ni zai dian hua li lue dai bao qian de guan xin
That day I heard you over the phone, with your sorry gentleness

我嘟的一声切的比你说分手彻底
wo du de yi sheng qie de bi ni shuo fen shou che di
I hung up with a beep better than you broke up with me

泪湿的衣洗干净阳光里晒干回忆
lei shi de yi fu xi gan jing yang guang li shai gan hui yi
I washed tear sodden clothes and dried my memories in the sun

折好了伤心明天只和快乐出去
zhe hao le shang xin ming tian zhi he kuai le chu qu
Folded up sadness, tomorrow I’m only going out with Happiness

这爱的城市虽然拥挤
zhe ai de cheng shi sui ran yong ji
The Love City may be crowded

如果真的遇见你
ru guo zhen de yu jian ni
If I really meet you

你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替
ni bu bi ya yi wo de xiao ta wu fa dai ti
Don’t be surprised. She can’t replace my smile

离开你我才发现自己
li kai ni wo cai fa xian zi ji
Leaving you only leads me on to discovering my own

那爱笑的眼睛
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

流过泪 #
liu guo lei
Crying,

像躲不过的暴风雨
xiang duo bu guo de bao feng yu
It’s like being under a thunderstorm

淋湿的昨天删去*
lin shi de zuo tian shan qu
Delete the wet tomorrow

离开你我才找回自己
li kai ni wo cai zhao hui wo zi ji
Leaving you lets me find my

那爱笑的眼睛 #
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

再见爱情
zai jian ai qing
Bye-bye love,

我一定让自己 #
wo yi ding rang zi ji
I’ll let myself

让自己决定
rang zi ji jue ding
Let myself decide

泪湿的衣洗干净阳光里晒干回忆
lei shi de yi fu xi gan jing yang guang li shai gan hui yi
I washed tear sodden clothes and dried my memories in the sun

折好了伤心明天只和快乐出去
zhe hao le shang xin ming tian zhi he kuai le chu qu
Folded up sadness, tomorrow I’m only going out with Happiness

这爱的城市虽然拥挤
zhe ai de cheng shi sui ran yong ji
The Love City may be crowded

如果真的遇见你
ru guo zhen de yu jian ni
If I really meet you

你不必讶异我的笑她无法代替
ni bu bi ya yi wo de xiao ta wu fa dai ti
Don’t be surprised. She can’t replace my smile

离开你我才发现自己
li kai ni wo cai fa xian zi ji
Leaving you only leads me on to discovering my own

那爱笑的眼睛
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

流了泪
liu le lei
That cried

当一个人看旧电影
dang yi ge ren kan jiu dian ying
Take it that I watched an old movie alone

是我不小心而已
shi wo bu xiao xin er yi
It’s just me being careless.

离开你我才找回自己
li kai ni wo cai zhao hui wo zi ji
Leaving you lets me find my

那爱笑的眼睛 #
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

再见到你
zai jian dao ni
Meeting you again,

我一定让自己让自己坚定
wo yi ding rang zi ji rang zi ji jian ding
I will let myself, let myself, be strong

离开你我才发现自己
li kai ni wo cai fa xian zi ji
Leaving you only leads me on to discovering my own

那爱笑的眼睛
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

流过泪 #
liu guo lei
Crying,

像躲不过的暴风雨
xiang duo bu guo de bao feng yu
It’s like being under a thunderstorm

淋湿的昨天删去*
lin shi de zuo tian shan qu
Delete the wet tomorrow

离开你我才找回自己
li kai ni wo cai zhao hui wo zi ji
Leaving you lets me find my

那爱笑的眼睛 #
na ai xiao de yan jing
Smiling eyes

再见爱情
zai jian ai qing
Bye-bye love,

我一定让自己让自己坚定
wo yi ding rang zi ji rang zi ji jian ding
I will let myself, let myself, be strong

再见到你
zai jian dao ni
Meeting you again,

我一定让自己假装很坚定
wo yi ding rang zi ji jia zhuang hen jian ding
I would put on a strong front

Sigh. It's a long post because of the song. But really. This song, how much it describes me. But I cannot really discover my happy eyes. Heh. I'm feeling so bleh, thinking whatever, tired like shit, sleepy like a drug-addict.

It's SOOOO whatever.

Sometimes, maybe you should stay within my sight but out of earshot. Perhaps only the eyes could convey the messages across. I hate the sound of you but I don't hate the sight of you. Sightings can turn into illusions whereas your voice brings me back to reality that you're right in front of me, never disappearing. At least, not yet. One day you'll leave here. Leaving me be with my thoughts and especially the time that I've wasted on you, spent on you, liking you. Focused on you. Perhaps then I'll wake up. Maybe for now, I'll just enjoy my daydreams and my reality. Until you're gone, life will still remain a wondrous mystery for me because fuck this, I hate falling in love yet I'm in the catch of an irony.

Claise, what is Susu gonna do...?

occurences.

2009-09-15T22:52:00.003+08:00

Has it even crossed the mind how many times something happens? Like coincidence? I don't get along well with coincidences well enough but ok. Let's do so. I just seem to feel that this has happened before a few times but how many, I seemed to lost count. It all seems so familiar. When I reach that stage, I go in a trance because I feel as though it's happened before but I'll try and recall how long ago, how many times. So much for the games of illusions and trances.

Work was tiring today. 13 hours of work with 4 hours of sleep. I'm a borned genius. Don't ask how or why. Know something, Claise? I hate David. Lol. Don't know why. Don't know how. I just do. He's fun, ok. But I feel like I'm getting to his bored side and he's getting to my nerves. So egging annoying. Whether he laughs or smile, I don't feel like it's anything special or anything. It feels more of... retarded. I used to think how wonderful it will be to have him smile at me like that every single damned time. But it's the damned times that I've given up all notions on. Sometimes, I just feel like shouting at him to just fuck off. Sometimes, I just feel like telling to go back to where he came from. Sometimes, I wish he'll just disappear altogether. Can you please read this in bold?!

Please just disappear from my life. I love you too much, it became a bad habit, it becomes an annoyance, it becomes something unimportant and a burden. You are my justified burden. Please leave my shoulders and leave me be.

Sigh.

Dear stranger,

Please hate me. It will lessen my headaches.
Please don't talk to me. Conversation is one of the stronger ways to bond.
Please don't look at me in the eye. The eyes convey messages of the heart. I don't want to know what you feel or think.
Most of all, please walk out of my life and leave no prints. You're good enough a memory but I don't want your stains all over me.

With love,

me.

Sigh. I need friend's love. Severe concussion upcoming, I can feel it. Phone bills came in. 52. I'll die, broke.

life check

2009-09-12T00:06:00.003+08:00

I need to do a life test on me. When I'm due. I believe I'm overdue now.

Life is in parallel to my heart & brain. What brainee says, I do. What my heart screams, I heed.

Oh the clashes of irony and facts. Do it or don't. You end up choosing both. Why can't we simply heed one and ignore the other?

Simply say, you don't want to talk to him and somehow, you ended up talking to a him. Do it or don't. Welcome to quantum. Potentially doing it and not doing it. Fuck life. Reality works too closely with quantum for my personal level of comfort. Perhaps we should mess the theories as well and replace it with simplicity.

Just let life work on its own. Love, scientist.

I'm on pepper. It's the pepper and his texts that caused the laws and friction in my life to go all nasty and twisted AND wrong. Oh how life works queer.

grill and sleep

2009-09-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

Welcome to off days. Gotta love my off. 50% of my day is spent on sleeping. As such, I slept from midnight till 5pm today. Verdict? Don't disturb when I snoozing. I really need the sleep much. So, here I am, blogging with a minor headspin right now. Sucks, really. So much for sleeping, really. Didn't expect D to reply to my whinings today. How he'd ever found out I grilled my fingers, specifically, I can never figure. I only texted that I burnt myself. I didn't say where. It could be my elbow for all I know but ugh, no thanks. In fact, it's all of my fingers except my thumb on my right hand that got affected. Really. The burnt parts paled much because I put my hand in ice water for, say, 3 solid hours at work. I'm just amazing much. Whatever did I do this Ramadhan, really.

Food poisoning.
Fever.
Flu.
Diarrhoea.
Minor burn.

What's next? A prick on the finger? Sheesh.

So, what's gotten into me as of late? I don't know. Clearly, I'm amazed at my level of intelligence. So low. Warlocks much. Dragonica lagged like a mofo. Result? I lagged, simple.

I know I know, I can't run away from reality forever. I didn't say I wanted to run away forever. I request for a change. A break. Do we get such things like "reality vacations"? Highly doubt it. Say, even when you run off and fly to Paris, nothing will change the world. Only where you've been and what you do changes. The fact remains, reality will still hit you bad, one way or another. Probably riot approaching. You got robbed at the mall. Your relative got into an accident. One way or another, life calls you back and makes sure you're there to hear or see it, or better still, both. Life is simply such a bitch.

Then again, so what if you don't take a break from life? It doesn't end up all bad altogether. Ok, maybe not. But there are those happy moments, y'know? But, yeah, like I say, it's those bad moments that make you wanna quit life even if the good ones outweighs the bad ones. It's just those bad moments in life that really gets that ball rolling.

Once I've wondered, what happens if time stood still. Probably funny crap would happen. You know, like in the middle of warfare and it all froze. Or maybe someone about to die and well, he's holding his last breath when time stood still. Or even when you're about to get knocked down by a stupid speeding car and whoosh! It froze. What would you do if you had the ability to stop time?

I guess I'd prefer to turn back the time but ok, reasonable. Let's just answer the question I, myself, posed. I'd probably be able to do some last minute assignments. Last minute studying and cram it all into my head. Probably to clear my shit while time froze. You know, to avoid smell and well, you can just zig zag out of the door and run for more toilet papers if you ran out since well, time froze, everyone is rooted. Probably you could take someone's perfume bottle and spray yourself up.

Most of all, I'd probably freeze those special moments and enjoy it. But you'll be all alone when you do that. Probably the disadvantage you will have is that you'll be spending that moment alone. That is when everything will dawn on you. You're always alone in whatever you face. No matter how much your friends or family will understand your plight, you're always alone. Because in the end, you have to face your own past and fears. Your own history. You will have to face you. Face your reflection. Observe the mirror and you'll realise. Your own enemy is you. All you ever do is to debate as to go about doing it or no.

It's always about you. Nothing can change that. No one can drive you crazy. It's you who drive yourself crazy with someone's banters or presence.

Ah, fuck this. I'm getting a total headache out of ranting. I feel the need to puke. And shit. This is retarded. Night Claise.

retarded bonkers

2009-09-07T23:20:00.002+08:00

so, here I am. Going bonkers. Sploink! Throat is on the way to better days. Definitely. So, Marina bought me some takoyaki. Not so nice, really but eh, food is food. Free is free. No complains.

Have you ever wonder what it feels like if you were to switch shoes with me, D? How would you feel to think about you? How to face you? How to talk to you without breaking down? Ever wonder? Idiot. I hate you so for making me feel so. Muddled thoughts. You confuse me everyday with your nonsense. Some days you push me away. Some days, you harass me to no end. On rare occasions do we talk like normal humans, a normal conversation. I wish all these can end.

What I really want goes beyond my own comprehension. I want you to leave Singapore. Go back to where you belong. Find someone and settle there. Don't come back. I don't need anymore hassle in my private life. Only then will I be at ease because I can't grasp you anymore. Only then will these feelings stop growing. Stop their nonsense. Such feelings give me outrageous thoughts that should never occur between us. That will never happen.

I opt to ignore. But can I make it through?

I hate fairytales because of such, I think that life always have their own happy endings. Well, look around. Does it seem that any one of us truly have our own end? A happy one at that? Who knows what people have gone through. Who knows what we or they suffer. How it feels like to see the world through their eyes. How it feels like to think about their situation and their life and what not. How different can it feel? I've once thought I'm unlucky that I don't get or have everything that I need. Then again, perhaps having everything leads to nothing eventually. Afterall, in death, you don't bring your worldly riches with you down deep.

Overall, I really should stop thinking about him. Stop it. I give up.

walking and buying

2009-09-07T00:19:00.002+08:00

equals shopping.

Shopped for a carpet and some cushions for the sofas. That's about it. I didn't spend because I was broke. Totally. I'm awesome. Sheesh.

Boils down to me being the whiney kid. Always complaining about daily life. Is there ever a day where I don't whine at all? Probably not. That would just be the day where I don't exist anymore. So, fuck that. I'll just whine the way I whine, the way I like it.

Let me tell you, I'm tired of thinking about you. Stupid stupid stupid. In bold. Argh! I find myself texting you non-stop. Idiot. I should cut the habit. I need to go for a class on how to break bad habits. Maybe I should resort to just gaming.

Again, life is just a blur.

hey claisavard!

2009-09-05T00:00:00.002+08:00

So, here I am, listening to WAX - Fixing My Make Up. I haven't a clue from where this song is from but I find it sad. It's about a girl who keeps using make up as a mask to hide her sadness and tears away, waiting and waiting for the one she loves to return. Typical, eh? But heh. For first I've heard such a song.

It's a pretty sad.

Part 1: Fixing My Makeup
Part 2: I Want To Love

2 parts to the whole video. I hope my readers will enjoy it as much as I did. It's not so sad but if you think about the whole general idea and loving only one person from a wee kid till you're old, it's a phenomenon.

Apart from that, fever subside slightly. Then... nothing much. Ok, I had a tipsy start today. At work. LOL. Call me drunk, I don't care. I'm drunk, shit you. Stupid headache won't egging go away. Despite that, I still went out to grab some crappy thing from Dhoby GAWD. Sheesh. Pathetic much, can't spell that place. I was walking like a total drunkard, swore like a total bastard and drink like a total loser. All in all, medication brought this predicament on me. Verdict, medication owns you whether you like it or not. ~~Shit~~! Can't spell for c***'s sake!

So, work was boring. For Eff's sake, I missed school yet AGAIN! Dot. I overslept. Stupid drugs. Really, why did I dose myself on stupid pills... Freaking fever. It had better go away. Right now, sitting on a chair, supposedly stable. Nope. Here I am, my head swaying, playing optical illusions on me. Great! Having fun yet, my conscience? Stupid. Gosh, like my world reversed upside down. Fish.

Like, I had enough of thinking of that goon already. My blog entries, as of late, consist little of him. Stupid D. Good grief. Fever is fever. Stupid paracetamol SUCKS balls. My throat kept burning. So super dry. Super. Good going, Nature. Great job. Asshole. I got pwned.

So, I still like him. Miss him. I enjoy chatting with him and whacking him. I enjoy his whacking me and him talking and telling crappy shiz to me. Idiot. You don't tell others things like "Rice from North China is sweeter because it's harvest only once a year whereas South is 3 times a year, so not so sweet." Like total randomness. Do I have to bring in some stupid permutation and combination now? Sheesh. Ok. Screw me and screw you. I'm feeling tipsy again. Stupd drugs working like total alcohol. Egg. They should really ban drugs, ~~y'lmoW~~?

Oh FFS. Y'know?*** Sheesh.

conclusions

2009-09-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

A Shakespeare's quote from his play, Hamlet. Such a profound yet simple quote.

I've never given in to speaking with thoughts before when I'm communicating with someone. It's never crossed to me that my words can be so hollow when I converse yet never has anyone pointed out to me that my words are shallow. I don't know. I find myself thinking deeply but almost always I've failed to get my point across. The point is, I should start being frank. But I've always been, frank, I mean, aren't I? Such a simple dilemma. I should stop thinking and start acting like a true patriot, the one I am. What a laugh.

Right, defender, my feet. So, today, work was pretty hectic. I liked that. Fun fun. Time passes ever so quickly. I was shocked. I thought it would be Abu who would do counter with me. Without me knowing it, D volunteered to do counter. Madness. If stock arrives and he goes off doing his stock, am I to be left alone? Grr. So insensitive yet oddly comforting much. So, we both fought and fought and fought again. Everyone keeps shaking their heads. Well, I didn't start it! He started it and I MUST retort, right?! RIGHT! He started it. Annoyed. Greatly annoyed. He should really stop it. I enjoy pouring my attention on him but if he has no intentions what-so-ever, he should stop keeping my hopes held high. I have no inkling what-so-ever if he enjoys the attention so much. (Attention seeker, pfft!)

Apart from that, I keep getting mad when they, meaning my colleagues, keep teasing me. I'm really far from pissed. It's like saying they're trying to matchmake. David, why can't you do something like DENY everything? Quit smiling like a rooster and pretending to be the innocent party. I detest it. Then again, maybe I should ignore his reaction and I shouldn't do anything about it. It's a series of ~~maybe(s)~~ from there.

Well whatever. I shan't dwell on it. Fasting fasting fasting has been pretty tough. I go to work energetic, go home to sleep till break fast time. What a loser, Susu! Hypersomnia, I'm sure of it. No fast = insomnia. Fast = hypersomnia. What a weird me. Then again, I don't like the sound of a normal me. That's so boring.

Dragonica is GOD DAMNED SO MUCH FUN! I play and play and play for hours at night and don't get bored. Haha! Yes, it has been fun. Oh, I play under Thqice, not Iahgames. Meaning, Open Beta Test for North America, me thinks. All right. So, I best be off to bed to wake up 4 hours later. Laters gators Claise!